Lucky Bastard XIII

My apologies, I’ve been farting around in highsec running incursions with a shiny fleet, making me the 1% of incursion runners, according to the forums. An unfortunate side effect of this is very few funny stories, unless you can make the next Odyssey out of “I repped that guy when his shields went low, but then this other dude’s shields went low, so I repped him too; then the FC warped us out without saying anything and I lost my drones again”

The recent unwashed masses pissing in the free ISK fountain finally gave me a sense of scope. I’m doing the same thing over and over again to the extreme as a source of fun. As I said in a very depressing post I typed over the weekend and threw into the trashcan because it was too depressing, once you accomplish your goal you have to find a new one as fast as possible. Since my previous goal in Eve was “make lots of ISK” I was rapidly and easily curbstomping any source of a challenge with these 100-150 mil/hour sites.

Not that I’d stop doing them if the huddled dirty masses wern’t ruining the sites but STILL, point stands. No goal, no point, no fun.

So in an effort to fling myself back into my actual corp who had been wondering where I’d been for last few months, I grabbed a Buzzard, kit it out for scanning with an offline cyno and tore a new one on my way to Branch, which according to the corpmails is where we’re setting up. According to my lossmails, I titled the Buzzard “Lucky Bastard XIII” and flew off into the great void, pointing and laughing at anyone who dared try to lock me.

Until I got to nullsec where I realized I wasn’t sure exactly how to get to Branch. Sure, I knew where it was(kinda in the northy part), what it was (that place goons are fighting in), and the general area(above that circular place without sov) but I wasn’t sure what route to take. So, being a bit of a moron I started warping through gates based on which one moved me closer to a regional gate that pointed in the general direction of Branch.

That’s how I ended up in Venal. I jumped through a gate, there’s a Drake sitting there with me. “AHA!”, I think; “This is a perfect chance to test my microwarpdrive cloak trick, which is wholly unnecessary in all but the most coordinated gatecamps!”.

So I smoothly orient myself away from the gate, double click in space and press my MWD and cloak in that order at the perfect time, having practiced this over and over back when I was using the same trick on an Itty V. (Shut up, it worked and I couldn’t afford a Viator).

Feeling full of myself for demonstrating that months of pressing F1 through F4 whenever one of the ten grey bars on my screen turned red, I jumped through the next gate into a significantly bigger gatecamp. Remaining calm, I oriented myself, double clicked and hit my MWD and Cloak in that order.

“That module failed to activate since you are cloaked”.

For those who didn’t spend several hours cursing at an Iteron Mark V with an overloaded afterburner and a cloaking device, that message means that you were slightly off on your timing, activating the cloak and then the thrust module. On a Buzzard, the ship I was presently flying, this didn’t matter much except to a skilled gatecamp. Unfortunately I was still in the Iteron Mark V mindset from several months of pressing F1 through F4 whenever one of the ten grey bars on my screen turned red.

I instantly panicked and assumed that for some reason my CLOAK had failed to activate due to my cloak being active, so I mashed my F1 key again with all the panic of a velocity-fit Iteron V staring at a lowsec gatecamp.

It was at this point that my modules helpfully updated with the fact that my cloak had indeed been activated but since I had asked so kindly it was now turned off. For those who don’t know, there is a three to four second delay between decloaking and recloaking, probably for balance issues. More than enough time to lock me and therefore kill me.

In hindsight what was I expecting with a name like Lucky Bastard XIII? Here’s hoping for better luck with XIV.

Blakey is Back

Hey, remember me? I started to get into WH space in August of 2009 and then started this blog to share information on how to survive, probe, fight, defend, conduct shenanigans and mine in WH space. After a few months, miningzen joined our coporation and dove headfirst into WH space (loosing some ships), making a lot of profit. Over the last year, miningzen has taken over a lot of the routine posts because I started to focus on other things.

This summer I took on the challenge of doing a Half Ironman distance Triathlon (70.3 miles or 113.14 kilometers for YOU people) and I have to say that I did cross the finish (be it 6.5 hours later). I’m a swimmer a heart, get humbled on the bike, and am an average runner. This weekend I’m taking on the Chicago Triathlon for an end-of-season-fun-time-race and then I will sit quietly for a while. With the training/racing season coming to an end, there will be more time for Eve. No more going to bed at 9:30 PM (until Spring)!

