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meme: statistics (hehehe)

So, apparently there’s a bit of a meme going around where everyone waves their battleclinics around about how good they are and efficient and all that good stuff. I’d like to issue a challenge to do WORSE than me. No isk reward, you just get to show everyone how horrible you are:

Keep in mind that the two kills I’ve made are a myrm and shuttle, both of who were corpmates at the time that I accidentally either attacked with drones while assigning RR or was shooting at for giggles.

So, standing at a proud 0% efficiency (I like to keep it above -1%), here’s some of the noticeable kills. In chronological order.
2008.07.13 02:31:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Center for Advanced Studies
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Exequror
System: Indregulle
Security: 0.2
Damage Taken: 10311

Involved parties:

Name: Serpentis Patroller / Serpentis Corporation (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 10311

Dropped items:

Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 3
Vivid Hemorphite, Qty: 97 (Cargo)
EP-S Gaussian I Excavation Pulse, Qty: 3
Civilian Shield Booster I, Qty: 2
Medium Standard Container (Cargo)
Vivid Hemorphite, Qty: 130 (In Container)
Small Standard Container (Cargo)
Vivid Hemorphite, Qty: 40 (In Container)

My first loss eva, over two years ago. Did you know that rats sometimes fit warp scramblers? I didn’t.

haav -> guys, I’m scrambled in lowsec
corp -> we’d help, but you’ll be dead by the time we get there
haav -> no, it’s not a pirate.
haav -> it’s a rat.
haav -> he’s scrambled me
corp -> lolwut?

2008.07.17 00:57:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Center for Advanced Studies
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Exequror
System: Mesybier
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 3603

Involved parties:

Name: Serpentis Patroller / Serpentis Corporation (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 3603

Fell asleep.

2008.07.18 15:48:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Center for Advanced Studies
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Iteron Mark II
System: Pelille
Security: 0.2
Damage Taken: 1602

Involved parties:

Name: Osmodious (laid the final blow)
Security: 0.5
Corp: System-Lords
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Typhoon
Weapon: Paradise Cruise Missile
Damage Done: 1602

found the cheapest iteron mark 2 in the region, bought it, undocked, and got reminded where I was by a few cruise missiles >.>

2009.09.06 23:09:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Eych Four Eks Zero Ahr
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Hulk
System: WYF8-8
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 6810

Involved parties:

Name: Bane Torpedo / Archangels (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 6810

Ahyup. Went to nullsec, turned the tank on, tanked a spawn, went to check on the grill, more rats warp in, I come back and see a pod >.>

2009.09.10 06:33:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Eych Four Eks Zero Ahr
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Hulk
System: Scheenins
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 6565

Involved parties:

Name: Serpentis Guard / Serpentis Corporation (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 6565

Fell asleep while mining <.<

2009.09.24 02:20:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Eych Four Eks Zero Ahr
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Hulk
System: J114443
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 5115

Involved parties:

Name: Dezzidor (laid the final blow)
Security: 5.0
Corp: Hunters Clan
Alliance: Noob Fleet
Faction: NONE
Ship: Wolf
Weapon: Domination 200mm Autocannon
Damage Done: 5115

Damn wolf BMed the grav and worked his way past my tank alarmingly quickly <..>

2009.11.26 05:27:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Buzzard
System: J161301
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 1395

Involved parties:

Name: Astraeaa (laid the final blow)
Security: -0.9
Corp: Optimus Crime.
Alliance: Triumvirate.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Helios
Weapon: Hobgoblin II
Damage Done: 1395

Name: Major Shake
Security: -0.6
Corp: The Scope
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Helios
Weapon: Tracking Disruptor II
Damage Done: 0

Nerf helios..es? heliosi? helios? One of those.

