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Screw you, Murphy

I should be doing physics II questions right now.

Anywho, back in WH space, I’ve had a bit of a snag. By which I mean several snags.

By which I mean if I didn’t know better I’d swear I was intentionally screwing up just to have something to post about.

Which I’m not. Pinky promise.

Anywho, to shoot the most NPCs in nullsec, I have two alts trained up to domis and not much else. They can use t2 RR, t2 energy xferr, some drones and that’s it. I’m not entirely sure if I bothered to pick up gun skills at any point. Oh, and they fly itty Vs and (in another week or three) will have perfect learning skills in preparation for “operation triple character carrier”.

If anyone can think of something to do with multiboxing three carriers please let me know as I honestly haven’t thought it out past “OMG 45 DRONES”.

Anyway, this is becoming a bit of an issue in a wormhole as anything bigger than a cruiser requires more reps than Eve’s public image after a typical dev post in the forums is met by a truckload of people who appreciate that they’re working on lag, they’d just rather they work on it a bit harder.

Coupled with the fact that the warp-in points SOMEHOW always spit you out 70km or more away from the actual sleepers who seem to be exploiting that AHARM C6 with reckless abandon.

So, you’ve got the equivalent of walking towards someone half a mile away at a brisk pace while he shoots at you with a handgun with perfect range the entire time and you can only hit about ten feet in front of you because you’re holding five or six riot shields and throwing duct tape at your friend to patch the holes the guy is shooting.

This is irritating as I somehow perfectly calculated my tank to be EXACTLY however much DPS sleepers tend to do, so I’m constantly sweating and cursing as my armor has made such a frequent habit of dropping into hull I’m not sure how much of the original armor remains as compared to whatever the hell RRs actually do to the ship they’re repairing.

So, to fix this whole brisk walk towards man with a sniper rifle issue, I’m using a zephyr to get myself warp-in points about 500m away from the BS, whaling the crap out of them, then warping away, zephyr, repeat, hooray.

In my latest use of this strategy, I was in a mostly cruiser wave. Not wanting to warp in and out and such, I dropped a cap recharger and fitted an AB to each battleship. Warp in, turn on the ABs and start approaching the sole remaining BS. It goes down, and these three annoying warp scramming frigs show up.

Fully prepared for the situation, I launched my hobgoblin IIs and made a humorous comment in WH colonists:

haav0c > “Hello, warp scrambling frigs. Meet tiny whirring balls of hobgoblin death”

God, I’m so witty. Unfortunately I was so busy thinking “crap, Murphy’s Law now states that I cannot possibly survive this wave as I have already predicted its successful outcome” to notice that my ships had drifted/ ABed away from each other at top speed and were now upwards of 10km from each other.

For those who don’t know, the range of an RR module is something like 6-8km. I don’t remember, but the important thing is it’s less than 10km by a good 2km or more. Now, I want you to imagine a scenario:

You are taking heavy fire in a battleship and are traveling at top speed (200m/s) in the x direction. If your tank will only hold for another 20 seconds without RR, will you survive if you are currently traveling towards your RR partner?

Will you survive if you are traveling at top speed in EXACTLY THE WRONG DIRECTION?

Will you survive if you are traveling at top speed in exactly the wrong direction and in your haste you forget to turn the afterburner off?

Will you survive if you are traveling at top speed in exactly the wrong direction, you forgot to turn off the AB AND you are currently in a Black Hole C4 wormhole? (+44% inertia)?

For those of you reaching for a book on Eve physics and a pencil, I can save you some time and reveal that the scenario in which everything has gone horribly wrong will result in one destroyed RR BS while three warp scrambling frigs, unamused by the hobgoblin tomfoolery, are still alive. Consequently, the other RR BS follows, followed by the DPS BS.

SO.

After half an hour of an entertaining movie and picking up my loot and the destroyed sleeper’s loot 10 m3 at a time in a zephyr, I check my fuel levels.

20 hours of coolant, enriched uranium and nitrogen isotopes left.

Ok, that’s manageable, I can scan a route in that time, I just need to force collapse some WHs with my Orca and BS.

*Inner Voice* what BS?

…that pile of metal over there.

*Inner Voice* surrounded by the angry sleepers?

Yup.

*Inner Voice* good luck with that.

I hate you.

So, after two hours of collapsing our static C4 which seems to only be heavily occupied and/or leading to C5s, C6s or more effing C5s, It’s the last pass of the Orca through a X-something-something-something WH to close it so I can scan another useless WH and then preferably find another, better one.

Again, up goes the witty comment, this time in the local chat I will soon be separated from and never see again, ever.

haav0c > DIE WH DIE!

Once again, just as I said that, I thought of Murphy’s Law. Then, once again, I jumped through with the AB on just to make sure that my eight passes (with a 250 mil mass ship) would collapse this hole (2 bil mass).

As you can probably guess, it didn’t effing close.

With corp mates complaining about the fuel alerts and 18 hours of fuel left, I make an executive decision. Since all I have left is some itty Vs, GSCs and destroyers/scan frigs, I stuff everything in the Orca, offline the tower and logoff.

It is an incredibly short term solution but is also viable for long term, assuming no-one bashes it. As to you people bashing it, why in all the hells would you bash a tower with nothing possible to be gained from it?