Sadly, I currently have no characters in WH space as I am trying out the nullsec sovereignty war gameplay, but I would like to get back into it this fall. Welcome back Blake, we’ve missed you!

Sometimes you get back on the horse…

and sometimes the horse kills you twice and molests your wreck.

Most people can guess where this post goes from that title. SO!

As the earlier short burst of fiction suggested, I’ve moved into a C4. It’s technically a corp op. I say technically because I’m the only person actually IN the WH and it was technically funded by the corp.

I say technically because I took 300 mil out of the corp wallet and gave the reason “Misc. Expenses”. Thanks, director rights!

So, step one, get a tower. 187 mil (holy damn!)

Step two: various defences. 40 mil (dickstar)

Step three: Buy pos fuel for a week or five. 100 mil (damn you, PI! Or rather, damn everyone not doing PI[me included] and the people who stockpiles getting filthy rich)

Step four: Buy ships. 250 mil. (domi x3, geddon, 3 salvage catalysts, three backup scan ships, one SB, two covops)

Step five: Buy fits. 70 mil. (t2 RR, energy xferr, t2 drones. The two alts I’m moving in with can’t shoot…well…anything, so gonna go w/ RR domi and hope the drones work)

Step six: Buy misc items. (fitting mods, hull reppers, spare probes, more spare probes, probe LAUNCHERS, spare drones, shield reps. If you want to be nitpicky, I got three jumps from jita before remembering the probes and all the way to the WH before I remembered hull reps)

Step seven: Fit it all into the orca. (erm…)

Step seven and a half: Buy 27 giant secure containers

Step seven and three quarters: Ditch half the strontium.

Step eight: undock

Step nine: redock and buy something you forgot

Step ten: undock and get three jumps before remembering something else.

Step eleven: make it to the WH in the orca and jump through to the chosen WH (keeping in mind all WHs in the link are occupied and you’re essentially a meals on wheels to them.)

Step twelve: Anchor the tower.

Step thirteen: Realize you’ve forgotten nitrogen isotopes.

Step fourteen: DAMNIT!

Step fifteen: Realize you’ve forgotten an industrial or two.

Step sixteen: Kill two birds with one stone, go BACK to jita, buy ship, buy isotopes, go back in.

Step seventeen: Realize that it’s four in the morning.

Step Eighteen: anchor the corp hangar

Step nineteen: micronap.

Step twenty: wake up and being to hallucinate. Online corp hangar, anchor and online maint bay, store ships and items.

Step twenty one: The pos defenses agree to anchor themselves while I get the domis and other big ships in. They don’t, but when I get back the PoS promises to make sure they do by the time I wake up.

Step twenty two: bed.

So, defenses up, I fit the domis for RR and cap xferr and tank. The geddon gets four pulse lasers and three tachyons, because I’ve forgotten sleeper BS’s range and not because I’ve forgotten to buy fit rigs and more than four tachyons.

For those who haven’t gathered, I’m running three accounts. The relationship is like the food pyramid. Haav0c is the delicious dessert section and hardar and herleena are the grains, who have cap xferr between then and distributing RR and drones. In null, I was able to fit haav in a geddon for full on gank, which was stable with a med xferr coming from one of the domis. This was incredibly powerful as the domis were also fitted for sniping at 100km w/ sentrys, which made all the anomalies look like this when I was done:

Anyrate, using this setup put out hella lot of damage with ten sentry drones and tachyons hitting the silly BS null rats who slowboated straight towards me in a perfect reenactment of the charge of the light brigade, which resolved itself with superb historical accuracy when everything but me exploded.

So, warp into a site. The sleepers are 140km away. They start shooting, I start repping, everything’s froody. We start slowboating towards each other. Since I’m in one of those silly velocity increasing WHs with hits to targeting, I have to get within 70km to target. All the whole with two sleeper BSs hitting me.

The RR logistics works well, and I finally start hitting the BS who looked at me funny. It explodes eventually.

Unfortunately, the three sleeper BSs that spawned just after that sleeper exploding painfully reminded me of how painful sleepers are. Clearly, my perma-running two large RR wasn’t going to be enough. I managed to get all three accounts out, tho.

