It seemed like a really good idea at the time

You know me, I like making people laugh. As such, April Fools day is my unofficial holiday, where each year I pull some elaborate heist over a nearby friend, making an extremely trivial change that is extremely difficult to do, like swapping my friend’s car from one side of the street to the other while he sleeps.

This year, I turned my brain towards a simple, yet massive prank: In between the hours of midnight and five AM, I was going to move the WH PoS one moon to the left, then, send a corp mail saying “har har i wuz spy and stole your iskies”.

Plans were made. I wrote the letter, made safespots to hold the ships and cargo, and sat patiently and waited for the day of reckoning. Part A of the plan was to move all the ships, using the Orca or my handy ship command skills to move the ships, then the cargo, to the safe, which was about 15 AU off grid. Part B was to use a blockade runner to unanchor the guns, then the empty corp hangar, then the PoS, re-anchoring it one moon to the left, anchor corp hangar n such, guns, send the mail and go off to sleep. Predictably, things started to go horribly, horribly wrong around Part A and continued to fail explosively for the rest of the night.

At midnight, the American players in corp had gone to bed and the UK ones were not scheduled to wake up for another five hours, I started unanchoring the spare corp hangar while moving the ships from the maint bay to the safespot. I managed most of the hulks, all the Gallente ships and all other ships that would fit into the maint bay of my Orca. Then, the first problem of the night struck.

Raath (maker of staticmapper.com, for all your WH static needs), had recently purchased a Falcon, intended for use in all things jamming and currently floating in space next to the maint bay. This would normally not present a problem, since the falcon fits in the Orca’s maint bay, but he had left a module in it. For the uninformed, when a ship has a module in it it can’t be stuffed into a maintenence bay on another ship, and since I hadn’t taken the five week training session on “how to fly Caldari t2 cruisers”, the ship was going nowhere.

While I was perfectly willing to leave Raath’s Typhoon (Minmatar Battleship) floating in empty space for about twelve hours, a 100 mil Falcon hull was an entirely different story. To leave the Falcon safe, I made a a plan to scan an exit, get a small tower in with an alt, have the alt put up the tower where the old tower was in the name of the altcorp while I put up the Caldari large tower on the one moon to the left.

I start scanning, find a C5, which goes to a C6.

Russians.

To make matters worse, Russians with two carriers, two dreads and various tech 2 ships, including a Vulture (Caldari Command Ship), a ship whose skill training time is just under a third of a year.

To make matters even worse, ships were appearing and vanishing along with capsules, so they were active. I drop sister probes, do a 32 AU scan and recall probes. two sigs in system, I look at the size of the red sphere, look at the planets that it encapsulates, pick one on the edge, and warp to it, drop probes again, scan, wormhole.

Mindful of the fact that if WE saw scan probes in system, we would immediately close the connecting WH.

I pop into their static and look around. Static C4, end of lifetime, which means that I can’t risk getting an alt and tower in. I speed back through to our C6, get the Orca (250,000,000 kg) and a calculator, and pass BS and Orca through until the WH goes critical.

Making the first smart choice all night, instead of blindly passing the Orca through, I move my scan alt into the connecting WH, then jump the Orca through. Then watch, as the WH closes, leaving all of my alts on the wrong side of the WH, and no-one but me has the BM for where the ships are.

I web the orca through the Russian C6 (noticing scan probes as I do so), flee through the end of lifetime C4 link and logoff he Orca, then start scanning the 35 sig system. Literally, the last sig is the WH, C2, highsec static, Orca gets out, Covops out.

After a string of cursing, I tear through the Russian WH and wake up a corp mate. The corpmate, who logs in his Myrmidon (Gallente Battlecruiser), says that he needs combat probes to scan out the 1.5 bil pile of ships.

