Lucky Bastard XIII

My apologies, I’ve been farting around in highsec running incursions with a shiny fleet, making me the 1% of incursion runners, according to the forums. An unfortunate side effect of this is very few funny stories, unless you can make the next Odyssey out of “I repped that guy when his shields went low, but then this other dude’s shields went low, so I repped him too; then the FC warped us out without saying anything and I lost my drones again”

The recent unwashed masses pissing in the free ISK fountain finally gave me a sense of scope. I’m doing the same thing over and over again to the extreme as a source of fun. As I said in a very depressing post I typed over the weekend and threw into the trashcan because it was too depressing, once you accomplish your goal you have to find a new one as fast as possible. Since my previous goal in Eve was “make lots of ISK” I was rapidly and easily curbstomping any source of a challenge with these 100-150 mil/hour sites.

Not that I’d stop doing them if the huddled dirty masses wern’t ruining the sites but STILL, point stands. No goal, no point, no fun.

So in an effort to fling myself back into my actual corp who had been wondering where I’d been for last few months, I grabbed a Buzzard, kit it out for scanning with an offline cyno and tore a new one on my way to Branch, which according to the corpmails is where we’re setting up. According to my lossmails, I titled the Buzzard “Lucky Bastard XIII” and flew off into the great void, pointing and laughing at anyone who dared try to lock me.

Until I got to nullsec where I realized I wasn’t sure exactly how to get to Branch. Sure, I knew where it was(kinda in the northy part), what it was (that place goons are fighting in), and the general area(above that circular place without sov) but I wasn’t sure what route to take. So, being a bit of a moron I started warping through gates based on which one moved me closer to a regional gate that pointed in the general direction of Branch.

That’s how I ended up in Venal. I jumped through a gate, there’s a Drake sitting there with me. “AHA!”, I think; “This is a perfect chance to test my microwarpdrive cloak trick, which is wholly unnecessary in all but the most coordinated gatecamps!”.

So I smoothly orient myself away from the gate, double click in space and press my MWD and cloak in that order at the perfect time, having practiced this over and over back when I was using the same trick on an Itty V. (Shut up, it worked and I couldn’t afford a Viator).

Feeling full of myself for demonstrating that months of pressing F1 through F4 whenever one of the ten grey bars on my screen turned red, I jumped through the next gate into a significantly bigger gatecamp. Remaining calm, I oriented myself, double clicked and hit my MWD and Cloak in that order.

“That module failed to activate since you are cloaked”.

For those who didn’t spend several hours cursing at an Iteron Mark V with an overloaded afterburner and a cloaking device, that message means that you were slightly off on your timing, activating the cloak and then the thrust module. On a Buzzard, the ship I was presently flying, this didn’t matter much except to a skilled gatecamp. Unfortunately I was still in the Iteron Mark V mindset from several months of pressing F1 through F4 whenever one of the ten grey bars on my screen turned red.

I instantly panicked and assumed that for some reason my CLOAK had failed to activate due to my cloak being active, so I mashed my F1 key again with all the panic of a velocity-fit Iteron V staring at a lowsec gatecamp.

It was at this point that my modules helpfully updated with the fact that my cloak had indeed been activated but since I had asked so kindly it was now turned off. For those who don’t know, there is a three to four second delay between decloaking and recloaking, probably for balance issues. More than enough time to lock me and therefore kill me.

In hindsight what was I expecting with a name like Lucky Bastard XIII? Here’s hoping for better luck with XIV.


Hold on a second

Crucible has been announced with the long awaited supercapital nerf, which makes them mostly tools for fighting other supercapitals and/or things that hold still.

A while back, AHARM was caught using a kinda-sorta-obviously-exploit in a certain type of wormhole. For those who don’t know, some wormholes have special effects, like increasing RR power but decreasing local rep power, increasing armor resists but lowering shield, ect ect. These effects go from barely noticable in a C1 class wormhole to holy-shit-this-3xRR-domi-is-stable when you’re in a C6.

One of these wormholes increased damage from all ships(Sleepers included) by 100%, as well as boosting the strength of all types of EWAR, including tracking disruptors. Some bright spark figured out that if you tracking disrupted someone so hard their midslots swapped places their tracking would go into the negative or go below -1 or something similar that wasn’t supposed to be doable. The result of this was that the ship being disrupted gained LITERALLY perfect tracking and optimal range(250k), if you happened to be sensor dampening them at the same time or something.

Rooks and Kings, some nullsec or wormhole or whatever group whose name I only know because they attacked Split Infinity Radio, attacked AHARM in their home wormhole and were a bit supprised by being hit by blaster boats from 250k away perfectly each time. They petitioned CCP, CCP changed the way that wormhole worked and didn’t ban anyone, everyone went their separate ways.