I pull the hole closing domi I brought with me out and refit it into a mirror of the other two domis, three energy Xferrs, three RR, full tank in lows and cap rechargers in the mids. I warp to a planet and practice swapping all four reppers to one target.

So, full of confidence that nothing can possibly go wrong, I warp in. Haav0c DCs.

I manage to warp the other two out, tho; so I try and do a dual-logoff thingy to get me 100000km away, despite not knowing how to do it.

I log on haav, enter client and immediately clock the little “close” button in the upper right. I wait ten minutes, log back on, and I’m in a pod sitting in my domi wreck.

So, lacking another dominix or an exit, I bastardize my poor geddon into a RR droneboat. If the fit you’re thinking of makes you wince, you’re not far off.

Warp in, Start setting up the energy xferr chain. Haav starts taking armor damage. I set three RRs on him and go back to trying to set up the energy xferrs.

Hardar runs out of cap.

Haav runs out of reps.

Haav explodes.

Hardar and Herleena flee.


Welcome to WH space. Again.

Again, if you hadn’t noticed

My corporation, in my CEO’s unquantifiable wisdom, has joined Severance as of two days ago.

In unrelated news, as of a day ago Severance have been wardeced by…

I’ve forgotten their name. But they’re the guys that hide out in jita and shoot people silly enough to not have neutral freighter alts.

Oh, those silly people. Anywho, the change and/or addition of standings added a few more reds to my red list, which I expressed in the usual way:

haav0c > because the number of stabs will drastically increaes target time.
haav0c > hmm
haav0c > o noes
haav0c > ender!
haav0c > i’m red to you now!
haav0c > we have to hate eachother now!
EnderCapitalG > oh snap
EnderCapitalG > WELL UM, I HATE YOU
haav0c > I HATE YOU ALSO
EnderCapitalG > also, you’re neut to me?
haav0c > erm
haav0c > so… i hate you… but..
EnderCapitalG > lol
haav0c > you have no opinion on me but will still probably shoot me on sight.
EnderCapitalG > Oh yes.
EnderCapitalG > We have like… no blues 🙂
haav0c > mmhm
haav0c > right
haav0c > i think someone dropped the ball somewhere.
EnderCapitalG > words of our CEO’s: NAPs are for fags
haav0c > right, right.
haav0c > nice policy.
haav0c > btw i’m technically part of NC right now
EnderCapitalG > we used to be blue to 3-4 pepole in Curse, but WTB got mad and reset us, and got everyone else to reset us
EnderCapitalG > so we’ve been killing WTB left and right \o/
haav0c > gyah, like four reds in channel!
haav0c > lessie…
haav0c > cyberin
haav0c > no suprise there.
EnderCapitalG > lol
haav0c > and morden
haav0c > morwen
haav0c > who has a bitchin alliance logo
EnderCapitalG > lol
haav0c > eeh
haav0c > ender!
haav0c > i’m sorry.
haav0c > i can’t hate you
EnderCapitalG > hahah
haav0c > i feel like there should be a second line there.
haav0c > but i can’t think of the right statment
haav0c > they all sound either stupid or homoerotic
EnderCapitalG > We live on opposite sides of new eden, not like anyone would know anyway
haav0c > usually both.
EnderCapitalG > lol
EnderCapitalG > (no homo)
haav0c > exactly.
haav0c > gyah! perseus!
Perseus Kallistratos > 0/
haav0c > according to my standings i hate you too!
EnderCapitalG > rofl
haav0c > which is awkward! because i like your blog!
Perseus Kallistratos > story of my life
haav0c > i am so conflicted!
EnderCapitalG > lol
haav0c > i’m going back into WH space.
haav0c > can’t you see this hatred is tearing us apart?
haav0c > gyah! reds in jita!

In a perfectly rational manner. Joining puts me in the same corp alliance as Nerevar Dwemor, writer of the german blog If you, like most of America, don’t speak Deutsch, google chrome’s page translator is nothing short of erotic in its page-translating marvels.

Also click that link, I wanna see how far I can artificially shoot his page views up. Give, people!