[ 2010.04.01 06:00:16 ] haav0c > corpmate…
[ 2010.04.01 06:00:18 ] haav0c > you busy?
[ 2010.04.01 06:00:25 ] haav0c > we’ve got a bit of a problem.
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:12 ] haav0c > and by “bit”
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:14 ] haav0c > i mean.
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:17 ] Corpmate > whats up?
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:21 ] haav0c > well
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:25 ] haav0c > say, hypothetically.
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:31 ] Corpmate > uh oh
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:35 ] haav0c > a dude made a plan for an april fools joke.
[ 2010.04.01 06:05:31 ] Corpmate > wait….it’s past midnight there already
[ 2010.04.01 06:05:37 ] Corpmate > im not falling for this
[ 2010.04.01 06:05:52 ] haav0c > >.>
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:02 ] haav0c > let’s also say that he’s been moving ships for the last hour
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:09 ] haav0c > and ran into a little snag
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:15 ] haav0c > that raath’s shiny new falcon
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:25 ] haav0c > had shit in the cargo
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:32 ] Corpmate > 😦
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:42 ] haav0c > and he wasn’t about to leave a shiny falcon floating at the old pos, so he started scanning.
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:46 ] haav0c > and found russians.
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:49 ] haav0c > active russians.
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:58 ] haav0c > so he tried to close the WH by himself.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:02 ] haav0c > hypothetically.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:19 ] haav0c > and let’s also say, hypothetifuckingcally.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:28 ] Corpmate > and did this dude hypothetically lose an orca?
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:32 ] haav0c > that he is currently in an occupied system
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:37 ] haav0c > with no link to our wh
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:42 ] haav0c > and the orca logoffskied.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:56 ] Corpmate > lololol
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:08 ] Corpmate > so ur in a russian occupied system in an orca?
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:16 ] haav0c > no, that was two WHs ago
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:25 ] haav0c > we’re safe from the russians.
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:28 ] haav0c > but…
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:42 ] haav0c > most if not all of our shit is currently floating in a safespot
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:48 ] haav0c > to which only i have the BM.
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:48 ] Corpmate > do orcas have scanners fit?
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:50 ] haav0c > no.
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:05 ] haav0c > but that’s irrelevent
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:13 ] haav0c > because i’m in a covops with the fucking orca
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:20 ] Corpmate > dude…i can’t fly most of the ships
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:23 ] haav0c > exactly.
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:32 ] haav0c > so, what i’d really, really appreciate right now
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:51 ] Corpmate > u need me to scan out the safe spot?
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:55 ] haav0c > is you scanning a route while i try to get out of WH space with the orca intact, get back into WH space and clean this shit up.
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:56 ] Corpmate > and put a bm in the can?
[ 2010.04.01 06:10:24 ] Corpmate > omg
[ 2010.04.01 06:10:33 ] Corpmate > /emote /facepalms
[ 2010.04.01 06:11:18 ] haav0c > raath and blake can…probably clean the shit up
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:13 ] haav0c > it’s…
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:16 ] haav0c > kinda southey
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:21 ] haav0c > well
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:29 ] Corpmate > about how far away?
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:30 ] haav0c > it’s not too far off the center of the system
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:33 ] haav0c > umm
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:35 ] haav0c > 10 au
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:39 ] haav0c > maybe 16
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:48 ] Corpmate > so, not a very safe spot… ….
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:50 ] haav0c > no.
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:01 ] haav0c > i kinda figured that i’d be fucking done by now.
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:04 ] Corpmate > how many ships are there?
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:12 ] haav0c > bout…ten
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:17 ] Corpmate > what kind?
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:25 ] haav0c > itty Vs, domi
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:26 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:28 ] haav0c > the hulks.
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:33 ] Corpmate > i can fly both of those
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:03 ] Corpmate > and how was this supposed to be an april fools joke? im not getting that part.
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:20 ] haav0c > included in this package was a leter saying
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:30 ] haav0c > “haha i was a spy all along i’ve taken everything”
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:39 ] Corpmate > hahahah…ic
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:56 ] haav0c > and the joke was that the pos was moved one moon to the left >.>
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:59 ] haav0c > instead of being taken.
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:08 ] haav0c > i planned this shit for months, man.
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:11 ] Corpmate > what? u moved the pos?
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:13 ] haav0c > no
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:17 ] Corpmate > thank god
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:18 ] haav0c > that was part C
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:27 ] haav0c > this right here is part A crashing and burning.
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:53 ] Corpmate > im not sure i have combat probes in my ship…so that’s a relief….hope we have some in the cargo bays
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:05 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:11 ] haav0c > the cargo bays…
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:16 ] haav0c > that i put in the ittys?
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:22 ] Corpmate > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:26 ] haav0c > ho boy.
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:45 ] Corpmate > so…what is left at the POS?
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:50 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:57 ] haav0c > breaath mint and the ore.
[ 2010.04.01 06:17:10 ] Corpmate > roflmao


Thankfully, someone with more foresight than me had put combat probes in the “we’re screwed” container, which I had somehow missed in my initial “move everything to the safe” stage. He finds the ships, gets them back to the PoS, and we all log at about…five in the morning.




Big Bear Hug

[TIP] In addition to Empire, Dotlan also tracks statistics for WH systems. You can track historical jumps and kills out of game in the following URL format: http://evemaps.dotlan.net/system/Jxxxxxx. So for example, you can see the history on this little C1.

We’ve had a quiet weekend in our WH space as far as mining goes but saw a lot of visitor activity, especially Russian visitor activity.

