Welcome Back to Null

So we left WI when they went the goon way, and went to highsec. I had a modest stockpile of isk left over from various rat-related things, so I bought two covetors and multiboxed in a belt with a friend of mine hauling. After a few hours of this I refine it at station, haul it to jita and split the profits with my friend 50-50 because hey, he’s new.

Ten. Fucking. Mil.


For two hours of goddamn mining. I realize that readers of this blog and/or russian mining bots mine in highsec all day and love every moment of it, but FUCK, that is the second worst use of my Eve time, the worst of which being arguing in public channels.

So me and the rest of the corp said “fuck that shit”, a few…bodies later and we’re in Imperial 0rder. Yes, that’s a zero. No, I don’t want to talk about it. We’re currently down in Omst, and if you’ve never heard of that region, there’s a good reason and here it is:

So, ass end of nowhere and very little to speak of a JB map. Screw it, I grab my orca (Lebius II, Lebius I being lost to russians who fleetwarped me into a gang one sleepy morning) and prepare to jump all the way down there, starting from the staging system keb….keber…kebi… kibbers. Yeah, that sounds right. I manage to get all my assets shoved into the orca, all the alts down to Kibbers hours before we get into the alliance and the wardec that they mentioned but we forgot goes live.

I’m sitting around arguing in public channels when suddenly, alliance chat. We say hi, then our CEO says in corp “get yer asses to hek, we’ve got a wormhole from there straight to Omst.”

So, about eighteen jumps. Through Amarr. And a wardec just went live.

If any wartarget alts watched an orca being scouted by three pods through highsec space, they made no comment.

So, mining, in nullsec, yay, it’s more profitable, still boring tho. Until a red appears in system.


Oh wait, he’s in station. Apparently this space was taken by us from Russians a while back.

[ 2011.07.13 00:02:52 ] Aeon Massai > so this one time at band camp…. a russian dude raped the counselors
[ 2011.07.13 00:02:57 ] Guyas Boltier > hey how come my keyboard doesnt have those kool weirdo keys
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:10 ] Aeon Massai > its cool tho the counselors were all religious nuts
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:17 ] Aeon Massai > get it? raped? nuts?
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:18 ] Praxyis > It’s not cobbled together with crap parts…
[ 2011.07.13 00:03:35 ] Guyas Boltier > haha
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:01 ] Yubitsume > what is he flying?
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:09 ] Guyas Boltier > hes docked
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:17 ] Aeon Massai > a station
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:20 ] Yubitsume > ah
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:23 ] Yubitsume > thats funny
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:23 ] Aeon Massai > he’s playing with his “pod”
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:44 ] Praxyis > He can’t figure out how to undock…
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:45 ] Yubitsume > Knock knock! can Zlyca come out and play?
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:53 ] Aeon Massai > no
[ 2011.07.13 00:04:59 ] Aeon Massai > his bot doesnt understand that command
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:00 ] Yubitsume > awww
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:14 ] Aeon Massai > there are other people in local so he has to stay docked or remin cloakedf
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:52 ] Aeon Massai > you know why we dont have to hear scotty the docking manager’s shit anymore?
[ 2011.07.13 00:05:59 ] Aeon Massai > cuz now it’s ivan the docking amnager’s shit
[ 2011.07.13 00:07:11 ] zlyca > надо каму ??? 13th Tier Overseer’s Personal Effects
[ 2011.07.13 00:07:13 ] zlyca > 15th Tier Overseer’s Personal Effects
[ 2011.07.13 00:07:27 ] Aeon Massai > sure why not comradesky

Russian dude, stuck in station, selling stuff. Guess he’s a market alt.

[ 2011.07.13 00:22:57 ] zlyca > (( мде it is heavy through the translator!!!

And google translator still hasn’t mastered Russian to English.

[ 2011.07.13 00:40:54 ] zlyca > Color I think there is nothing doesn’t tell it an alliance in which I have entered) the enemy I to you am not! At present we live on other party from you
[ 2011.07.13 00:43:27 ] zlyca > Tell you me understanding?

[ 2011.07.13 00:48:39 ] Guyas Boltier > ill help you, join my fleet
[ 2011.07.13 00:50:53 ] Admiral Kiev > Red Alliance = Red/bad guy/KOS
[ 2011.07.13 00:51:14 ] Admiral Kiev > how else can I spell it out for you?