2010.01.21 04:39:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Occator
System: Crielere
Security: 0.4
Damage Taken: 8999

Involved parties:

Name: Monarch (laid the final blow)
Security: -9.1
Corp: the united
Alliance: Negative Ten.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Maelstrom
Weapon: 800mm Repeating Artillery II
Damage Done: 4904

Name: wicker man
Security: -10.0
Corp: the united
Alliance: Negative Ten.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Absolution
Weapon: Absolution
Damage Done: 3063

Name: Crashm8
Security: -10.0
Corp: the united
Alliance: Negative Ten.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Onyx
Weapon: Caldari Navy Havoc Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1032

The last time I tank a hauler instead of cargo or agility.

2010.04.01 22:38:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Dark Shadow Industries
Alliance: Rogue Elements.
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Buzzard
System: Jita
Security: 0.9
Damage Taken: 199

Involved parties:

Name: Officer Sugarboots (laid the final blow)
Security: -10.0
Corp: Jita Traffic Control
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Raven
Weapon: Large ‘Notos’ Explosive Charge I
Damage Done: 199

I hate highsec.

2010.05.01 14:52:00

Victim: herleena muran
Corp: Dark Shadow Industries
Alliance: Rogue Elements.
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Orca
System: X5-0EM
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 42933

Involved parties:

Name: Duncan MacGregor
Security: 0.6
Corp: Iridium Inc.
Alliance: Shadow of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Zealot
Weapon: Zealot
Damage Done: 9730

Name: karagahaga
Security: -0.5
Corp: The Shadow Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Cynabal
Weapon: Warrior II
Damage Done: 8048

Name: Yakudze
Security: 4.9
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Hurricane
Weapon: Hurricane
Damage Done: 7971

Name: 70x93n
Security: 2.8
Corp: The xDEATHx Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Sabre
Weapon: Sabre
Damage Done: 7505

Name: Atrosha
Security: 3.8
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Harpy
Weapon: Harpy
Damage Done: 3940

Name: Kanitel
Security: 2.5
Corp: The xDEATHx Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Flycatcher
Weapon: Thorn Rocket
Damage Done: 3041

Name: argon praim
Security: 4.4
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Scimitar
Weapon: Hobgoblin II
Damage Done: 1535

Name: YemodYar (laid the final blow)
Security: -0.7
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Falcon
Weapon: 250mm Prototype I Gauss Gun
Damage Done: 769

Name: Bromista
Security: -1.0
Corp: The Shadow Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Stiletto
Weapon: Stiletto
Damage Done: 347

Name: Henge DeMonar
Security: 4.4
Corp: The Shadow Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Basilisk
Weapon: Basilisk
Damage Done: 47

Name: Nemizzida
Security: -1.4
Corp: Iridium Inc.
Alliance: Shadow of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Loki
Weapon: Republic Fleet Warp Disruptor
Damage Done: 0

Note to self: stop playing Eve when half asleep.

Total losses:
Capsule 14
Retriever 1
Vexor 8
Iteron mark II 1
Iteron mark III 1
Iteron mark IV 3
Iteron mark V 8
Ibis 1
probe 1
Dominix 4
Slasher 1
Exequeror 4
newbship 2
Covetor 2
Hulk 4
Bantam 1
Vigil 1
shuttles 5
Buzzard 4
Badger 1
Occator 1
Catalyst 2

So, 0 isk in kills, about 1.3 bil in losses. Top that!

And as a bonus argument: Does this make me a carebear?

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I wish I could make this shit up

I’m sure everyone knows the tried and true axion of “never trust anyone in Eve”. I’d like to add another axion.

“If you’ve just woken up and have a really bad feeling about something going on, cancel warp, you fucking idiot”

So, get up this morning, look at the stack of linear algebra, login to my Orca pilot to update her skill que, someone types in alliance private chat
“Anyone want these two imperial navy multi-frequency crystals, free?”

I say sure, get a fleet invite, get fleetwarped, which triggers the first alarm bell in my head. Unfortunately, I’m still half asleep, so since my Orca’s aligned to planet VI, and the dude says he’s at planet VI moon something, I let it slide. Orca warps, and I can’t help but notice the moon he says he’s on slide worryingly past as there’s a neutral XXdeathXX spike in local.