Another link you should click if you feel like it is Out of Pod Experience. Seeing as there’s no content besides the obligatory “Hi, I’m me” post and the “I wanna be part of the blog pack” post, there’s not much reason to click. Yet.

Actually, I only linked him because he commented on a bunch of apparently-better-known blogs in order to increase traffic and didn’t drop a comment on mine, so this is to make him feel all guilty and such.

Wait, oops, he did and it just got caught by the spam filter because it was literally just his blog. No “I just sent you 50 mil because I laughed so hard” or “my god, I was moved to tears” or any of the other comments I like to pretend I get.

And since this is turning into a link post without me noticing, here’s some neat physics engine shiznit that totally restored my faith in virtual reality before I’m too old to consider using it.

Continuing, here’s my favorite star wars dance music.

The sandwich I had for lunch.

Star Wars Force Unleashed II trailer. (do want)

and goatse my favorite techno song.

How to be an idiot

One of my favorite things to do in Eve is not to haul through low, not to scan, but to be an idiot for giggles. Here’s a sample chatlog that I’ll take you through in detail.

Casiella Truza > I love finding abandoned drones on gates.

Cas here is our unwilling straight man. Throughout the convo, he will make completely rational points. The goal is to confuse/annoy him to the point that it becomes funny.

haav0c > i love boiled peanuts and creme soda
haav0c > to each his own

I’ve started with a simple straight counterpoint to his “I love” statement.

Casiella Truza > ew.
haav0c > *rude gesture*
Casiella Truza > don’t blame me for your terrible taste
haav0c > no, i’ll blame you for your horrible taste
haav0c > boiled peanuts are the shiznit.

Boiled peanuts are nice, but I don’t defend them this fervently often. This is the first part of acting like an idiot, support a given topic fervently.

Casiella Truza > I dislike nuts and they sound high in sodium
haav0c > sodium is also the shiznit

Repitition of the word “shiznit” implies that I love high sodium intake as much as I love delicious boiled peanuts. This is the first inane statement, from which you develop from.

Casiella Truza > not when you have hypertension, it’s not :p
haav0c > i take it hypertension is not the shiznit?
Casiella Truza > aka “high blood pressure”
haav0c > that’s the bit where you’ve got the
haav0c > ohhh
Casiella Truza > heart attacks are definitively not the shiznit
haav0c > only if you’re not manly enough to defend yourself!
Casiella Truza > …

Now, here’s your first “dumbass” statement. A good statement is funny and cannot be justified in any way but the inane. Stay away from things actually defendable or you might rope someone in who will legitimately defend the claim, and that just gets awkward.

haav0c > i shall eat enough sodium to have a heart attack just so I can defeat it!
haav0c > just to show how manly I am.

“Manly” and it’s unquantifiable nature is the core of this specific stupid argument.

00sage00 > good luck
Casiella Truza > yeah, good luck with that.
Casiella Truza > can I have your stuff when you die?

00sage has entered the convo. Depending on what mood the third player is in, he’ll either play a second straight man or we can bounce ridiculous phrases off each other.

00sage00 > how about you stick your head under a semi’s wheel? you can really be manly about that

Alright, he’s not a second straight man.

haav0c > how exactly can you challenge a clogged artery to a duel?
00sage00 > 😀
haav0c > is there a wiki for that?
00sage00 > the wiki for RealLive(TM) is
haav0c > doesn’t seem manly enough
haav0c > /emote trademarks “manlypedia,org”
Casiella Truza > do you define “manly” as “stupid”? >.>

O noes! Cas has figured it out! If you ignore the accusation, he will keep going back to it. Use inane logic to explain the situation and move on.

haav0c > it’s an odd coincidence that manly things can also be interpreted as stupid in almost all scenarios.
haav0c > It’s vital to my manliness that I look at it as manly and not stupid.
Casiella Truza > . . .
haav0c > or i’ll look stupid.
haav0c > for example!
haav0c > cutting off your own head with a chainsaw
haav0c > manly, yes?
Casiella Truza > no.
Casiella Truza > just stupid.
haav0c > it is.
haav0c > no, see, that’s the trick
haav0c > you musn;t think of it as stupid or you’ll be thinking the ENTIRE time “oh how silly i look”
haav0c > instead of “man, i’m so manly, I hope someone’s filming this”

Rationality: AVOIDED!