Friday

  • Found a good route to empire, C6 (us) -> C5 -> C4 -> highsec one jump from Jita.
  • Standard drill: out out, fuel in

Saturday

  • Woke up early and started scanning, ooook normal WH procedure
  • Core grav despawned, damn
  • Only 4 Ladars left, damn
  • Nobody online to run encounters, damn

At this point I decided to start harvesting gas. I fitted a Dominix to take on Sleeper frigates and headed out to activate two Ladar sites.

After a few minutes, a Tengu, Drake, and Scorpion were scramming me. They had apparently already scanned our system down and bookmarked it. When I came online, they came in for the kill.

Now I do check the Dotlan charts for my system when I log on for the day, and I should have been aware that there were multiple jumps over the span of 3-4 hours prior to me logging on, but I ignored all that.

2010.03.13 14:26:00

Victim: Blake
Destroyed: Dominix
Damage Taken: 25215

Involved parties:

Name: Emergent Patroller / Unknown
Damage Done: 11652

Name: XaosSergey
Corp: Space Patrol Russian Federation
Ship: Tengu
Weapon: Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 6034

Name: Waitingsteel (laid the final blow)
Corp: Space Patrol Russian Federation
Ship: Drake
Weapon: Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 5997

Name: Janychar
Corp: Space Patrol Russian Federation
Ship: Scorpion
Weapon: Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1532

Destroyed items:

N-Type EM Hardener I
Large Capacitor Control Circuit I, Qty: 2
Stasis Webifier II
Large Anti-Explosive Pump I
Large Remote Armor Repair System II
Hammerhead II (Drone Bay)
Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II, Qty: 2
250mm Railgun II, Qty: 2
Garde I, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay)

Dropped items:

Armor Thermic Hardener II
Damage Control II
Armor Explosive Hardener II
Stasis Webifier II
Medium Energy Neutralizer I, Qty: 2
Cap Recharger II, Qty: 3
Hammerhead II, Qty: 3 (Drone Bay)
Armor Kinetic Hardener II
250mm Railgun II
Garde I, Qty: 3 (Drone Bay)

Luckily I was quick with the mouse and got my pod back to the POS. After a few minutes of silence, I saw local blinking.

[ 2010.03.13 14:27:36 ] Janychar > do u senk that we coold to destroy u pos?

Hmm, I’m not one for smacktalk so I did not respond and starting onlining guns and POS shield hardeners. I think they were looking for me to respond because they eventually got bored and left our system.

There were 10 hours left on our static WH and I sat cloaked watching numerous Space Patrol Russian Federation ships take a peek into our WH to see if any more targets were active until it eventually closed.

летать безопасно! (fly safe? sorry for the Google Translator usage)


I think I’m playing the wrong game.

I’ve taken a look around, at other blog posts and players all bragging about corp theft, ninja salvaging, looting and ganking. I then looked at my kill statistics (0 kills 54 losses). Then back at everything else. Then back at my losses (2 bil in assets lost).

I’m starting to get the feeling that I’m too damn nice. A few weeks ago, I’m running a site in my C1, in my trusty passive drake. A hurricane opens fire on me with a SB supporting. Knowing that there’s no way I’ll get the hurricane (probably pvp specced) down, I open fire on the SB and get it down to structure before it warps out. Drake explodes, pod to pos. Wait an hour, get out, get a new drake, refit, get back into PoS.

A few hours later a dude, from the same corp that killed me, asks in local for an exit. At this point, the general idea of Eve would be to get him to warp into a bubble w/ my drake and blast him to bits with extreme vindication. I fleet with him and warp him to my highsec exit and wish him a nice day.

I can just HEAR my collective audience sighing right now.

Similarly, we’re in the C6 running ore out through a 5 WH route to highsec when we spot a raven on directional. Combat ships, start scanning for him. I open a convo and offer him an exit after we finish the ore. Which we give him, no charge or anything.

A week ago, I’m scanning a route. I pin our static, warp to it, cloak, get involved with an argument with Blake that lasts half an hour. WH flash. Sentinel uncloaks on WH and launches probes. I convo him, he’s lost and has been trying to find an exit from W-space for a week, but is convinced that our WH, despite him coming through the static, has another WH in it.

I remind all of you that this is a C6, the deepest possible WH that no-one should come into by accident. The wormhole info says “deadly”, for crying out loud!

I go into the WH that he’s just come out of and scan a lowsec WH in under five minutes, warp him to it, then collapse our static just in case he was actually an attacker.