So, I land on planet VI, and immediately start realigning to the pos, get scrammed by a loki, bubble goes up, corpmates try to assist but I tell them to hold, they’ll probably lose the two thannys to a hotdrop, set self-destruct and watch as Lebius, my Orca for eight months of W-space, which has survived through all the crazy-ass shit I’ve put it through, including warping past a russian WH pvp fleet, warping past russian dreads and such in a C6, closing a WH w/ a fleet massing on the other side, warping out moments before a bubble fleet warped in on the grav, hauling through a five-C5 link to a lowsec WH w/ a bil of compressed ore, and a huge pile of other things I cant remember right now, explodes. The pod, with +3 implants(o noes!) explodes.

Most people would be angry, but I’ve got this really weird trait. Ever since kindergarten, I’m completely unaffected by losses unless I’m convinced that the other site cheated or went outside predetermined rules, at which point I usually collapse into a complete emotional breakdown and/or start punching things. This was completely within the “rules”. They (probably) had a spy in our channel, they probably fleeted me at that exact moment and had a covops floating outside the bubble to fleetwarp me, counting on that I’d be too lazy to check the actual fleet invite.

So, if you’ll not the sabre on the killmail, I wake up in station, thankfully with all my skillpoints intact. Prasing raath for having me insure my orca, I check my wallet.

170 mil.

Apparently, the Orca wasn’t insured.

I check my mail.
The Orca’s insurance expired just over five fucking hours ago.

SO.

Got about a bil in wallet, got an outstanding loan of a bil to pay back, a plex due in 12 hours and an orca, rigged to replace.

Gotta love Eve.


No Country For Old Men

He seems like a nice man.

It was a harrowing end of the week.

I awoke Friday morning to an email to the effect of:

The POS has been attacked, and is sitting in reinforced. Somebody said they have a plan?

As it so often happens, the full story is slightly more complex, but only slightly. While pulling some ore from one of our remaining grav sites, a couple of our miners had gotten surprised by a handful of hostiles. Both were melted pretty quickly and sent packing back to empire by way of a swift podding. The band of hostiles, who had entered the system though a new K162, proceeded then to our POS and after about 3 hours, sent it into reinforced mode.

Getting two pilots killed certainly left us down in terms of raw staff manning the WH, and at present I’m certainly not flying anything with firepower enough to repel anything save a starter frigate. We had no real eyes on the system, although the senior pilots had moved some of their ships to safe areas and logged the characters off. Blake and I, both still at work, started to muse about our possibilities via gChat. We decided that there were only a handful of viable scenarios.

Read the rest of this entry »


omgwtfsplosion

Recently, a friend of mine linked a chatlog. Apparently, someone had bought a Rorqual without realizing that, being a capital ship, it could not use gates. Subsequently, he lost it on a gate. In the chatlog, he essentially explodes. With rage and idiocy.

Before that, another friend, through a series of coincidences, had all his chars outside his WH when the server crashed. When the server came back up, the WH connecting him to his 3-4 bil in assets was gone, with no way to get back in.

I’ll go ahead and let you imagine his reaction. Short story, a GM let him back in.

As I’ve heard before, Eve is a game of tens. You start out in a rookie ship and 100k isk sounds like shitloads. You get a frig and 10 mil sounds like shitloads. You get a cruiser and 100 mil sounds like shitloads. you get a BS and a bill is a shitloads. You get a carrier and usually by that point you think 500 mil is being poor.

With insurance the way it is, losing a ship isn’t much, and you can usually bounce back with the money. A personal nightmare of mine used to be losing all of my assets at once and finding myself back in a rookie ship with an empty wallet. My personal Eve nightmare has now changed to all of my friends stopping playing and possibly losing everything. And/or getting blamed for a giant corp theft or something.