[ 2011.07.13 00:52:14 ] zlyca > To the magician to assure you that I here not with war! I not the guerrilla! Or the spy. I simply don’t want to throw the things!! Wanted to sell and leave! And all and needs you not to touch and be not to disturbed!

ooo, he has shit to sell and has no other option. I like it. Convo him:

2011.07.13 01:00:10 ] zlyca > I would like to sell!!!
[ 2011.07.13 01:00:22 ] herleena muran > what?
[ 2011.07.13 01:00:49 ] herleena muran > sell what*
[ 2011.07.13 01:00:54 ] zlyca > Now I will show!

He opens trade with me and dumps a metric shit-ton of items in. 300 1600mm armor plates, 150 arbalest cruise missile launchers, 200 fucking afterburner Is, ect, ect. We go back and forth trying to get the other person to make the first offer, which is really hard with whatever translator he’s using.

[ 2011.07.13 01:05:45 ] zlyca > How many you are ready to give?
[ 2011.07.13 01:07:16 ] haav0c > how many you are ready to give?
[ 2011.07.13 01:08:31 ] haav0c > 800mm reinf how much?
[ 2011.07.13 01:08:53 ] zlyca > Let’s do so I to you now will put all you look how many will give to me of money for it!
[ 2011.07.13 01:10:34 ] haav0c > …

I’m thinking about leaving convo, when I look at the trade window and he’s accepted by accident. Heart pounding faster than the time I almost lost my orca to a russian gang, I click the “accept” button. BAM, shitton of items in my hangar and he doesn’t seem to notice because he opens ANOTHER trade window and fills it with even more items. Completely random stuff, like 30 scorch Ls and 20 cap recharger IIs, halo alpha, ect ect.

[ 2011.07.13 01:24:36 ] haav0c > how much do you want for everything?
[ 2011.07.13 01:26:50 ] haav0c > I want buy all.
[ 2011.07.13 01:27:56 ] haav0c > [01:27:36] > хотите купить все. Насколько?
[ 2011.07.13 01:28:17 ] zlyca > How many you are ready to give?
[ 2011.07.13 01:28:51 ] zlyca > Name your price I will think
[ 2011.07.13 01:29:03 ] haav0c > okay…..
[ 2011.07.13 01:29:08 ] zlyca > )
[ 2011.07.13 01:30:04 ] haav0c > 100
[ 2011.07.13 01:30:04 ] zlyca > I will wait you wouldn’t hasten the main thing that both to you it was good also to me!)
[ 2011.07.13 01:32:44 ] zlyca > это мало (
[ 2011.07.13 01:32:58 ] zlyca > It isn’t enough (
[ 2011.07.13 01:33:12 ] haav0c > i know. what you want?
[ 2011.07.13 01:34:21 ] haav0c > 150?
[ 2011.07.13 01:34:22 ] zlyca > That ?
[ 2011.07.13 01:34:59 ] zlyca > 200 and a bargain!!!
[ 2011.07.13 01:35:24 ] zlyca > ?
[ 2011.07.13 01:35:27 ] haav0c > hmmm
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:00 ] haav0c > okay
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:05 ] zlyca > ) ок
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:15 ] haav0c > moment
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:24 ] zlyca > ок
[ 2011.07.13 01:36:58 ] haav0c > ok?
[ 2011.07.13 01:37:03 ] zlyca > ок
[ 2011.07.13 01:37:42 ] haav0c > )
[ 2011.07.13 01:38:08 ] zlyca > Thanks were pleasant to deal with you!
[ 2011.07.13 01:38:22 ] haav0c > same
[ 2011.07.13 01:41:38 ] zlyca > While good luck!!!

It’s worth noting at this point I have no idea how much this stuff is worth, except that the scorch Ls are 30 mil total, the halo alpha is about 50 and the halo beta is 60, along with the fifty or so t2 items that should be about a mil each.