Casiella Truza > no, no, that’s just stupid. “being a good father”, now THAT’S manly.

The straight man plays his job too well. He’s gone into territory that may make you seem like an asshole if you say the wrong thing. Use inane logic to point out how his point is slightly good but you have several better ones.

haav0c > does being a good father involve…lifting heavy objects?
Casiella Truza > it certainly can
haav0c > copious amounts of women?
Casiella Truza > have you ever lugged a baby carrier around the mall?
haav0c > or a combination of the two?
haav0c > were you bench pressing the carrier in question?
00sage00 > too much of a woman
Casiella Truza > need not be copious, but at least one, by definition….
Casiella Truza > bicep curls.
haav0c > mmhm.
haav0c > not, say, juggling it?
haav0c > this doesn’t appear as the manlyest use of your time.
Casiella Truza > given that yesterday was Father’s Day, I’m just declaring being a good dad “manly” by fiat.
haav0c > try grimacing more.
haav0c > very manly.
haav0c > do you have a manly beard?
Casiella Truza > my 3yo colored on the walls yesterday, I was grimacing like John McClane
haav0c > you need at least two manly beards.
Casiella Truza > I had one until this weekend.
haav0c > more is preferable.
00sage00 > grimaces and beards do not make you manly
00sage00 > penises do

Thank you 00sage for changing the topic.

Casiella Truza > Bears have a weird mystical power.
haav0c > penises with beards?

Hint your support to the new topic!

00sage00 > python is manly
Casiella Truza > Beards too >.>
Casiella Truza > BEARDS ARE MANLY.
haav0c > INDEED
00sage00 > can you be manly without a penis?
00sage00 > nope
haav0c > it is very difficult
haav0c > what if you cut the penis off with a chainsaw?
Casiella Truza > Hmm. Point taken.
haav0c > we can all agree that would be very manly.
00sage00 > that would be unmanly
Casiella Truza > No, we cannot.
haav0c > hey, by your own words
haav0c > manly-stupid
haav0c > penisectomys=stupid
haav0c > penisectomys=manly.
00sage00 > penises = manly

Inane math can be used often, by the same logic as “if all A are B all B are A”

Casiella Truza > No, I said YOU define manly as stupid.
00sage00 > no penises = not manly
Casiella Truza > I do not.
haav0c > hmm
haav0c > maybe we need to define the baseline of manly.

Subject change!

haav0c > for example, lifting a car with a finger is manly.
haav0c > what is the most borderline manly thing?
Casiella Truza > /emote is manly.
haav0c > lifting half a car?
00sage00 > me
haav0c > hmm.
Casiella Truza > I thought 00 was a kid?
Casiella Truza > >.>

Danger! He’s trying to draw me and sage into the “you guys are young and unmanly” setup! Try to change the subject, and when that fails, quantify age as being no issue.

haav0c > he has numbers in his name, how could he possibly be a kid?
00sage00 > i’m a man too 😦
Casiella Truza > because of the numbers.
haav0c > you’re not making much sense
Casiella Truza > having random 0s in your name tends to make me think you’re younger.

Fair play, straight man. Fair play.

haav0c > hmm.
Casiella Truza > And if 00 is a kid and a man, then he’s borderline, agreed.
haav0c > would a baby lifting a car be more manly than a man lifting a car?
haav0c > in that case, would being younger in fact be more manly?
Casiella Truza > just more freaky
haav0c > hmm.

I’m using math again, just without = signs.

haav0c > we can all agree that hypothetical all-powerful kung-fu geniuses are usually very old.
haav0c > but also badass
haav0c > and by that, manly.
haav0c > so, if we’ve established that a baby, old man, and lumberjack are all manly
Casiella Truza > um. Bruce Lee wasn’t very old.
Casiella Truza > In fact, he died young.

Fair point. Let’s get a counterpoint going.

haav0c > then manlyness has no age definition
00sage00 > you’re making this too complicated
00sage00 > penis size determines manliness
00sage00 > tada. end of discussion
haav0c > could bruce lee beat bruce lee if the second bruce lee trained for another year?
Casiella Truza > I think haav is younger than 00
Casiella Truza > osht then.
haav0c > thuse we conclude that bruce lee, if he were older, would be better at kung-fu
haav0c > THUS the most badass kung-fu dudes are old men.
haav0c > Q.E.D. manly has no age.