In any case, if I did find myself in a frigate mining again, I still wouldn’t explode. I have friends now, friends that loaned me startup capital in a heartbeat, so even if I do find myself in a fucking navitas mining fifteen units of veldspar every fucking 60 fucking seconds until I want to hang myself…
Where was I going?

Anyway, in our WH, when we have to close a wormhole, we usually jump a bunch of medium and small sized ships through, jump the Rorq through, move the ships back through and then the Rorq, which so far has only failed few times, but we fixed that. Anyway, this scenario leave us in the situation of having a 1.7 bil ship, alone, on one side of a wormhole that usually, if we’re trying to close it, has several people on the other side that want to kill us.

I can’t accurately portray that risk, so let’s basically call it the equivalent of sticking your todger into a women’s bathroom at the annual switchblade owner convention.

Anyway, I’ve had losses before and they really didn’t bother me. When I lost the large tower to a highsec gank after getting it safely out of a C6, I made a witty comment in local and left. I lost a friend’s domi to a blob, I wished them a nice day. I would go on, but I’d like to hear your stories. What’s the worst loss you’ve had, and have you ever exploded like this idiot?


Wormholes: how not to die

1. There is no way not to die. You are going to die.
2. Possibly quickly.
3. Protect yourself from financial ruin by buying and hiding in a PoS
4. Protect your PoS from ruin by having stront and 2-3 weeks of fuel, at least, at all times.
5. Never enter an outgoing or incoming WH without either a fully insured unfitted ship and an alternate route back in, or a scan probe launcher and a shitload of patience.
6. Did I mention you are going to die?
7. The directional is your friend. But it’s a shitty friend. It’s a way around getting ganked so the gankers have ways around it. Expect to die.
8. If you find yourself outside your PoS for any reason, be aligned to a planet.
9. Don’t forget to cloak when scanning.
10. There are people who get their giggles by killing people like you. They are, statistically, much better at killing you than you are at not being killed.
11. Never leave your PoS without some method of getting back to it from highsec. This usually means having a scan alt logged off in system or in the PoS.
12. If you don’t have a scan alt, you may as well kiss your assets goodbye and start waiting for PoS fuel notifications as your base dies cold and alone because you got podded and didn’t have a damn scan alt.
13. Any WH connecting you to somewhere else is a potential threat. Be aware of incoming WHs, because someone opened that door straight to you and you better believe that they’re gonna use it.
14. If you see a ship you don’t recognize on the scanner, run. And possibly alert anyone you happen to be with.
15. If your corp mates say run, run.
16. If your corp mates start shouting, run.
17. if your corp mate types a sentence fragment, spelled poorly, consisting of any two of the following words, run.
“Sisters””fuck””combat probes””probes””directional””crap””dead””podded””run””any ship name you or he is not currently flying””back to pos””damnit””ANYTHING in capslock””gibberish”
18. Pick some symbol on your keyboard, like # or %. Rename all the ships at your pos with that symbol. If you see a ship without that symbol, run. Warning, easily countered.
19. NEVER assume that the designated Dir scanner dude is scanning. If he has a heart attack or takes a piss, you’re fucked and he could just say they had good scan ships.
20. Did I mention you’re going to die?
21. Getting whatever you came for safely inside the PoS does not mean it’s safe. Get it to Jita first, then call it safe.
22. Anchor your hangar and maintenance array next to each other. Bookmark one of them and call it “PoS” warp to it in case of speedy ship swap.
23. Heavy interdictors are small ships that mean you can’t run away, and by the time you see one on the scanner, you’re already fucked.
24. DO NOT BRING A T2 RIGGED FACTION FIT HULK INTO A WH, YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT IF YOU DO SO.(Yes, this has happened. Lost it in under 3 hours. No, it wasn’t me.)
24b. Hell, don’t bring ANYTHING faction fit or t2 rigged unless a) you’re rich enough to buy two more of em or b) you don’t believe in Murphy’s Law.