Anywho, I’ll keep looking for a BS capable route while studying for the Physics test Tuesday. Electric potential energy and all related constants and variables are jerks.

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meme: statistics (hehehe)

So, apparently there’s a bit of a meme going around where everyone waves their battleclinics around about how good they are and efficient and all that good stuff. I’d like to issue a challenge to do WORSE than me. No isk reward, you just get to show everyone how horrible you are:

Keep in mind that the two kills I’ve made are a myrm and shuttle, both of who were corpmates at the time that I accidentally either attacked with drones while assigning RR or was shooting at for giggles.

So, standing at a proud 0% efficiency (I like to keep it above -1%), here’s some of the noticeable kills. In chronological order.
2008.07.13 02:31:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Center for Advanced Studies
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Exequror
System: Indregulle
Security: 0.2
Damage Taken: 10311

Involved parties:

Name: Serpentis Patroller / Serpentis Corporation (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 10311

Dropped items:

Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 3
Vivid Hemorphite, Qty: 97 (Cargo)
EP-S Gaussian I Excavation Pulse, Qty: 3
Civilian Shield Booster I, Qty: 2
Medium Standard Container (Cargo)
Vivid Hemorphite, Qty: 130 (In Container)
Small Standard Container (Cargo)
Vivid Hemorphite, Qty: 40 (In Container)

My first loss eva, over two years ago. Did you know that rats sometimes fit warp scramblers? I didn’t.

haav -> guys, I’m scrambled in lowsec
corp -> we’d help, but you’ll be dead by the time we get there
haav -> no, it’s not a pirate.
haav -> it’s a rat.
haav -> he’s scrambled me
corp -> lolwut?

2008.07.17 00:57:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Center for Advanced Studies
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Exequror
System: Mesybier
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 3603

Involved parties:

Name: Serpentis Patroller / Serpentis Corporation (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 3603

Fell asleep.

2008.07.18 15:48:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Center for Advanced Studies
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Iteron Mark II
System: Pelille
Security: 0.2
Damage Taken: 1602

Involved parties:

Name: Osmodious (laid the final blow)
Security: 0.5
Corp: System-Lords
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Typhoon
Weapon: Paradise Cruise Missile
Damage Done: 1602

found the cheapest iteron mark 2 in the region, bought it, undocked, and got reminded where I was by a few cruise missiles >.>

2009.09.06 23:09:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Eych Four Eks Zero Ahr
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Hulk
System: WYF8-8
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 6810

Involved parties:

Name: Bane Torpedo / Archangels (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 6810

Ahyup. Went to nullsec, turned the tank on, tanked a spawn, went to check on the grill, more rats warp in, I come back and see a pod >.>

2009.09.10 06:33:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Eych Four Eks Zero Ahr
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Hulk
System: Scheenins
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 6565

Involved parties:

Name: Serpentis Guard / Serpentis Corporation (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 6565

Fell asleep while mining <.<

2009.09.24 02:20:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Eych Four Eks Zero Ahr
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Hulk
System: J114443
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 5115

Involved parties:

Name: Dezzidor (laid the final blow)
Security: 5.0
Corp: Hunters Clan
Alliance: Noob Fleet
Faction: NONE
Ship: Wolf
Weapon: Domination 200mm Autocannon
Damage Done: 5115

Damn wolf BMed the grav and worked his way past my tank alarmingly quickly <..>

2009.11.26 05:27:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Buzzard
System: J161301
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 1395

Involved parties:

Name: Astraeaa (laid the final blow)
Security: -0.9
Corp: Optimus Crime.
Alliance: Triumvirate.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Helios
Weapon: Hobgoblin II
Damage Done: 1395

Name: Major Shake
Security: -0.6
Corp: The Scope
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Helios
Weapon: Tracking Disruptor II
Damage Done: 0

Nerf helios..es? heliosi? helios? One of those.

2010.01.21 04:39:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Infinity Miners Union
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Occator
System: Crielere
Security: 0.4
Damage Taken: 8999

Involved parties:

Name: Monarch (laid the final blow)
Security: -9.1
Corp: the united
Alliance: Negative Ten.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Maelstrom
Weapon: 800mm Repeating Artillery II
Damage Done: 4904

Name: wicker man
Security: -10.0
Corp: the united
Alliance: Negative Ten.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Absolution
Weapon: Absolution
Damage Done: 3063

Name: Crashm8
Security: -10.0
Corp: the united
Alliance: Negative Ten.
Faction: NONE
Ship: Onyx
Weapon: Caldari Navy Havoc Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1032

The last time I tank a hauler instead of cargo or agility.

2010.04.01 22:38:00

Victim: haav0c
Corp: Dark Shadow Industries
Alliance: Rogue Elements.
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Buzzard
System: Jita
Security: 0.9
Damage Taken: 199

Involved parties:

Name: Officer Sugarboots (laid the final blow)
Security: -10.0
Corp: Jita Traffic Control
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Raven
Weapon: Large ‘Notos’ Explosive Charge I
Damage Done: 199

I hate highsec.