Now some large group has gained an advantage over another MAYBE through an exploit(bots). They are almost impossible to kill and everyone is still trying to work on ways to counter and/or welcoming their new overlords. And since CCP either can’t or won’t detect and remove the bots, they have gained this power “fair and square”.

(Incidentally I use the term maybe because they might have used the bot money for something other than supers. Like titans or candy.)

Supercapitals aren’t being nerfed because the Russians gained critical mass of them through exploits, they’re being nerfed because nullsec stood on the edge of becoming carebearland and/or Russianland. The game has almost been “broken” through some means because one value grew too big using CCP-Approved methods.

So they’re nerfing supercapitals. If I were the DRF CEO or Director that said “hey, we have all this ISK, let’s sink it into SUPERCAPITALS”, I’d feel a bit cheated right now.

Supercarriers are expensive. Right now, on my “list of shit to do on Eve”, “own a supercarrier” is pretty far down on the list, mostly because of the 18 bil cost and that I’m probably going to lose the damn thing the moment I board it. For me, flying the second biggest ship in Eve defines the “endgame”.

My point is, what if instead of supercarriers RUSEve spent it on, say, making accounts or hiring people to fly with them? Okay, they did that with PL and THEN got the supercarriers, but what if they had taken it even farther? What if fighting RUSEve didn’t mean one unstoppable fleet, it meant THREE fightable fleets attacking separate targets with huge subcap numbers, reps and such. You could fight one, and win, but it would be instantly replaced while the other two wrecked whatever they were attacking. Controlling multiple accounts is not hard, and I could probably write a script or program to control an alpha fleet BS(pleasedon’taskmeto pleasedon’tbanmeCCP).

And also, now that the context of nullsec and supercarriers has defined “Overpowered”, can we please have the old wormhole exploit back? If everyone has it it isn’t an unfair advantage, and it would make for extremely weird/fun fleet fights.


Go to that website. Note how tiny the little slider bar is. Read those changes, CURRENTLY ON SINGULARITY. If you do not at least once feel that manly feeling of being about to cry, you are eligible for a full refund on your next purchase at Home Depot, you goddamn robot.

I cannot see Crucible flopping. The new Battlecruisers look nice and have an interesting niche, I almost cried when I saw the new nebulae(nebulars? nebulae’?) and all of those modules you wish had t2 versions now do.

In addition, some of the tiny little things you always hated but always felt like a wuss complaining about are gone, like planets mysteriously turning into ghosts as you warped through them, and the session timer is reduced(a little). STILL COUNTS.

I keep thinking though, about the development. ONE team from World of Darkness, Team Papercut, gave us a loot all button, improved the Warp Command, a goddamn alliance jump bridge option to the system map, fixed that annoying thing where AFK cloakers could jam up your anomalies(although it might make salvaging a bit more rushed) and made drones harder to lose.

One Team did this. My hat is off to you guys.

I was joking around before Crucible was announced that CCP should make an expansion “We fixed the things that irked you and some things you didn’t notice before”, and holy shit this fits the bill. I’ve still got almost no isk to my name, classes this semester are “interesting”, but DAMN if Eve isn’t getting more awesomer!


You know what I mean.

The Latest Eve Scam

For those who have forgotten how to left click, the above is the manefesto of the latest Eve scam (hence the clever title) in which some people took about a trillion isk from slightly less smart people via a ponzi scheme, which is ironic because we actually had a ponzi scheme in real life recently, via one Bernie Madoff.

Or as the kindly old lady that lives across the street from me calls him, “that rotten bastard of a man”. Here’s how a ponzi scheme works, as far as I can tell.

Person A is the ponzi….er? Person’s B and C are the ponziee….es.

Person A says to Person B “If you give me an investment I will pay you back a percent of my profits”. Person B, being a typical Eve player tells Person A to fuck off. Person C being a Wow player says “sure!” and gives him 100 bucks, which entitles him to ten bucks a month until he takes the money back from Person A. Person A then goes to a bunch of other people and asks them for money under the same conditions. He uses their money to pay back person B’s 10 bucks a month as well as everyone else’s percents until they tell all their friends to give Person A money because look at all the money he gave us.

Once the scheme reaches critical mass(Either Person A has as much money as he wants or new people don’t join fast enough for him to pay off the people who have already given him money) he buys a boat and flies away forever with your money, fuck you.

So, this happened. I’d say to never trust anyone in Eve but with my recent embargo into trading(I’m not Blake but I’m starting to get the hang of it) I may be asking for investment at some point.