25. Do not rig your hulk with drone mining augmenters or cargo expander. Use low-friction nozzles, they decrease align time and have saved my ass when there was literally a second difference between getting scrammed by a Loki and getting away.
26. Active tank for sleepers, buffer fit for PvP, mix of both if the site isn’t too hard for gank insurance.
27. If you are attacked during a sleeper run, target the ship and try and scram him. If you didn’t bring scrams to a sleeper fight(understandable) shoot him. The sleepers will eventually switch to him.
28. If a corp mate types”Hey, is that your ____” start aligning and getting up to speed with the nearest celestial until clarification is obtained.
29. If you see a scan ship on the directional, scan again and it’s not there, do not assume that he has left, or so help me I will tear a hole from my WH to yours through sheer rage and beat you over the head with a cloaking device.
30. If you live in a class 5 wormhole, remember iambeastx has a static class 5 entrance and will find you…. eventually. Assuming he figures out how to work a scan ship.
31. If you came into the WH to fight, there are people in here already that fight better than you. If you came here to mine, watch out for the first two groups.
32. Some people will build carriers and rorquals in places that mass limitations would not usually allow them. If a carrier drops on you in a C3, don’t be surprised.
33. Carriers can get into C4s, but not easily and only from a nullsec or incoming link from a C5 or C6. Don’t be too worried.
34. When in a C5 or C6, be worried about carriers. One carrier can shut down an entire mining op until they get bored, and a carrier w/ support fleet can screw over anything else. Except…another carrier with support fleet. Have fun.
35. If your PoS has no guns, jerks will shoot it. If your PoS has guns, they will send interceptors to extinguish your ammo. If you employ webbers, they will warp out and rep. If you employ warp scrammers, they will spider tank. The goal of a WH pos is not to destroy but to annoy the fuck out of. If they have a small force, then they’re not a problem for a PoS. If they have a large force, then they’re not gonna be bothered by a few turrets. Employ shield hardeners, SB ops, and jammers to make them lose interest.
36. Have the max amount of strontium. Or you will regret it.
37. If you afk outside the bubble of a PoS, you will probably die. If you’re cloaked, you may get uncloaked. It happens.
38. C1-C2 are soloable with few skills. C3s take some skills, C4s require two people and RR, C5s require at least five people and C6s require at least ten attentive people.
39. You are going to die.
40. Do not bring implants into a WH and expect them to last over a week. I bought a set of +3s, they lasted 3 months, then I got podded twice in the same 3 days.
41. Skilled scanners can scan out a mining op and only have the probes visible to you for seven seconds. And in the WH, the scanners operate. Make the connection?
42. Never assume that the ships you see on the scanner are the only ships in the wormhole.
43. Whs will make you obscenely rich, assuming you can find an unoccupied one, not get ganked within the first week and get whatever you came for out of the wh.
44. A wormhole in your system is not active unless you or someone else warps to it. Do not activate your static WH unless you need an exit, or you’ve got one more route people can use to find you.
45. By popular opinion, a drake is a good, cheap ship for running up to class three WHs. Don’t forget, popular opinion in an internet spaceship game doesn’t mean much.

To date, I’ve lost two hulks, a covetor, a vexor, a thorax, several Itty Vs, two pods, three domis and a large tower to the WH.
BTY if anyone finds the tower “Calculated Risk” floating in a C6 somewhere and can get me a route there, drop me a line.
45. Don’t type a blog post while mining in a C6.


Epic tale of WH pain. And gank.

Man…hoooo man… have I got a post today. It all started a few days ago….

We had run out of gravs n sites, so the idea to scan the neighboring C6s for a good move target came up and a’scannin we went.

First system sucked. Four ladars(It’s always #@*%ing ladars), our k162 and a static C6. Which went to a C5. Which went to ectera, ectera, ectera:
us->c6->c6->c5->c4->c5->c6->c5->c6->c5->c5
at which point I gave up and went to bed. Woke up, decided to try and close the static. Looked it up on WH thingy, says there’s 2.13 mil mass. Alright, I thought, that’s four orca passes and two BS passes. Easy!