2010.05.01 14:52:00

Victim: herleena muran
Corp: Dark Shadow Industries
Alliance: Rogue Elements.
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Orca
System: X5-0EM
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 42933

Involved parties:

Name: Duncan MacGregor
Security: 0.6
Corp: Iridium Inc.
Alliance: Shadow of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Zealot
Weapon: Zealot
Damage Done: 9730

Name: karagahaga
Security: -0.5
Corp: The Shadow Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Cynabal
Weapon: Warrior II
Damage Done: 8048

Name: Yakudze
Security: 4.9
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Hurricane
Weapon: Hurricane
Damage Done: 7971

Name: 70x93n
Security: 2.8
Corp: The xDEATHx Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Sabre
Weapon: Sabre
Damage Done: 7505

Name: Atrosha
Security: 3.8
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Harpy
Weapon: Harpy
Damage Done: 3940

Name: Kanitel
Security: 2.5
Corp: The xDEATHx Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Flycatcher
Weapon: Thorn Rocket
Damage Done: 3041

Name: argon praim
Security: 4.4
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Scimitar
Weapon: Hobgoblin II
Damage Done: 1535

Name: YemodYar (laid the final blow)
Security: -0.7
Corp: Red’s Swashbucklers Corp
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Falcon
Weapon: 250mm Prototype I Gauss Gun
Damage Done: 769

Name: Bromista
Security: -1.0
Corp: The Shadow Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Stiletto
Weapon: Stiletto
Damage Done: 347

Name: Henge DeMonar
Security: 4.4
Corp: The Shadow Squadron
Alliance: Legion of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Basilisk
Weapon: Basilisk
Damage Done: 47

Name: Nemizzida
Security: -1.4
Corp: Iridium Inc.
Alliance: Shadow of xXDEATHXx
Faction: NONE
Ship: Loki
Weapon: Republic Fleet Warp Disruptor
Damage Done: 0

Note to self: stop playing Eve when half asleep.

Total losses:
Capsule 14
Retriever 1
Vexor 8
Iteron mark II 1
Iteron mark III 1
Iteron mark IV 3
Iteron mark V 8
Ibis 1
probe 1
Dominix 4
Slasher 1
Exequeror 4
newbship 2
Covetor 2
Hulk 4
Bantam 1
Vigil 1
shuttles 5
Buzzard 4
Badger 1
Occator 1
Catalyst 2

So, 0 isk in kills, about 1.3 bil in losses. Top that!

And as a bonus argument: Does this make me a carebear?


I wish I could make this shit up

I’m sure everyone knows the tried and true axion of “never trust anyone in Eve”. I’d like to add another axion.

“If you’ve just woken up and have a really bad feeling about something going on, cancel warp, you fucking idiot”

So, get up this morning, look at the stack of linear algebra, login to my Orca pilot to update her skill que, someone types in alliance private chat
“Anyone want these two imperial navy multi-frequency crystals, free?”

I say sure, get a fleet invite, get fleetwarped, which triggers the first alarm bell in my head. Unfortunately, I’m still half asleep, so since my Orca’s aligned to planet VI, and the dude says he’s at planet VI moon something, I let it slide. Orca warps, and I can’t help but notice the moon he says he’s on slide worryingly past as there’s a neutral XXdeathXX spike in local.

So, I land on planet VI, and immediately start realigning to the pos, get scrammed by a loki, bubble goes up, corpmates try to assist but I tell them to hold, they’ll probably lose the two thannys to a hotdrop, set self-destruct and watch as Lebius, my Orca for eight months of W-space, which has survived through all the crazy-ass shit I’ve put it through, including warping past a russian WH pvp fleet, warping past russian dreads and such in a C6, closing a WH w/ a fleet massing on the other side, warping out moments before a bubble fleet warped in on the grav, hauling through a five-C5 link to a lowsec WH w/ a bil of compressed ore, and a huge pile of other things I cant remember right now, explodes. The pod, with +3 implants(o noes!) explodes.

Most people would be angry, but I’ve got this really weird trait. Ever since kindergarten, I’m completely unaffected by losses unless I’m convinced that the other site cheated or went outside predetermined rules, at which point I usually collapse into a complete emotional breakdown and/or start punching things. This was completely within the “rules”. They (probably) had a spy in our channel, they probably fleeted me at that exact moment and had a covops floating outside the bubble to fleetwarp me, counting on that I’d be too lazy to check the actual fleet invite.

So, if you’ll not the sabre on the killmail, I wake up in station, thankfully with all my skillpoints intact. Prasing raath for having me insure my orca, I check my wallet.

170 mil.

Apparently, the Orca wasn’t insured.

I check my mail.
The Orca’s insurance expired just over five fucking hours ago.

SO.

Got about a bil in wallet, got an outstanding loan of a bil to pay back, a plex due in 12 hours and an orca, rigged to replace.

Gotta love Eve.


I hate lowsec

I wouldn’t call myself a carebear. I live in W-Space, have tried null, tend to take the risky shot over the safe one and usually end up killed for it. Repeatedly.

Anyway, here’s today’s misadventure:
I’m scanning, after the fifth C5 wh, which has a probable C5 static, It’s about 2 am. I plan to go to bed immediately if not sooner, so I launch five probes at 4 AU and two at two AU, overlapping the two twos and a four with the remaining four fours (Say that five times fast). I go round the system, scanning at each planet. Whenever I get a red dot or circle at 10% strength or more, I center the two 2 AU probes on top and rescan, which usually gives me the type, ranging from Ladar(damnit), Radar(argh), Magnetometric(curses!) and Unknown(Yay!).