I’m not entirely sure what Q.E.D. means, but I’m fairly sure it means “I’m right you’re wrong”. Anywho, his counterpoint has been countered. Time for a subject change!

haav0c > thus, regardless of my age, when I defeat my own heart attack i shall be tha manlyest man ever
haav0c > by reason that it has never been done.
haav0c > if you need me, i’ll be buying sodium patches.
00sage00 > my grandpa survived two heart attacks

Great, now sage is playing the straight man, AND he’s made a possibly awkward point. Tread carefully.

haav0c > but did he DEFEAT them?
Casiella Truza > HE was manly.

Now the initial straight man clings to sage’s point. It is vital you defeat this!

haav0c > was he all like “man, that heart attack was coming at me with a knife, but I got the knife and killed im. twice”
Casiella Truza > surviving mortal enemies is defeating them.
haav0c > or was he “man, that heart attack got me with the knife but I’m OK now”
haav0c > can’t be, the heart attack came back a second time
haav0c > what if the heart attack tries to poison him?
Casiella Truza > new heart attack
Casiella Truza > sent to avenge the first.
Casiella Truza > it failed.
haav0c > mmhm
00sage00 > and obviously the heart attacks are now too scared
haav0c > supporting my previous hypothesis of manlyness having no age.

Since you failed to defeat the point, agree, but use inane logic, again, to make the point seem to support you. Subject change!

haav0c > hmm
haav0c > how many heart attacks would i have to defeat to be the manlyest man?
00sage00 > all of them
haav0c > like, what’s the highest number of heart attacks one person survived?
haav0c > of course, DEFEATING one heart attack is probably better than three, maybe four, survivals.
haav0c > again, how do i challenge a clogged artery to a duel?
haav0c > you guys arn’t being very helpful.
haav0c > I’ve tried yelling already.

Asking stupid questions is a good way to roll a straight man in so you can make an idiotic counterpoint.

00sage00 > you jump a freighter with officer mods into lowsec and watch me shoot it
00sage00 > boom, instant heart attack
haav0c > officer modding a freighter would be manly indeed.
haav0c > ah
haav0c > so, when I’m having the heart attack, THEN i yell at it
00sage00 > no, fill the freighter with mods
haav0c > genius!
haav0c > hmm…
haav0c > walgreens has no sodium patches.
haav0c > can i make them at home?
00sage00 > real men don’t use sodium patches
haav0c > of course!
haav0c > /emote looks for an IV drip
haav0c > thank you sage!
haav0c > I put the salt in the saucepan but it isn’t melting
haav0c > what’s the melting point of sodium?

stupid + dangerous = funny.

00sage00 > defibrilator may be better than an iv
Casiella Truza > AFK a bit.
haav0c > like, spread salt on the paddles?
haav0c > also afk
00sage00 > hi spec
haav0c > watching manly shows
Spectre3353 > lawl you took that seriously
Spectre3353 > L A W L
Casiella Truza > OHH EMM GEE
haav0c > quick, specter
haav0c > cutting off your own head is manly, right?

Since the argument has worn down, I’m trying to pull specter in, either as a straight man or a foil.

00sage00 > no it’s penis size!
00sage00 > cutting off the head would be like 15%
00sage00 > so you’d be 15% less manly

thank you sage.

haav0c > no, the thinking one.
haav0c > wait, let me clarify that
haav0c > the one with hair…no.
haav0c > the one with a nose.
haav0c > the head of a penis is only like 15%, true
Casiella Truza > okay, AFK for real now. lost my ship anyway.
Spectre3353 > yes
Spectre3353 > its manly
haav0c > thank you.
haav0c > had a bit of an argument.

At which point the argument has died. So, that’s how to be an idiot. Good grammer is preferable but unnecessary, almost any point can be defended, and even if no-one laughs SOMEONE is enjoying it. Usually, an unknowing straight man gets a smug sense of satisfaction that he’s smarter than someone else, and you can laugh at that if nothing else.

Fly into a brick wall.