In conclusion trust no-one except for kindly old Mr. Miningzen, because he never loses ships/isk, doesn’t owe several other people billions of isk and loves you all to pieces.

Welcome Back to Null

So we left WI when they went the goon way, and went to highsec. I had a modest stockpile of isk left over from various rat-related things, so I bought two covetors and multiboxed in a belt with a friend of mine hauling. After a few hours of this I refine it at station, haul it to jita and split the profits with my friend 50-50 because hey, he’s new.

Ten. Fucking. Mil.


For two hours of goddamn mining. I realize that readers of this blog and/or russian mining bots mine in highsec all day and love every moment of it, but FUCK, that is the second worst use of my Eve time, the worst of which being arguing in public channels.

So me and the rest of the corp said “fuck that shit”, a few…bodies later and we’re in Imperial 0rder. Yes, that’s a zero. No, I don’t want to talk about it. We’re currently down in Omst, and if you’ve never heard of that region, there’s a good reason and here it is:

So, ass end of nowhere and very little to speak of a JB map. Screw it, I grab my orca (Lebius II, Lebius I being lost to russians who fleetwarped me into a gang one sleepy morning) and prepare to jump all the way down there, starting from the staging system keb….keber…kebi… kibbers. Yeah, that sounds right. I manage to get all my assets shoved into the orca, all the alts down to Kibbers hours before we get into the alliance and the wardec that they mentioned but we forgot goes live.

I’m sitting around arguing in public channels when suddenly, alliance chat. We say hi, then our CEO says in corp “get yer asses to hek, we’ve got a wormhole from there straight to Omst.”

So, about eighteen jumps. Through Amarr. And a wardec just went live.

If any wartarget alts watched an orca being scouted by three pods through highsec space, they made no comment.

So, mining, in nullsec, yay, it’s more profitable, still boring tho. Until a red appears in system.


Oh wait, he’s in station. Apparently this space was taken by us from Russians a while back.

[ 2011.07.13 00:02:52 ] Aeon Massai > so this one time at band camp…. a russian dude raped the counselors
[ 2011.07.13 00:02:57 ] Guyas Boltier > hey how come my keyboard doesnt have those kool weirdo keys
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:10 ] Aeon Massai > its cool tho the counselors were all religious nuts
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:17 ] Aeon Massai > get it? raped? nuts?
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:18 ] Praxyis > It’s not cobbled together with crap parts…
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:35 ] Guyas Boltier > haha
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:01 ] Yubitsume > what is he flying?
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:09 ] Guyas Boltier > hes docked
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:17 ] Aeon Massai > a station
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:20 ] Yubitsume > ah
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:23 ] Yubitsume > thats funny
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:23 ] Aeon Massai > he’s playing with his “pod”
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:44 ] Praxyis > He can’t figure out how to undock…
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:45 ] Yubitsume > Knock knock! can Zlyca come out and play?
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:53 ] Aeon Massai > no
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:59 ] Aeon Massai > his bot doesnt understand that command
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:00 ] Yubitsume > awww
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:14 ] Aeon Massai > there are other people in local so he has to stay docked or remin cloakedf
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:52 ] Aeon Massai > you know why we dont have to hear scotty the docking manager’s shit anymore?
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:59 ] Aeon Massai > cuz now it’s ivan the docking amnager’s shit
[ 2011.07.13 00:07:11 ] zlyca > надо каму ??? 13th Tier Overseer’s Personal Effects
[ 2011.07.13 00:07:13 ] zlyca > 15th Tier Overseer’s Personal Effects
[ 2011.07.13 00:07:27 ] Aeon Massai > sure why not comradesky

Russian dude, stuck in station, selling stuff. Guess he’s a market alt.

[ 2011.07.13 00:22:57 ] zlyca > (( мде it is heavy through the translator!!!

And google translator still hasn’t mastered Russian to English.

[ 2011.07.13 00:40:54 ] zlyca > Color I think there is nothing doesn’t tell it an alliance in which I have entered) the enemy I to you am not! At present we live on other party from you
[ 2011.07.13 00:43:27 ] zlyca > Tell you me understanding?

[ 2011.07.13 00:48:39 ] Guyas Boltier > ill help you, join my fleet
[ 2011.07.13 00:50:53 ] Admiral Kiev > Red Alliance = Red/bad guy/KOS
[ 2011.07.13 00:51:14 ] Admiral Kiev > how else can I spell it out for you?