Fitting a probe launcher to Blake’s domi, I jumped through and watched for 16 minutes as the orca went through n back, through n back. Finally getting to the last jump, I jumped the orca through….

And watched as the WH shrank to nothing, stranding me and Blakes t2 fit domi on the wrong side. Grumbling, I went to the last WH in the chain and started scanning. In a dominix. w/ tech one probes and launcher.

An hour later, I successfully pinned a nullsec. Not wanting to bear another hour of scanning, I hopped through. Setting destination, I got six jumps before getting the shit blown outta me.

Warping the pod out, I warped another four jumps before getting caught in an intricate warp bubble system and getting blown to bits, ruining my track record of three months in a WH with a full set of +3 implants.

Waking up in unfamiliar highsec, I made triply sure to update my clone and instructed the new guy on how to scan, and waited a few hours before he found the following route:
us->c6->c4->c3->highsec.
I made my way back in, we collapsed the WH without incident and scanned a new C6. I went through in my buzzard, and noticed that we had found a cataclysmic C6 WH, or as my reaction in corp chat was:

haav ->OMFG AWESOME 100% BOOST TO RR AND CAP!!!!

I then scanned, and found ->

haav -> OMFG TWO RARIFIED CORES AND FIVE OTHER GRAVS!

I then found the static.

haav -> oh boy, static C6. I love scanning an exit.

Well, two outta three is good enough for me.

Plans were made for a move. I went to the PoSes, unloaded all the reaction thingys, and started unanchoring.

Four hours later, one of the Poses was done being unanchored. I announced our plan to move by setting up the small tower first, then the two larges over the next two days. Our corp leader intervined:

corpleader11oneeleven –>umm…. dudes, I was gonna anchor a pos tomorrow.

I negotiated it to, we would set up one large tower today, he could set up his tomorrow, then we would setup the second the day after. So, I filled an itty w/ fuel, grabbed a dominix and gave the new guy a myrm of mine so we’d look intimidating, went into the C6, picked a nice looking moon and started anchoring.

The moment we started anchoring, scan probes appeared on scanner. “Shit” was the general thought.
Then two other scan ships showed up on the scanner over the next 20 minutes. With four minutes till the PoS was anchored, our dude watching the static C6 of our static C6 said, essentially:

Cheetapilotlollol –> my word, I believe these fellows do intend to assail us!
Cheetapilotlollol –> I do believe you good fellows should expedite your retirement from our large tower, less you be smited!
Cheetapilotlollol –> I do believe they have amassed a vaga, manticore, armageddon, an oneiros and phobos! How charming!
haav –> My word, the blighters have gone and disabled my warp drive! Come, my comrade, and let us see the blighters off!
myrmpilot –> My dear chum, how I would love to assist, but I do believe our attempt at flight has rendered me beyond our remote repair range! How disastrous! Fear not, I shall try to close the distance!
haav–> good show chap! Blake, what possible endeavor has blighted you from joining this rollocky amusement?
Blake –> no answer
haav –> My word Blake, you seem to have made a grave error! You appear to be in a Helios, a ship most unsuited for this rambunctious tomfoolery! My, but the blighters are tearing into you!
myrmpilot –> My word! Haav, despite your best efforts, it seems my armor cannot hold, despite your carefully well thought out tank and RR balance!
Haav –> Oh dear!
Blake –> Oh my, for what reason do I find myself inside yonder station? I merely left my console for more tea and crumpets, and return to discover loss?
Haav –> Blake, dear boy, your absence could not have come at more an unfortunate time, the day is lost.
Blake –> How terrible!

So, everyone in the new static got podded, the tower was anchored and was under fire, we lost a cheetah somehow, and went to bed expecting to wake up to our home system in reinforced.