Anyway, I find a WH on the first sweep and warp to it, K162 from XXdeathXX space, making this our seventh encounter with the Russian kind and our third with XXdeath in particular. The silver lining to this particular vodka-fueled cloud of cryillic-spewing death was that the WH was end of lifetime. Good thing about the end of lifetime, but that usually means that they’ve been here and activated the static some point in the last 24 hours, which will make any route I scan through this system unstable closing-time wise.

More scanning, I find the C5 static and decide to stay in system to check the last planet, partially for a sense of completion and partially because the XXdeath WH had had its stability disrupted a tad, meaning that it had been used rather heavily. Lo and behold, highsec WH.

Inwardly cheering, I grab a skillbook or two, log my freighter alt in and scurry home, updating my alt’s train queues (logistical domi FTW). I then, using the passive income profits, buy about…450 mil worth, which gets me two fitted gang domis, two fitted gang myrms and a dps apocalypse.

(You can’t tell, but I was using the word “DPS ironically, since as of this writing I just barely break 300 dps with a gank-fit apoch. I need to git me sum supportin skills!).

Anyway, three A.M. now, I shove all 300.3k m3 into the freighter, set destination to the highsec system, undock, stop ship, warp to the first gate and start cursing like I’ve walked into a door while simultaniously developing Tourette’s syndrome.
This highsec WH is on a highsec island, making it impossible to get to without going through three lowsec systems and all the pirates contained wherein. And I have to get a freighter, one of the biggest, slowest ships in Eve through, or wait the 4-5 days it will take to find a BS-supporting unoccupied route again. Feeling the pangs of sleep, I go to bed with an alarm set for just after downtime, five hours from now and set the freighter to autopilot to the last highsec system.
Dreamless night, wake up, get my main outside the WH at the first lowsec, freighter jumps in, starts warping to the next lowsec gate, main char(in Buzzard) get in web range, webs, warning pops up, I ignore it, and my Buzzard starts taking gate fire as the freighter warps off.
Apparently, I had forgotten that the freighter alt was in the altcorp I had created to protect my C1 and/or hauling shenanigans from wardecs, so, panicking, I mash the “warp” button on whatever I have selected at the time, which turns out to be the next gate.
Next local has a dude in it, I warp the freighter off the gate, unassisted, lands on next gate and jumps through without incident, main char docks and buys a frig w/ webs, and after the 15 minute jerk timer, I dock the freighter in one station, undock in pod, dock in another to get an actual SHIP, undock, jettison the tritanium gratuity gift, main steals it, freighter steals it back and BAM, I can web through the last lowsec. Which I do.

Dock in highsec island, move one Dominix through before realizing that three out of the five wormholes in the chain have gone end of lifetime, and if they collapse either my freighter will be stuck on the wrong side of several lowsec gates from jita or my main, albeit buzzard-less, will be stuck far, far away from where I need his talents. I move one more ship, web the freighter through the lowsecs again and nip back home before the WH closes, which it does, fifteen minutes later.


They don’t make em like they used to.

Sometimes, you go into a situation and you know exactly what you’re doing. Don’t let the fact that I myself have never found myself in that scenario from the offset deter you, you’ll eventually find yourself warping into a fleet fight knowing exactly who to primary, why to do it and which board game to pull out once the lag hits.

More often, tho, you’ll enter a scenario that you honestly have no idea how to operate in. This will usually be made painfully obvious when someone who DOES know EXACTLY what the hell they’re doing comes along and tears you to pieces, possibly throwing a free trip back to empire in the process. Smart people learn from this process. Idiots complain.

I’d like to talk about one certain idiot given his explosive comupperance, and for the first time on this blog, it isn’t me. Also for the first time, I wasn’t involved at all except for offering assistance and cheering from the sidelines.

So, yesterday, it’s a typical day in my life:
Channel Name: WSpace Colonists
Listener: Indiego Montoya
Indiego Montoya > burnin fast, burin last, on the long distant road, through the lost mountians endless so far away from hooooooome
Indiego Montoya > de dedede dede dee de de do do do de de de do dedede de do
Indiego Montoya > dee de de de dede dee dee de do do do de dedede dede dededede doooo

When suddenly my perfect rendition of Dragonforce is interrupted by people wanting to talk.

[ 2010.03.01 15:11:53 ] Damark > haav i have serious business
[ 2010.03.01 15:11:59 ] Damark > stop muddying up the channel
[ 2010.03.01 15:12:02 ] Indiego Montoya > omg wai so srs.
[ 2010.03.01 15:12:15 ] Indiego Montoya > wht is ur srz bzns?
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:40 ] Damark > it actually is srs
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:43 ] Damark > so thats not funny
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:48 ] Damark > srs alliance
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:49 ] Indiego Montoya > well, crap on a stick.
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:56 ] Indiego Montoya > that’s not good.

Yes, apparently a serious-sounding alliance had found Damark, a dude who lives in a C3 w/ static highsec and laughs at most of my jokes. Damark came online to his corp’s small tower in reinforced, his true sansha large and other large untouched, and a caldari large not owned by him online in his system, owned by SRS business, some sort of alliance none of us had ever heard of, because we stopped caring about normal space a few months after each of us got into a WH. As per the non-agression pact we have, me and several other corps started informing corp mates, pressing Damark for info and offering ships, isk to hire Noir and gun modules.