[ 2011.07.13 00:52:14 ] zlyca > To the magician to assure you that I here not with war! I not the guerrilla! Or the spy. I simply don’t want to throw the things!! Wanted to sell and leave! And all and needs you not to touch and be not to disturbed!

ooo, he has shit to sell and has no other option. I like it. Convo him:

2011.07.13 01:00:10 ] zlyca > I would like to sell!!!
[ 2011.07.13 01:00:22 ] herleena muran > what?
[ 2011.07.13 01:00:49 ] herleena muran > sell what*
[ 2011.07.13 01:00:54 ] zlyca > Now I will show!

He opens trade with me and dumps a metric shit-ton of items in. 300 1600mm armor plates, 150 arbalest cruise missile launchers, 200 fucking afterburner Is, ect, ect. We go back and forth trying to get the other person to make the first offer, which is really hard with whatever translator he’s using.

[ 2011.07.13 01:05:45 ] zlyca > How many you are ready to give?
[ 2011.07.13 01:07:16 ] haav0c > how many you are ready to give?
[ 2011.07.13 01:08:31 ] haav0c > 800mm reinf how much?
[ 2011.07.13 01:08:53 ] zlyca > Let’s do so I to you now will put all you look how many will give to me of money for it!
[ 2011.07.13 01:10:34 ] haav0c > …

I’m thinking about leaving convo, when I look at the trade window and he’s accepted by accident. Heart pounding faster than the time I almost lost my orca to a russian gang, I click the “accept” button. BAM, shitton of items in my hangar and he doesn’t seem to notice because he opens ANOTHER trade window and fills it with even more items. Completely random stuff, like 30 scorch Ls and 20 cap recharger IIs, halo alpha, ect ect.

[ 2011.07.13 01:24:36 ] haav0c > how much do you want for everything?
[ 2011.07.13 01:26:50 ] haav0c > I want buy all.
[ 2011.07.13 01:27:56 ] haav0c > [01:27:36] > хотите купить все. Насколько?
[ 2011.07.13 01:28:17 ] zlyca > How many you are ready to give?
[ 2011.07.13 01:28:51 ] zlyca > Name your price I will think
[ 2011.07.13 01:29:03 ] haav0c > okay…..
[ 2011.07.13 01:29:08 ] zlyca > )
[ 2011.07.13 01:30:04 ] haav0c > 100
[ 2011.07.13 01:30:04 ] zlyca > I will wait you wouldn’t hasten the main thing that both to you it was good also to me!)
[ 2011.07.13 01:32:44 ] zlyca > это мало (
[ 2011.07.13 01:32:58 ] zlyca > It isn’t enough (
[ 2011.07.13 01:33:12 ] haav0c > i know. what you want?
[ 2011.07.13 01:34:21 ] haav0c > 150?
[ 2011.07.13 01:34:22 ] zlyca > That ?
[ 2011.07.13 01:34:59 ] zlyca > 200 and a bargain!!!
[ 2011.07.13 01:35:24 ] zlyca > ?
[ 2011.07.13 01:35:27 ] haav0c > hmmm
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:00 ] haav0c > okay
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:05 ] zlyca > ) ок
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:15 ] haav0c > moment
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:24 ] zlyca > ок
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:58 ] haav0c > ok?
[ 2011.07.13 01:37:03 ] zlyca > ок
[ 2011.07.13 01:37:42 ] haav0c > )
[ 2011.07.13 01:38:08 ] zlyca > Thanks were pleasant to deal with you!
[ 2011.07.13 01:38:22 ] haav0c > same
[ 2011.07.13 01:41:38 ] zlyca > While good luck!!!

It’s worth noting at this point I have no idea how much this stuff is worth, except that the scorch Ls are 30 mil total, the halo alpha is about 50 and the halo beta is 60, along with the fifty or so t2 items that should be about a mil each.

I put in 200, he accepts trade and leaves. Says this in local:

[ 2011.07.13 01:26:00 ] zlyca > I to you will tell all at all people there were people which were able to work with the friend the friend! And the others were simply ridiculous because they not that weren’t able except he he he such people name business!!! Also it is the fact!
[ 2011.07.13 01:26:33 ] Klann Schreck > jsut contract me your gear. and I will pod you back to home
[ 2011.07.13 01:41:07 ] zlyca > Well when there are clever people!!! But it is bad them remains so a little

If anyone reading this is in I0 or any of our allies and we have a “no buying shit from russians trapped in station” then I’m really, really sorry.

I take half the stuff and reprocess it with perfect skills, comes out to mostly trit, pyerite and mex. Contract it to our resident carrier builder, BAMN 500 mil.

