I’m sure everyone knows the tried and true axion of “never trust anyone in Eve”. I’d like to add another axion.
“If you’ve just woken up and have a really bad feeling about something going on, cancel warp, you fucking idiot”
So, get up this morning, look at the stack of linear algebra, login to my Orca pilot to update her skill que, someone types in alliance private chat
“Anyone want these two imperial navy multi-frequency crystals, free?”
I say sure, get a fleet invite, get fleetwarped, which triggers the first alarm bell in my head. Unfortunately, I’m still half asleep, so since my Orca’s aligned to planet VI, and the dude says he’s at planet VI moon something, I let it slide. Orca warps, and I can’t help but notice the moon he says he’s on slide worryingly past as there’s a neutral XXdeathXX spike in local.
So, I land on planet VI, and immediately start realigning to the pos, get scrammed by a loki, bubble goes up, corpmates try to assist but I tell them to hold, they’ll probably lose the two thannys to a hotdrop, set self-destruct and watch as Lebius, my Orca for eight months of W-space, which has survived through all the crazy-ass shit I’ve put it through, including warping past a russian WH pvp fleet, warping past russian dreads and such in a C6, closing a WH w/ a fleet massing on the other side, warping out moments before a bubble fleet warped in on the grav, hauling through a five-C5 link to a lowsec WH w/ a bil of compressed ore, and a huge pile of other things I cant remember right now, explodes. The pod, with +3 implants(o noes!) explodes.
Most people would be angry, but I’ve got this really weird trait. Ever since kindergarten, I’m completely unaffected by losses unless I’m convinced that the other site cheated or went outside predetermined rules, at which point I usually collapse into a complete emotional breakdown and/or start punching things. This was completely within the “rules”. They (probably) had a spy in our channel, they probably fleeted me at that exact moment and had a covops floating outside the bubble to fleetwarp me, counting on that I’d be too lazy to check the actual fleet invite.
So, if you’ll not the sabre on the killmail, I wake up in station, thankfully with all my skillpoints intact. Prasing raath for having me insure my orca, I check my wallet.
Apparently, the Orca wasn’t insured.
I check my mail.
The Orca’s insurance expired just over five fucking hours ago.
Got about a bil in wallet, got an outstanding loan of a bil to pay back, a plex due in 12 hours and an orca, rigged to replace.
Gotta love Eve.
In games, there’s generally two kinds of income: Active and passive. Active is, say, running a mission or killing ten wild boars, while passive incomes are essentially investing your pile of money in something and coming back after a certain amount of time to find a larger amount of money.
After losing the PoS Calculated Risk(Again, if anyone sees it, take a potshot at it and I’ll convo you from the “pos under attack” message), a friend pointed out to me how incredibly stupid it was to have a PoS running reactions in a C6, which was both difficult to access and was under impending doom from a carrier or dread, as well as having no moon mining ability, essentially making it nullsec in terms of risk but with none of the supplemented costs of moon mining.
So, I locked myself in a few gravs for a few days and managed to scrape together about 500 mil and enough self esteem to not shoot myself after spending a few days mining. After talking with a friend, he loaned me about 200 mil for starting up my idea and I started training an alt to manage the thing. This original hauling alt was followed by a combat alt, an emergency scan alt and a trade alt, so as of now all of my characters are involved in WH space in one way or another.
The origonal “Plan Awesome” went as follows:
1. Buy a PoS, silos, reactors, materials.
2. find/go into a WH you found previously
3. Setup the PoSes and get the reactions running
4. Forget about the entire thing for a week or so.
5. Come back, get the products to jita
Unfortunately, since I needed defenses on the towers, I was only able to use coupling arrays, meaning that instead of my projected “once a week” screw with, I had to manage these things every 14 hours. For the sake of my sleep schedule, I screwed with them every 12 hours.
Anyrate, the first revision of Plan Awesome came when we scanned a route to highsec that went through a C1. I logged a scan alt off in it, waited a few days to make sure it was unoccupied, and scanned an exit 3 jumps from jita at the same time we got a highsec exit from our C6 10 jumps from jita at the same time our freighter alt finished hauling my pile of PoS equipment crap to Jita.
Now, anyone with half a spinal column will tell you that you need a fleet of battleships and/or a dread or two to take down a large pos. Assuming, yaknow, if they could stop screaming long enough to form an opinion. A C1 has the nice perk of only allowing a BC or smaller inside, so on paper my PoS was practically immortal…assuming I didn’t get someone so pissed off at me that they built a PoS inside my WH, built a dread at it and used that to take down my PoSes, so I was able to completely forget about defenses and anchor reactors and silos to the large towers, meaning that I now only need to screw with these things every few days.