I put in 200, he accepts trade and leaves. Says this in local:

[ 2011.07.13 01:26:00 ] zlyca > I to you will tell all at all people there were people which were able to work with the friend the friend! And the others were simply ridiculous because they not that weren’t able except he he he such people name business!!! Also it is the fact!
[ 2011.07.13 01:26:33 ] Klann Schreck > jsut contract me your gear. and I will pod you back to home
[ 2011.07.13 01:41:07 ] zlyca > Well when there are clever people!!! But it is bad them remains so a little

If anyone reading this is in I0 or any of our allies and we have a “no buying shit from russians trapped in station” then I’m really, really sorry.

I take half the stuff and reprocess it with perfect skills, comes out to mostly trit, pyerite and mex. Contract it to our resident carrier builder, BAMN 500 mil.

I take the other half of stuff, including 200 Quad lif fueled booster rockets, and shove it in my viator, start taking the route back to empire for better prices.
(again to any I0 leadership, I put some of the stuff up on local markets for a very small markup over jita price, don’t be mad)

Pipe is nice and empty up until a regional gate, which has 5-6 neuts in local. I suspect a camp, but the gate I need to go through is too far away from any of the damn celestials for me to ping it on the directional.

So I start up minecraft, which is going well. I made a cave!

I tab back after a while and oh hey, Raath’s in local. We wave in another channel, and he asks me the gate status. We compare options and ships, as he’s in an executioner and I’m in a viator. We bounce various ideas back and fourth, and at some point I warp to him at a safespot. I tab back to minecraft and make the cave a little bigger. Tab back, and he’s talking again about how he warped to gate at 100km, got killed but didn’t get stuck in a bubble so I should be fine.

Sweetness, I warp to gate at 100km cloaked so I can get some safes up while cloaked.

Let me say that again.

I warp. To the gate. From the same safespot Raath warped from. At the same range. Knowing he had been killed.

I land on the gate and instantly get decloaked by Raath’s frozen corpse. Two dramiels 60km away from me. My viator makes the sharpest 180 degree turn I’ve ever done and I somehow manage to get away.

Unfortunately, I am now still in the system with the gate I need to go through still camped, probably going to be bubbled on the vector I just warped in on. Thinking quickly, I eject from the viator and warp to the gate in my pod at 100km, BM my landing point, bug out again, get back into the viator.

I warp to the new BM at 100km, and don’t get stuck in a bubble, manage to keep cloak. I slowboat about to the top of the gate and trade my safe warpin to a blue in exchange for intel on the other side of the gate, clear.

Warp to, Jump through, no longer feelin blue, rest of the way to jita goes well and I put up sell orders. ANOTHER 500 mil.

At this point I go to bed.

Oh wait, I’m not a reasonable person, so what if it’s four in the morning, I can stay up all night!

So I buy a Tengu, get it all the way to Omnst, fall asleep while belt ratting and lose the fucking tengu. I wish I was fucking joking. Still, 200 mil profit, worth it.

So, since I seem to consistently have horrible, horrible subcap losses, I’m going to get me some capitals! what could go wrong?

9 Comments on “Welcome Back to Null”

  1. evilsilents says:

    “So I buy a Tengu, get it all the way to Omnst, fall asleep while belt ratting and lose the fucking tengu.”

    I loled. Sorry.

  2. Serpentine Logic says:

    Hi there, fellow alliance mate!

    Omist might be in the back end of nowhere, but wormholes help a lot.

  3. xikorita says:

    Agony-Unleashed tip that is on our courses:
    “To warp to a gate where there aren’t any celestial and you don’t have intel, use warp to and cancel it so you use your cap. When you have insufficient cap to warp all the way just let the game do it. You will get closer to the destination gate but not on grid. Keep doing it until you can scan the gate”.

    I gave up ratting when I lost 2 ishtars the same way you lost your tengu.

  4. mikeazariah says:

    That has GOT to be one of the best rollercoaster descriptions of an Eve evening I have ever seen. Well done


  5. Taoi Khan says:

    Oh wow, just wow.

    Maybe you should try World of Warcraft….??


    Thank you for the laughs, I was hopping you made it.

  6. allianc says:

    Welcome to the Ass end of Nowhere!

    Good job with that Russian, look forward to flying with you.

    NTA- Allianc

  7. Tiberyya Za says:

    Welcome to Imperial 0rder 🙂

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