Waking up the following morning, both PoSes were fine, but our connecting wormhole had been closed. Somehow.

I scripted a plan to activley collapse our static wormholes until we found the C6 again, this was met with agreement once we got an exit and got all the dead people back in w/ replacement ships.

Everyone was in, my orca pilot was moving through the WH chain to home system, being escorted by an alt of mine, when they found the c4-C6 link gone. Turning around, the c4-c2 link was also gone. After some extremly AMUSING hours of scanning, my alt with four probes and no scan skills managed to get the orca pilot out, at which point my main scanned another exit route and got the orca back in.

One hour before we were going to start collapsing wormholes. At 3:36 in the morning, my time. Set times for 3 hours and went to bed. Woke up six hours later, cursed, and logged on.

Apparently we had had several k162s before I came on, but nothing had come out. We scanned a c6, warped to it, looked for the tower, closed it if it wasn’t there, scanned a new one.

Eventually, we spotted scan probes. We figured that we were collapsing WHs fast enough that they couldn’t get a good scan (stupid, stupid, stupid!). We watched the incoming WH for a while, and after a cheetah went through, and came back, and went through the static of the moment, we decided to pull a dick move and trap him in the static hur hur.

We all warped to the WH, and found a tengu waiting for us. We panicked as a group and jumped through the WH. I then panicked as a person and jumped my orca and dominix through, starting a 4 minutes timer until i could jump back through the WH and giving me a 40 second cloak right next to a tengu and a mega specifically specced to keep large ships and others from running away.

My cry of “SHIIIIIT” could be heard for regions in several directions.

Still cursing, I relayed my idiocy to the rorq pilot, who promptly logoffskied. On the wrong side of the static. I uncloaked, launched drones, turned on my tank, targeted the tengu with hopes that if I scared him off, the two warp stabs on the orca that seemed silly a few minutes ago could save my 400 mil ship, which I had just realized had about 1-200 mil of reactants and pos modules in it because I had forgotten to empty it.

Another cry of shit followed.

Then another tengu and a falcon warped in.

“shitshitshittityshittiyfuckfuckcrapcrapfuck”

Too late to decloak, I tried to make my domi as attention-grabbing as possible, launching hammerheads, priming guns and targeting everything I could.

I was then locked down w/ ECM and scrammed.

Figuring this was as good as I was going to get, the orca decloaked just as the typhoon we had been using to close WHs.

“fuckshit R**** I’m an idiot for the love of god web me”

He was jammed, of course.

Hoping that the four experienced russian pvper(Did I mention they were Russian?) would simultaneously go blind from vodka poisoning, I toggled my AB for a cycle and started to warp to the PoS. Twenty seconds later, I watched amazed as the orca warped to safety, and with even more amazement as it didn’t get stuck in a warp bubble halfway there.

Tabbing back to the domi, went through shields, armor, hull uneventfully, didn’t put a scratch on the tengu, as my track record could’ve told you (0 kills 38 losses).

Annnd now I owe blake another new domi, because I was using his because mine got killed trying to sort the large tower up that we were currently trying to get. I popped, warped to a planet, warped to the PoS, grabbed my scan ship and tore through them into the WH in case they collapsed it and left the Rorq in a C6 without scan support.

Yes, it had a probe launcher but that would take forever.

Anyway, the rorq pilot runs his typhoon through the WH and gets himself to safety. After the tengu and mega show up and start taking potshots at our shields(all the guns were taken down in preparation for the move), I send my scan ship back through, the rorqual comes back through the static, collapsing it and I web the Rorq to a planet where it promptly logs off.

Whew.
*miningzen is now listening to: We built this City*
The dudes leave (presumably) and we start anchoring some guns again. Guns go up without incident.

R*** scans the new static, two cores, cataclysmic variable so we move right in, setting up everything else.

Fly paranoid. Cause they’re out there.


Deus ex machinomgpwn

It had all happened so fast.