Anyway, the first PoS went up with several small, unimportant incidents that were all managed eventually and I was able to get a scan ship, an emergency scan ship, a second emergency scan ship and an emergency scan alt in his own scan ship logged off just in case I lost all three, which seemed impossible. Murphy’s law is an asshole.
Anyrate, remember how my main corp got wardecced?
To avoid getting my newbie char ganked, I made a corp and moved all parties involved into it. Well, at some point, unnoticed by me, one of the members of that wardeccing corp found his way into my WH and logged off.
Let me reiterate, there is absolutely no link between my main corp and the alt corp. Unless the dude was somehow in our private chat channel, there is no way to connect us. Anyway, my first day in the C1, I warp to where the static was yesterday and start scanning for a new one in a tech one scan frig. An arazu decloaks and starts shooting at me. I’m so surprised that he manages to get a lock on me and kills my less-than-a-mil scan ship, but I still get the pod out, get another scan frig, fit it, fly it to a different safespot and through a series of coincidences lose that one too. A bit unnerved, I log the scan alt on and scan a static, warp to it, warp my combat char to him, and head back to empire and buy more scan ships.
Over the course of the next week he kills four more scan ships and three salvage boats, culminating with me, sitting in a cleared anomaly while my salvage char zips around in a tristan picking up wrecks when the arazu warps in and starts locking the tristan. I tell the combat pilot, in a drake, to lock the arazu while telling the tristan to run his stupid ass off. He gets out, and the Arazu scrambles the drake. Then jams it. No stranger to ECM, I check my cargo for FoF missiles(damnit!) and keep trying to get a lock on him, waiting for the inevitable triple-ecm-fail that’s screwed my ECM ships over so many times. The jams fail, I get a lock, I launch one salvo of missiles and a falcon with a name suspiciously similar to the Arazu’s name warps in and jams me. They both launch drones and start pecking away at me. My only offensive option at this point is to launch my three hobgoblins(lost 2 during the anomaly) and hope I can eliminate enough of their DPS that they don’t break my passive tank. Surprise surprise, they’re 30km away and pop all my drones. I run through my options, and I’ve got none. Wait, no, make that one. One extremely stupid one. I log on my hauling char and head to my static to buy some FoF missiles.
I get to the static at about the same time that he starts getting past my tank, when I notice that he’s stopped scramming me. Trying to look as combaty as possible, I align to a planet and warp out just before my tank goes to armor. He posts in local:
“I’d kill you, but IRL issues. Bye”
I think I’d feel better if he had killed me…
Anyway, after a few days he leaves my WH and I get back into the swing of things, managing the PoS, running anomalies and selling stuff in jita. I manage to make it to jita with three days of products and nanoribbons and profit about 200 mil, so I switch to a more expensive, but higher profit moon goo reaction. That’s where I am now. The revised plan awesome now involves expanding this operation to every moon so that no-one can build a PoS of their own and attack me with a dread or something. And maybe to anchor some guns at some point.
Man…hoooo man… have I got a post today. It all started a few days ago….
We had run out of gravs n sites, so the idea to scan the neighboring C6s for a good move target came up and a’scannin we went.
First system sucked. Four ladars(It’s always #@*%ing ladars), our k162 and a static C6. Which went to a C5. Which went to ectera, ectera, ectera:
at which point I gave up and went to bed. Woke up, decided to try and close the static. Looked it up on WH thingy, says there’s 2.13 mil mass. Alright, I thought, that’s four orca passes and two BS passes. Easy!
Fitting a probe launcher to Blake’s domi, I jumped through and watched for 16 minutes as the orca went through n back, through n back. Finally getting to the last jump, I jumped the orca through….
And watched as the WH shrank to nothing, stranding me and Blakes t2 fit domi on the wrong side. Grumbling, I went to the last WH in the chain and started scanning. In a dominix. w/ tech one probes and launcher.
An hour later, I successfully pinned a nullsec. Not wanting to bear another hour of scanning, I hopped through. Setting destination, I got six jumps before getting the shit blown outta me.
Warping the pod out, I warped another four jumps before getting caught in an intricate warp bubble system and getting blown to bits, ruining my track record of three months in a WH with a full set of +3 implants.
Waking up in unfamiliar highsec, I made triply sure to update my clone and instructed the new guy on how to scan, and waited a few hours before he found the following route:
I made my way back in, we collapsed the WH without incident and scanned a new C6. I went through in my buzzard, and noticed that we had found a cataclysmic C6 WH, or as my reaction in corp chat was:
haav ->OMFG AWESOME 100% BOOST TO RR AND CAP!!!!