It was at about this point that Damark announced that the dude operating the pos had anchored moon mining arrays.

He anchored moon mining arrays.

Moon mining arrays. In a area of space where, to keep nullsec alliances from gaining intrest and other stupid reasons, moon mining is impossible. This was, we had thought, fairly common knowledge. It gets better.

With that one statement, most of us went from talking to merc corps, panicky trying to get Noir(for all your overwhelming force needs!) on the horn, friends in high paces, friends in null places about any assistance they could offer to informing their friends that the dude had just anchored moon mining arrays and having a good laugh.

The dude then anchored cruise missile batteries.

The laughter continued. For the uninformed, cruise missile batteries provide dps on about cruiser level, are the only gun to stop firing once the pos goes into reinforced and can be speed tanked extremely effectively.

He then anchored hardeners, one of each, the first REASONABLE move to make all morning. Damark started checking the fitting on one of his BSs, an armageddon. After a few minutes, where the BS was clearly visible on the directional scanner, he offlines an EM hardener and onlines a second kinetic hardener. This sounds reasonable, until you know that towers have an inherent 25% resist to kinetic, and amarr ships deal EM/thermal.

At this point, we’ve stopped laughing and assume that there’s trickery afoot. No one could be this stupid. At some point, the follwing conversation takes place:
[ 2010.03.01 14:50:18 ] Corpmate > yea youre in my hole
[ 2010.03.01 14:53:39 ] Cpt Kabaal > it could be a good thing if ya were so hostile about it, i mean we are moving in, thats a fact, now we can work things out instead of the alternative
[ 2010.03.01 14:54:20 ] Bizmarcks > or we can destroy your pos and kick you out
[ 2010.03.01 14:54:57 ] Corpmate > yea thats a good alternative
[ 2010.03.01 14:55:16 ] Cpt Kabaal > Its your Choice lol
[ 2010.03.01 16:47:12 ] Bizmarcks > did you finally realise you cant moon mine in here ?
[ 2010.03.01 16:47:15 ] Bizmarcks > this aint null boy

Prompting more laughter, as the one thing WHers can’t stand, besides russians(most of them, can’t speak for everyone) is idiots. But the one thing above that, that will enrage a WH dweller to the point of scorched earth strategy, is when someone starts acting smug and claiming your home as his own.

The second reason that we apologized to our individual friends and that there wasn’t any threat that needed dealing with is that Damark is one of those peculiar paranoid people(90% of eve) that builds carriers in places that mass limitations on WHs forbid carriers from entering.

Thus, with advice from CCRES(thanks guys, you still scare the hell outta us) and SI radio, a Minmatar carrier and five BSs put all the guns into incapacitated, removing the laughable cruiser-sized dps, prompting this convo:

[ 2010.03.02 06:16:25 ] Cpt Kabaal > i sry my ceo hired the mercs to rape you
[ 2010.03.02 06:16:44 ] Damark > lol those were mercs?
[ 2010.03.02 06:16:48 ] Damark > i hope you didnt pay too much
[ 2010.03.02 06:16:59 ] Cpt Kabaal > didnt pay at all actually
[ 2010.03.02 06:18:07 ] Damark > well thanks for explaining this incredibly too easy to explain coincidence
[ 2010.03.02 06:19:34 ] Cpt Kabaal > its not over rest asured

See previous comments about smug idiots.

More bashing. Damark gets convo’ed by the alliance leader.

[ 2010.03.02 03:58:18 ] thebarry > so i’m carebearing in high sec, right?
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:36 ] Damark > and you start getting messages
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:40 ] Damark > saying a POS is under attack?
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:43 ] thebarry > and one of my alliance mates convos me like ‘um, i have a prob, my pos is being attacked’
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:48 ] thebarry > yes!
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:54 ] Damark > yea funny story
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:02 ] Damark > he moved into my hole
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:10 ] thebarry > and now i’ve discovered that the reason you are so motivated
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:13 ] thebarry > is that
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:14 ] thebarry > yes
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:18 ] thebarry > he is in your wh
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:23 ] Damark > yes he sure is
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:26 ] Damark > not for much longer tho

The CEO offers to remove the dude, and Damark requests 400 mil to let him leave peacefully, fully intending to steal the tower. SRS makes the first smart move all day and respectfully declined. Then make another stupid move.

[ 2010.03.02 04:02:46 ] thebarry > i’m sorry it took so long for me to realise it was your wh
[ 2010.03.02 04:02:48 ] thebarry > btw
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:02 ] thebarry > are you guyz interested in joining a new alliance?
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:08 ] thebarry > we could always use mroe help
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:14 ] thebarry > more too
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:57 ] Damark > not as of yet

What the hell are they smoking and can I have some?

An agreement is made and instantly collapses.

[ 2010.03.02 04:11:47 ] thebarry > ok buddy is going to get back to pos to start offlining and unachoring stuff
[ 2010.03.02 04:11:49 ] thebarry > plz dun shoot
[ 2010.03.02 04:12:01 ] Damark > if i have 400mil in my wallet in the next 27min i wont
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:10 ] thebarry > there will be no isk payments, sorry
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:28 ] thebarry > it’s not my pos, and tbh it would teach a valuable lesson
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:47 ] thebarry > i may be tempted to run a viator’s worth of stront to it, tho
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:57 ] thebarry > …just saying
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:12 ] Damark > lol so your saying it has no stront now?
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:14 ] Damark > ahahah
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:22 ] Damark > you shouldnt give this guy anchoring writes
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:50 ] thebarry > hahaha

For the record, it had one hour of strontium.