Among the many phrases running through the man’s head at that moment, that one was prevalent. The pieces of the proud Achnavah V floated slowly around him, named for an old friend in old times. It wasn’t the newest ship, wasn’t the cheapest, but it was the best he could find with the money he had, not counting the added cost of removing the pod interface so he could fly the thing. Hell, he had been flying the barge for months and was still afraid to pull or turn one of the many, many levers that surrounded the chair, not after the last one he tried had tried to eject the pod that wasn’t there and almost vented the atmosphere (and him along with it) into a sudden, chilly death. Figuring that terrifying experience proved some god or devil was watchin out for him, he had signed up for this expedition. The poster next to the bar made it sound glamorous, promising food, bed and very nice pay, completely shut off from the outside world. After the first few months, however, the outside world found them again.

A pang of loss ran through him as the rotation that had been spinning him slightly to the left and forward for the last ten minutes turned his visor towards the pile of scrap metal that used to be his ship. It could be worse, he reflected. The other miner could have not pinged his scanner (his own scanner currently required 6 levers to be held down while turning a knob, and after the first week of carefully holding down those and only those levers with his body while turning the knob with his teeth, he had scrapped the whole complicated business, assuming that the other, more expensive ships and people would spot danger much more efficiently), and the few second of cursing with his spacesuit could have been replaced with him cursing without atmosphere at the hull of the nearby battlecruiser class ship burning through his ship. The random lever he had kicked at with his foot while struggling could have been something other than the engine bulkheads, which would have not stopped the explosion from the engine room that would have killed him if he had not pulled the ejection lever after accidentally kicking the bulkhead lever. Yes, he reasoned, as a salvage beam played over his suit and the pile of metal he used to fly, it could certainly be worse.

He was about to start listing the ways his situation could be better when the beams suddenly stopped trying to determine if the metal just below his left knee was worth anything and vanished without a sound. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a beautiful yellow explosion, which was puzzling. What barges that hadn’t gotten away had been destroyed completely ten minutes ago, leaving him the only survivor in the belt which, just a few scant minutes ago, had been happily mining. Well, as happily as you can pull 3 levers for each strip miner every three minutes and seven others once the cargo hold was full, all of which in the most difficult positions to reach.

He REALLY should have tipped that engineer. In hindsight, the man was smirking at him a bit too much as he had left the station.

Wanting to see more of the yellow light, the pilot cursed as he rotated out of view, being treated instead to the ships who had been picking his barge’s corpse a few seconds ago lighting their engines and hightailing it in the direction of the light.  His frustration at this suddenly winked out with nary a farewell as the section of space in front of him shimmered and coalesced into the ship his friend had purchased before joining him on the expedition, citing a small disclaimer on the poster that being able to operate scanning equipment and detect the fluctuation of this hellhole-pocket of space they were in would result in a nice bonus. The ship had been cheap, it’s systems ranging from anywhere from second to fourth hand, and the scan Equipment worked most of the time. In keeping, the cloaking device that the merchant had assured him was straight from the Caldari navy supply store he had given his friend for his last birthday could only work for three minutes at a time.

The ship was ugly.

He was sure that the designer of the Gallente scanner fitted ship had had a glorious dream of a ship with sleek curves, that would be pleasing to the eye while designed to be invisible. He was similarly sure that somewhere along the line an engineer took the glorious, beautiful design and scrapped it due to a drunken bar bet, replacing the blueprints with those of an item generally seen in the hands of exotic dancers on holoreels.

Regardless of how he felt about the ship in general, as the green glow of a tractor beam guided him into the cargo hold and the ship burned space-rubber out of the , he didn’t give a flip what the damn thing looked like.

/*

Written suddenly while wiring the new lights for the kitchen. Not based on actual events, though some have been close. Seriously, the way the helios looks is why I cross-trained my main for caldari frigate, the damn thing looks like some sort of vibrator. In my opinion.

*/