I then scanned, and found ->
haav -> OMFG TWO RARIFIED CORES AND FIVE OTHER GRAVS!
I then found the static.
haav -> oh boy, static C6. I love scanning an exit.
Well, two outta three is good enough for me.
Plans were made for a move. I went to the PoSes, unloaded all the reaction thingys, and started unanchoring.
Four hours later, one of the Poses was done being unanchored. I announced our plan to move by setting up the small tower first, then the two larges over the next two days. Our corp leader intervined:
corpleader11oneeleven –>umm…. dudes, I was gonna anchor a pos tomorrow.
I negotiated it to, we would set up one large tower today, he could set up his tomorrow, then we would setup the second the day after. So, I filled an itty w/ fuel, grabbed a dominix and gave the new guy a myrm of mine so we’d look intimidating, went into the C6, picked a nice looking moon and started anchoring.
The moment we started anchoring, scan probes appeared on scanner. “Shit” was the general thought.
Then two other scan ships showed up on the scanner over the next 20 minutes. With four minutes till the PoS was anchored, our dude watching the static C6 of our static C6 said, essentially:
Cheetapilotlollol –> my word, I believe these fellows do intend to assail us!
Cheetapilotlollol –> I do believe you good fellows should expedite your retirement from our large tower, less you be smited!
Cheetapilotlollol –> I do believe they have amassed a vaga, manticore, armageddon, an oneiros and phobos! How charming!
haav –> My word, the blighters have gone and disabled my warp drive! Come, my comrade, and let us see the blighters off!
myrmpilot –> My dear chum, how I would love to assist, but I do believe our attempt at flight has rendered me beyond our remote repair range! How disastrous! Fear not, I shall try to close the distance!
haav–> good show chap! Blake, what possible endeavor has blighted you from joining this rollocky amusement?
Blake –> no answer
haav –> My word Blake, you seem to have made a grave error! You appear to be in a Helios, a ship most unsuited for this rambunctious tomfoolery! My, but the blighters are tearing into you!
myrmpilot –> My word! Haav, despite your best efforts, it seems my armor cannot hold, despite your carefully well thought out tank and RR balance!
Haav –> Oh dear!
Blake –> Oh my, for what reason do I find myself inside yonder station? I merely left my console for more tea and crumpets, and return to discover loss?
Haav –> Blake, dear boy, your absence could not have come at more an unfortunate time, the day is lost.
Blake –> How terrible!
So, everyone in the new static got podded, the tower was anchored and was under fire, we lost a cheetah somehow, and went to bed expecting to wake up to our home system in reinforced.
Waking up the following morning, both PoSes were fine, but our connecting wormhole had been closed. Somehow.
I scripted a plan to activley collapse our static wormholes until we found the C6 again, this was met with agreement once we got an exit and got all the dead people back in w/ replacement ships.
Everyone was in, my orca pilot was moving through the WH chain to home system, being escorted by an alt of mine, when they found the c4-C6 link gone. Turning around, the c4-c2 link was also gone. After some extremly AMUSING hours of scanning, my alt with four probes and no scan skills managed to get the orca pilot out, at which point my main scanned another exit route and got the orca back in.
One hour before we were going to start collapsing wormholes. At 3:36 in the morning, my time. Set times for 3 hours and went to bed. Woke up six hours later, cursed, and logged on.
Apparently we had had several k162s before I came on, but nothing had come out. We scanned a c6, warped to it, looked for the tower, closed it if it wasn’t there, scanned a new one.
Eventually, we spotted scan probes. We figured that we were collapsing WHs fast enough that they couldn’t get a good scan (stupid, stupid, stupid!). We watched the incoming WH for a while, and after a cheetah went through, and came back, and went through the static of the moment, we decided to pull a dick move and trap him in the static hur hur.
We all warped to the WH, and found a tengu waiting for us. We panicked as a group and jumped through the WH. I then panicked as a person and jumped my orca and dominix through, starting a 4 minutes timer until i could jump back through the WH and giving me a 40 second cloak right next to a tengu and a mega specifically specced to keep large ships and others from running away.
My cry of “SHIIIIIT” could be heard for regions in several directions.
Still cursing, I relayed my idiocy to the rorq pilot, who promptly logoffskied. On the wrong side of the static. I uncloaked, launched drones, turned on my tank, targeted the tengu with hopes that if I scared him off, the two warp stabs on the orca that seemed silly a few minutes ago could save my 400 mil ship, which I had just realized had about 1-200 mil of reactants and pos modules in it because I had forgotten to empty it.