[ 2010.03.02 04:35:46 ] thebarry > man wtf are you having so many probs with that wh
[ 2010.03.02 04:35:49 ] thebarry > for?
[ 2010.03.02 04:35:54 ] Damark > it was just yesterday
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:01 ] Damark > otehr than yesterday and today its be awesome
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:02 ] Damark > lol
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:09 ] thebarry > haha
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:20 ] thebarry > well, sounds like you could use some alliance buddies to help
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:42 ] Damark > nah
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:53 ] thebarry > just htink, if you were in a alliance you wouldnt have lost the small pos!

You think I’m kidding? Whatever they’re smoking. I wanna have no intelligence whatsoever for the next few hours.

The alliance lead pulls the dude into the private chat.
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:07 ] thebarry > i think his ceo is still in the wh
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:09 ] thebarry > with ships
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:12 ] thebarry > or something
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:22 ] thebarry > he said he apologized to you
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:35 ] Damark > yea and then treatened me
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:39 ] thebarry > this is way too much dramarama for me
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:42 ] Damark > no shit
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:48 ] thebarry > i need to get back to spreadsheets
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:52 ] thebarry > don’t you understand?
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:00 ] Damark > yea man
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:09 ] Damark > and we need to get back to reacting sleeper shit
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:19 ] Damark > and captain needs to get back to moon goo in wh’s
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:26 ] Cpt Kabaal > sry bro
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:40 ] Cpt Kabaal > was just trying to mind my own buissness
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:48 ] Damark > by shitting on my lawn?
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:55 ] thebarry > hahaha
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:59 ] Damark > you dont anchor a pos in an occupied wh
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:02 ] thebarry > GET OFF HIS LAWN PLZ
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:05 ] Damark > unless you are looking for a fight
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:09 ] Damark > we brought one
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:14 ] Damark > and you cried to your alliance head
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:18 ] Damark > deal with it and gtfo

The CEO apologizes for blowing up the small tower, and offers another incentive to join his alliance.

[ 2010.03.02 06:39:21 ] thebarry > what did you lose?
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:25 ] Damark > every amar cruiser bpo and a majority of mislse bpos
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:43 ] Damark > i dunno tbh
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:47 ] Damark > it was a corpies project
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:50 ] Damark > hes rather angry
[ 2010.03.02 06:41:14 ] thebarry > i can imagine
[ 2010.03.02 06:41:23 ] thebarry > listen, we have research pos available

Is this standard alliance policy? Try to beat the crap out of someone, fail, and try to invite them into your alliance?

More threatening…

[ 2010.03.02 07:09:10 ] thebarry > haha
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:19 ] thebarry > i’m trying to save you damark
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:27 ] thebarry > i liek you
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:27 ] Damark > save me from what?
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:31 ] thebarry > you’re funny
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:39 ] thebarry > from nasty ppl
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:40 ] Damark > Noir is the best merc corp in the game
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:44 ] thebarry > i know
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:54 ] Damark > and i have a shit tonne of isk to throw
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:55 ] thebarry > but they arent the only one, just trust me
[ 2010.03.02 07:10:00 ] thebarry > i like you, trying to help

For the record, the two large poses were anchored less than five AU from where he put up his moon mining caldari large.

Damark and his corpies bash the heck outta the large tower, using

1 x Minmitar carrier (cant recall the name)
2x geddon
2x typhoon
1x raven
1x rohk
1x hurricane

Ten boring hours later, it explodes, Rigby Jess and Daedalic omitted cause they passed out a few hours earlier.
http://twinparadox.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=5957462

tldr, carrier n friends stomp a WH pos into the ground after failed takeover.