I take the other half of stuff, including 200 Quad lif fueled booster rockets, and shove it in my viator, start taking the route back to empire for better prices.
(again to any I0 leadership, I put some of the stuff up on local markets for a very small markup over jita price, don’t be mad)

Pipe is nice and empty up until a regional gate, which has 5-6 neuts in local. I suspect a camp, but the gate I need to go through is too far away from any of the damn celestials for me to ping it on the directional.

So I start up minecraft, which is going well. I made a cave!

I tab back after a while and oh hey, Raath’s in local. We wave in another channel, and he asks me the gate status. We compare options and ships, as he’s in an executioner and I’m in a viator. We bounce various ideas back and fourth, and at some point I warp to him at a safespot. I tab back to minecraft and make the cave a little bigger. Tab back, and he’s talking again about how he warped to gate at 100km, got killed but didn’t get stuck in a bubble so I should be fine.

Sweetness, I warp to gate at 100km cloaked so I can get some safes up while cloaked.

Let me say that again.

I warp. To the gate. From the same safespot Raath warped from. At the same range. Knowing he had been killed.

I land on the gate and instantly get decloaked by Raath’s frozen corpse. Two dramiels 60km away from me. My viator makes the sharpest 180 degree turn I’ve ever done and I somehow manage to get away.

Unfortunately, I am now still in the system with the gate I need to go through still camped, probably going to be bubbled on the vector I just warped in on. Thinking quickly, I eject from the viator and warp to the gate in my pod at 100km, BM my landing point, bug out again, get back into the viator.

I warp to the new BM at 100km, and don’t get stuck in a bubble, manage to keep cloak. I slowboat about to the top of the gate and trade my safe warpin to a blue in exchange for intel on the other side of the gate, clear.

Warp to, Jump through, no longer feelin blue, rest of the way to jita goes well and I put up sell orders. ANOTHER 500 mil.

At this point I go to bed.

Oh wait, I’m not a reasonable person, so what if it’s four in the morning, I can stay up all night!

So I buy a Tengu, get it all the way to Omnst, fall asleep while belt ratting and lose the fucking tengu. I wish I was fucking joking. Still, 200 mil profit, worth it.

So, since I seem to consistently have horrible, horrible subcap losses, I’m going to get me some capitals! what could go wrong?

On Monocles and Exotic dancers

First off, let’s all thank CCP for the shiny new gun models and walking in stations. My C6 tengu multiboxing operation thanks you as they fly backwards into the void.

On topic now, there’s been a good amount of complaints from the eve community about monocles, buyable now from your local eve client using Aurum(tm), the new currency that seems a bit unnecessary. Using the current conversion rates, that works out to bil 1.4 or 60 US dollars. The main complaint is that “it’s too expensive”.

Having slept through a high school microeconomics class, sleepwalked through a college microeconomics class and gotten my ass kicked by a significantly harder college macroeconomics class, I feel qualified to say no, it isn’t.

For my main point, it’s a fucking monocle. Team fortress 2 has a monocle for their Engineer class, and though it looks awesome, especially with some other items, it has no effect on gameplay.

On a related note while the “Googly gazer” is currently prices at 12.99$, the “Teddy Roosebelt” is selling for 17.49$ atm, likewise with no effect on gameplay except fo- awww, look at the teddy bear……

Isn’t he fluffy?

Anyway, people are buying those teddy bears by the thousands. They have no impact on gameplay except for anyone that is killed by you will see not only you on the kill record but also Mr. Snuggles.

In this case, valve is satisfied with the amount of people buying the teddybears, I.E. the demand. Since these and all other online items cost nothing to make besides designing it, the supply curve is a nice constant. Thus the price is driven solely by demand, so CCP has to experiment to find the slope of the demand curve that has the most profit.

Edit: The released mail announcing the sale of 51 monocles so far confirms that CCP does, apparently, have an economist working for them. Who knew?

At time of writing CCP has announced plans to actually have items that cost less than a plex, so apart from releasing a highly expensive monocle FIRST instead of, say, after tattoos for 10 mil or something similar that could’ve setup a secondary market.

People are telling me they’re upset because this could lead to weapons and “golden ammo” being bought with cash instead of being mined by bots, built with no margin due to jita prices, bought and sold an average of six times before getting to the average capsuleer. That’s a road that no games wants to go down, and if Eve ever gets to that point, I’ll be out there with everyone else, canceling subs and posting in allcaps on forums.

Until then, enjoy the expensive pants.

P.S. How much would you pay for an exotic dancer with pole in your CQ?

A slight clarification

Blake is on vacation, I’m still here. If you feel like rage quitting due to a fatal monocle allergy or lack of trust in CCP, contract yer shit to haav0c. No matter where it is, I’ll take good care of it.