Another cry of shit followed.
Then another tengu and a falcon warped in.
Too late to decloak, I tried to make my domi as attention-grabbing as possible, launching hammerheads, priming guns and targeting everything I could.
I was then locked down w/ ECM and scrammed.
Figuring this was as good as I was going to get, the orca decloaked just as the typhoon we had been using to close WHs.
“fuckshit R**** I’m an idiot for the love of god web me”
He was jammed, of course.
Hoping that the four experienced russian pvper(Did I mention they were Russian?) would simultaneously go blind from vodka poisoning, I toggled my AB for a cycle and started to warp to the PoS. Twenty seconds later, I watched amazed as the orca warped to safety, and with even more amazement as it didn’t get stuck in a warp bubble halfway there.
Tabbing back to the domi, went through shields, armor, hull uneventfully, didn’t put a scratch on the tengu, as my track record could’ve told you (0 kills 38 losses).
Annnd now I owe blake another new domi, because I was using his because mine got killed trying to sort the large tower up that we were currently trying to get. I popped, warped to a planet, warped to the PoS, grabbed my scan ship and tore through them into the WH in case they collapsed it and left the Rorq in a C6 without scan support.
Yes, it had a probe launcher but that would take forever.
Anyway, the rorq pilot runs his typhoon through the WH and gets himself to safety. After the tengu and mega show up and start taking potshots at our shields(all the guns were taken down in preparation for the move), I send my scan ship back through, the rorqual comes back through the static, collapsing it and I web the Rorq to a planet where it promptly logs off.
*miningzen is now listening to: We built this City*
The dudes leave (presumably) and we start anchoring some guns again. Guns go up without incident.
R*** scans the new static, two cores, cataclysmic variable so we move right in, setting up everything else.
Fly paranoid. Cause they’re out there.
I won’t lie; I’m a work-shy freeloader when it comes to scanning. Usually, by the time I sleep through my alarm, eat breakfast, take a shower and get around to logging on, there’s either a grav to hit or a WH to haul ore through for the next paycheck. Unfortunately, I can get dedicated to the tiniest things, and my brain won’t shut off till the task is complete.
This is why it’s currently… four in the morning and I’m still trying to scan a highsec exit. So, scan tips.
An important think to remember in wormholes is that there are two types of wormholes: incoming and outgoing. Or, as I like to call them, “someone’s found us” and “we found another empty neighbor”. Most WHs will have a static type, which means that at any given time if you start scanning that WH you will always find a WH of the given type, for example, a c6. Since the WH we currently reside in has a static C6, this makes scanning a route to highsec all kinds of fun and laughs, when you consider that C6s are the deepest you will go into WH space and are therefore have the lowest chance of a nice highsec to cart 400,000 m3 of ore out of.
Anyway, here’s the process I’ve developed that works for me:
1. Go through the WH/warp to empty space
2. Don’t forget to BM the WH before you do anything else.
3. Open your scanner, go to the directional tab.Turn off active overview settings and press scan. If you don’t see scan probes, PoSes, pos guns, ships, or anything that looks threatening, proceed to step 4. If not, inform your corp mates, and proceed to step four carefully.
4. Launch four probes, then move 15km away from the WH.
6. Set one of the probes to 32 AU and move it to the center of the system. If the probe does not encompass the entire system, set all the probes to 32 AU and do the best you can.
7. Press “Scan”, wait 5-10 seconds, then look at the signatures that result. Whine to your corp about how many signatures there are (if over 15) or how unlikely a highsec exit is (if lower than 15).
8. Choose a signature at random.
9. Set your probes to one size bigger than the sig..sphere. If the sig is a red dot, set the probes to 8 AU.
10. Move your probes into a 2D diamond shape, and move as group (shift-click) so that the four circles form some sort of weird shape covering the circle completely. Hit scan again.
11. If the signature disapeared, and there are no other signatures, make your probes one size bigger and scan again. If there are other signatures, go back to step 9 for that sig.
12. If there are now two signatures of the same name, curse quietly to yourself. Move your group of probes slightly up or down so that only one sig is encompassed. Rescan. if the sig vanished, move the group over where the other sig used to be. If that sig vanished as well, curse a bit louder, increase probes by a size and scan again, going back to step 9.
13. If the sig formed a 2d circle: Curse again. Make the probes one size bigger, encompass the circle, and scan again. Go to step 9.