Hauling: how not to die

1. You probably won’t die, unless you’re carrying something worth lots of iskies or sentimental value, at which point Murphy’s law kicks in and it explodes half a kilometer off the station.
2. Try to make sure that the isk required to destroy your ship is more than the isk you currently have in your ship. example: Covetor BPO in a shuttle, bad idea. Covetor BPO in a freighter: silly, but good idea.
3. Freighters, although big and awesome, can be killed. It doesn’t happen often, but it will. Don’t autopilot with more than a bil in cargo.
4. Tech 1 haulers explode when a rookie ship coughs at them. Make sure you’re either good at running away quickly or never carry things that even LOOK valuable.
5. Making a courier contract and doing it yourself will not stop people from seeing into your cargo.
6. Nor will putting your stuff in GSCs (Giant Secure Container)
7. A cloaky hauler is not invulnurable, a blockade runner is fairly invincible w/ the right strategies.
8. The best defence against suicide ganks is an Orca (Industrial Command Ship). Would-be gankers can’t see inside it’s corp hangar so they won’t risk the time it takes.
9. If you have to AP to Jita, AP to one or two jumps before Jita. A smartbombing BS costs about 3-4 mil after insurance.
10. A BS can kill your hauler. Most BSs, after insurance, cost under ten mil, fittings included. Be very nervous while hauling more than ten mil in a T1 hauler.
11. A typical highsec gank of a deep space transport takes 4-5 BSs. Be careful when hauling more than 50 mil.
12. A typical highsec gank of a cloaky hauler never effing happens, because you’re cloaked.
13. Autopilot and going AFK are the two most easiest way to spray paint “hot fresh iskies” on the side of your ship.
14. A deep space transport can fit a goodly tank at the expense of cargo.
15. If you fit your deep space transport for tank you’re either trying to get past a gatecamp where you KNOW a Heavy Interdictor is not present or you’re being an idiot.
16. The people with brains will look past the deep space transport’s tank bonuses and note that it has enough powergrid to fit a microwarpdrive.
17. It is a perfectly legitimate use of game mechanics to align to a gate, engage cloak and MWD, then disengage them after one cycle and engage warp to produce an insta-warp effect.
18. Freighters are slow as frozen molasses. Ask a corpmate nicely for his webbs.
19. Freighters are essentially giant cardboard boxes. If you get wardecced, do not take them out of station.
20. Skate around wardecs by keeping your freighter alt in a newbie corp. This may make #19 difficult.
21. To let an out-of-corp person web you, have then jettison ammo and have the freighter take from it.
22. Oh wait.
22. Have the freighter pilot in another ship take from your can, then webb. Pay very close attention if you get concord threats.
23. when hauling through lowsec, use a blockade runner (warp cloaked), occator (Mwd/cloak trick), Orca (MWD trick, very expensive and skill intensive), or a freighter (with several friends)
24. The cloak/MWD trick will not help very much against Warp bubbles in nullsec. Use a cloaky hauler.
25. When caught in a warp bubble, find the closest edge NOT on an align point with anything. Approach, turn on AB/MWD and cloak. Slooooowly make your way to safety.
26. Drones decloak you. IF you get decloaked for any reason you’re probably dead, burn out the bubble and try to align to something.
27. When in a T1 hauler/cloaky hauler, be wary of smartbombing gatecamps. Silly as it seems, have a tank on your cloaking ship.
28. If you find yourself screwed downriver, like protocloaked w/ no velocity next to a ten man gatecamp, sit there and wait for someone else to get caught, THEN try to run.
29. Evade station gatecamps by having a BM about 1,000 km away from the station on a line with how you undock. Instawarp happens every time and foils gatecamps, assuming no bubbles.
30. Jita IV moon four station has a moon and planet that fits this criteria.
31. In a fight between haulers and combat ships, there can only be two endings: the hauler dies or the hauler lives. Try to avoid the former situation by being verrrry careful.
32. Having a hauler that can warp cloak or protowarp scout for a hauler that can’t is a good strategy when traveling through lowsec.
33. Using two haulers that can cloak is a much better strategy.
34. Despite what your friends say, using a scout in null and lowsec is not “unmanly”.
35. JFs make all your lowsec hauling problems go away, unless you don’t know how to use one, in which case you shouldn’t get one.
36. If you’re too “noobish” to understand any of the above, then what the hell are you doing w/ over 100 mil and/or ask a corpmate.

[March 9 Addition]

5.4 B Iteron V (Gallente T1 Industrial) killmail

1.2 B Mammoth (Minmatar T1 Industrial) killmail

0.59 B Madger Mark II outside Jita 4-4 killmail


relatively small jita gank.

Hauling 360 mil worth of fullerides 25j: annoying and slow.
Hauling 360 mil of fullerides in an itty V: stupid as hell.
Cloak/AB warping on gates where you see BSs w/ sensor boosters: Sensible.
Getting ganked on the jita gate after 25 jumps of cloak/AB: ironic.
Maintaining a positive outlook just to screw with ganker’s head: Priceless.