14. If the sig formed a red dot: Silently cheer to yourself. Go to step 17.
15: If the sig turned yellow: look at it in the scanner menu. If it’s the type you want, cheer and go to step 17. If not, angrily right click and select ignore this signeture. Go back to step 6
16. If the sig turned green: Yay! You just found something! Make sure your ship is cloaked and warp to 20km of it. Bookmark some object with an informative name:
“Bitchin Crokite” is not informative. “Excep. core Crokite” is. “I hate scanning” is not informative. “Static C6” is.
17. Reduce your probes by one size and adjust them to keep forming the diamond around the dot. Press scan again and go to step 9.
18. Fake a disconnect so you don’t have to help scan another damn c6 w/ 30 sigs in it.
In flowchart form:
It had all happened so fast.
Among the many phrases running through the man’s head at that moment, that one was prevalent. The pieces of the proud Achnavah V floated slowly around him, named for an old friend in old times. It wasn’t the newest ship, wasn’t the cheapest, but it was the best he could find with the money he had, not counting the added cost of removing the pod interface so he could fly the thing. Hell, he had been flying the barge for months and was still afraid to pull or turn one of the many, many levers that surrounded the chair, not after the last one he tried had tried to eject the pod that wasn’t there and almost vented the atmosphere (and him along with it) into a sudden, chilly death. Figuring that terrifying experience proved some god or devil was watchin out for him, he had signed up for this expedition. The poster next to the bar made it sound glamorous, promising food, bed and very nice pay, completely shut off from the outside world. After the first few months, however, the outside world found them again.
A pang of loss ran through him as the rotation that had been spinning him slightly to the left and forward for the last ten minutes turned his visor towards the pile of scrap metal that used to be his ship. It could be worse, he reflected. The other miner could have not pinged his scanner (his own scanner currently required 6 levers to be held down while turning a knob, and after the first week of carefully holding down those and only those levers with his body while turning the knob with his teeth, he had scrapped the whole complicated business, assuming that the other, more expensive ships and people would spot danger much more efficiently), and the few second of cursing with his spacesuit could have been replaced with him cursing without atmosphere at the hull of the nearby battlecruiser class ship burning through his ship. The random lever he had kicked at with his foot while struggling could have been something other than the engine bulkheads, which would have not stopped the explosion from the engine room that would have killed him if he had not pulled the ejection lever after accidentally kicking the bulkhead lever. Yes, he reasoned, as a salvage beam played over his suit and the pile of metal he used to fly, it could certainly be worse.
He was about to start listing the ways his situation could be better when the beams suddenly stopped trying to determine if the metal just below his left knee was worth anything and vanished without a sound. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a beautiful yellow explosion, which was puzzling. What barges that hadn’t gotten away had been destroyed completely ten minutes ago, leaving him the only survivor in the belt which, just a few scant minutes ago, had been happily mining. Well, as happily as you can pull 3 levers for each strip miner every three minutes and seven others once the cargo hold was full, all of which in the most difficult positions to reach.
He REALLY should have tipped that engineer. In hindsight, the man was smirking at him a bit too much as he had left the station.
Wanting to see more of the yellow light, the pilot cursed as he rotated out of view, being treated instead to the ships who had been picking his barge’s corpse a few seconds ago lighting their engines and hightailing it in the direction of the light. His frustration at this suddenly winked out with nary a farewell as the section of space in front of him shimmered and coalesced into the ship his friend had purchased before joining him on the expedition, citing a small disclaimer on the poster that being able to operate scanning equipment and detect the fluctuation of this hellhole-pocket of space they were in would result in a nice bonus. The ship had been cheap, it’s systems ranging from anywhere from second to fourth hand, and the scan Equipment worked most of the time. In keeping, the cloaking device that the merchant had assured him was straight from the Caldari navy supply store he had given his friend for his last birthday could only work for three minutes at a time.
The ship was ugly.
He was sure that the designer of the Gallente scanner fitted ship had had a glorious dream of a ship with sleek curves, that would be pleasing to the eye while designed to be invisible. He was similarly sure that somewhere along the line an engineer took the glorious, beautiful design and scrapped it due to a drunken bar bet, replacing the blueprints with those of an item generally seen in the hands of exotic dancers on holoreels.
Regardless of how he felt about the ship in general, as the green glow of a tractor beam guided him into the cargo hold and the ship burned space-rubber out of the , he didn’t give a flip what the damn thing looked like.
Written suddenly while wiring the new lights for the kitchen. Not based on actual events, though some have been close. Seriously, the way the helios looks is why I cross-trained my main for caldari frigate, the damn thing looks like some sort of vibrator. In my opinion.