[03:04:31] Black Necromunger > IM V QUICK, I CANT TELL YOU. unLES YOU PAY ME OFC
[03:04:37] Indiego Montoya > …
[03:04:44] Indiego Montoya > OFC?
[03:04:50] Black Necromunger > OF COURSE
[03:05:15] Indiego Montoya > ah.
[03:05:29] Indiego Montoya > no thanks.
[03:05:41] Indiego Montoya > but put bluntly
[03:05:41] Black Necromunger > HOW MUCH WAS IN THERE
[03:05:45] Indiego Montoya > 360 mil.
[03:06:10] Black Necromunger > I GOT ABOUT 200 THEN.. 😦
[03:06:20] Black Necromunger > FANCY BUYING IT BACK
[03:06:43] Indiego Montoya > …not really
[03:06:48] Indiego Montoya > but can i ask you for 10%?
[03:06:58] Indiego Montoya > so i can afford to keep flying haulers w/ 360 mil in them?
[03:06:58] Black Necromunger > HOW DID YOU GET THAT STUFF
[03:07:18] Indiego Montoya > pay me 10%. ofc
[03:07:30] Black Necromunger > NO
[03:07:31] Black Necromunger > LOL
[03:07:34] Indiego Montoya > lol
[03:07:40] Black Necromunger > NOT A HOPE
[03:07:43] Black Necromunger > 🙂
[03:07:45] Indiego Montoya > 5? 😛
[03:07:46] Black Necromunger > IM A BUSINESS MAN
[03:07:52] Black Necromunger > NOTHING NOT A PENNY
[03:07:54] Indiego Montoya > then here’s the business:P
[03:08:07] Indiego Montoya > if you give me 10% i can keep making those large amounts
[03:08:10] Black Necromunger > NO BUSINESS GIVNG ISK AWAY
[03:08:17] Black Necromunger > PLENTY MORE FISH TO KILL
[03:08:21] Indiego Montoya > if you dont, i cant and you wont be able to gank me cause i wont have anything 😛
[03:08:23] Black Necromunger > ONLY MADE 2 BIL TODAY 😦
[03:08:42] Indiego Montoya > oh dead
[03:08:45] Indiego Montoya > oh dear*
[03:08:52] Black Necromunger > I KNW SHITE AINT IT
[03:09:13] Indiego Montoya > not really
[03:09:23] Indiego Montoya > that was about a weeks pay for me.
[03:09:43] Indiego Montoya > so i’m honestly finding it hard to sympathize.
[03:10:11] Indiego Montoya > seven days and 700 mil till a freighter 😛
[03:10:17] Black Necromunger > PAY ME AND ILL TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE A BIL A DAY
[03:11:00] Indiego Montoya > …
[03:11:04] Indiego Montoya > highsec ganking?
[03:11:20] Black Necromunger > NOPE I HAVE SEVERAL MEANS
[03:11:29] Indiego Montoya > highsec ganking…several people?
[03:11:44] Black Necromunger > NO
[03:11:47] Indiego Montoya > damn.
[03:11:52] Indiego Montoya > i was sure that was it.
[03:11:55] Black Necromunger > 10MIL And thats it
[03:12:12] Black Necromunger > and ill give you a guide
[03:12:23] Indiego Montoya > mmhmm.
[03:12:31] Indiego Montoya > ooo, you stopped talking in all caps.
[03:12:59] Black Necromunger > 🙂
[03:13:46] Indiego Montoya > woohoo!
[03:13:47] Black Necromunger > last chance
[03:13:51] Indiego Montoya > you missed three cans!
[03:13:53] Black Necromunger > im not bs’ing
[03:13:57] Indiego Montoya > 76 mil, baby!
[03:14:03] Indiego Montoya > i can rebuy everything with this!
[03:14:16] Black Necromunger > its pennys
[03:14:38] Indiego Montoya > no thanks man, you’ve already given me 76 mil today, i’d hate to infringe anymore on your generous hospitality
[03:14:57] Indiego Montoya > man, awesome, 76 mil on the gate.
[03:15:00] Indiego Montoya > thank you so much
[03:15:11] Black Necromunger > it was yours anyway
[03:15:18] Indiego Montoya > nah man
[03:15:23] Black Necromunger > silly
[03:15:29] Indiego Montoya > it was yours
[03:15:39] Indiego Montoya > you took it from me, then gave back 14%
[03:15:44] Indiego Montoya > thats 4 more than i asked for!
[03:15:48] Indiego Montoya > you’re awesome.
[03:16:12] Indiego Montoya > ooh! and fullerides are up 50 isk!
[03:16:14] Black Necromunger > i knw
[03:16:18] Indiego Montoya > best day ever!
[03:16:48] Indiego Montoya > man, i wont bother you any more, have a great nite
[03:16:52] Black Necromunger > you still lost near 300mil
[03:16:54] Indiego Montoya > i gotta get some silicates 25j thataway
[03:16:57] Indiego Montoya > so?
[03:16:58] Black Necromunger > silly boy
[03:16:59] Indiego Montoya > dude?
[03:17:05] Indiego Montoya > i just made 76 mil in 5 minutes.
[03:17:12] Black Necromunger > not the best day then is it
[03:17:13] Indiego Montoya > nothing can top that.
[03:17:20] Indiego Montoya > pah
[03:17:22] Black Necromunger > no you list 300mil in 15
[03:17:27] Indiego Montoya > minor setback
[03:17:38] Indiego Montoya > i can lose a hulk in 30 seconds and a rorq in a minute
[03:17:47] Indiego Montoya > but mining, gettin 200 mil takes hours.
[03:17:52] Black Necromunger > well your a mong then
[03:17:54] Indiego Montoya > this is like, 20 times faster
[03:18:10] Indiego Montoya > i’m gonna look for more of my corpses!
[03:18:19] Indiego Montoya > thanks again dude, i gotta fly.
[03:18:49] Black Necromunger > you are a mong…
[03:18:53] Indiego Montoya > whats a mong?
[03:18:56] Indiego Montoya > mongolian?
[03:18:59] Indiego Montoya > those dudes are awesome.
[03:19:05] Black Necromunger > tis you
[03:19:06] Indiego Montoya > all like “HRRARGH”
[03:19:12] Indiego Montoya > dude, you’re too kind
[03:19:13] Black Necromunger > run along mong
[03:19:15] Indiego Montoya > you’re a mongolian too.
[03:19:22] Indiego Montoya > let’s get some elephants.
[03:19:29] Indiego Montoya > wait, no, that’s huns.

P.S., The corp of the ganker apologized profusely and booted the ganker out of corp, apparently karma does exist. He made 300 mil off a successful risk and got booted out of a corp he joined yesterday which he probably didn’t plan to stay in.
[05:52:08] Indiego Montoya > if you apologize one more time i’m sending your CEO a letter saying that you were involved in it.