Yesterday, we’re just chillin.
OMG SISTER COMBAT PROBES
No longer chilling.
The other person online at the time goes offline for reasons that definitely weren’t fear and terror, and I wait, for an hour, watching the directional to see what happens.

The scan probes stay on directional… and stay there…. So, either the user has forgotten he’s launched them or one of our six signatures is giving a horrible time. Eventually, I ask in local

haav -> Dude, you’ve had probes out for the last hour and a half, wth?
dude -> sorry i lost

Another dude…lost… I find him an exit.

Anyrate, here’s the crowning moment of my stupidity:

We’ve got like a day or two of nitrogen isotopes left. I’m scanning a route, it’s about ten at night. After three WHs, I get a C4.

Twenty five sigs.

After scanning twenty-three signetures, I find a WH. Joy upon joys, it goes to a C4. Pop through, wrecks on the directional. I warp to the anomalies, fourth one has wrecks in it, meaning that someone was JUST there killing and is getting his salvage alt, probably.

Conscious of the fact that any person running C4s has several friends, I log my alt on, shove her in a tristan w/ an AB fitted, warp her through the route and start looting, approaching wrecks, selecting a planet and hovering over the “warp to” button. Eight wrecks, my parinoa overwhelms me at about the same time I finish the last wreck within 34km. Not pushing my luck, I engage warp. As I warp out, a tengu lands on grid. Typing “I regret nothing” in local, I jump through the WH I came through in both ships, and burn space-rubber back towards home.

I get through about… three wormholes before this train of through hits me:
“This is about 6-8 mil of salvage”
“This is a trivial amount for me”
“I’m planning on running C4 anomalies”
“I’d hate it if this happened to me”

Guilt hits me, I transfer the stolen lewt to the buzzard, tristan back to pos, buzzard back to the C4. I warp to the anomaly within 100km, the tengu is sitting there, 70km away from me. I apologize in local, jettison a can w/ the stuff and start warping off.

He gets two salvos off on my buzzard and drops me to armor before I warp out. As I warp to the wormhole, he types in local:

“wardec inc TBH”

I jump through the WH, burn home, and open convo w/ the dude.

[ 2010.03.08 02:28:39 ] haav0c > so you’re wardeccing us because i jetted some of your lewts 70km away?
[ 2010.03.08 02:29:07 ] haav0c > i mean christ, man, i gave the shit back.
[ 2010.03.08 02:29:24 ] haav0c > what would you have done if i had kept it? double wardecced us?
[ 2010.03.08 02:30:42 ] Baillif > ya see the fun thing about wh corps is
[ 2010.03.08 02:30:47 ] Baillif > people will give up your locations
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:00 ] Baillif > in this case its a fair bit easier since i already have a cov ops in your hole
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:05 ] Baillif > so i dont have to spend isk
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:19 ] Baillif > we already know c4

I think he’s referring to the C4 I was scanning in. Or maybe the second C4. idk.

[ 2010.03.08 02:31:26 ] haav0c > erm.
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:40 ] Baillif > or maybe not another one in there
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:44 ] Baillif > no matter we will find that one too
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:14 ] haav0c > and you’re gonna go to all this over…2 mil of salvage?
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:22 ] haav0c > which I gave back?
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:28 ] Baillif > well we enjoy killing anyway
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:32 ] haav0c > alright.
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:44 ] Baillif > doubly so since we are irritated
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:45 ] haav0c > so this is the typical “we’ll kill you on sight” mentality?
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:07 ] Baillif > something like that
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:15 ] haav0c > so…typical WH attitude?
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:21 ] Baillif > pretty much
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:24 ] haav0c > good to know we’re on the same page.
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:43 ] haav0c > have fun w/ the 33 sig C4.
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:52 ] haav0c > http://www.staticmapper.com may help.

Insert shameless plug here.

[ 2010.03.08 02:33:54 ] Baillif > wh sigs are big
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:57 ] Baillif > specially k162s
[ 2010.03.08 02:34:05 ] haav0c > mmhm.
[ 2010.03.08 02:34:45 ] haav0c > how big are they once you pass a carrier or two through?
[ 2010.03.08 02:35:16 ] Baillif > why would you go and do a thing like that
[ 2010.03.08 02:35:35 ] haav0c > because you scare the hell outta me?
[ 2010.03.08 02:35:53 ] haav0c > no more than any other person who’s opened fire on me, admitted.
[ 2010.03.08 02:36:29 ] Baillif > regrettably you were not within precision missile range
[ 2010.03.08 02:36:44 ] haav0c > could you have switched in time?
[ 2010.03.08 02:37:03 ] Baillif > if you were in precision range you wouldnt have been leaving for other reasons
[ 2010.03.08 02:37:09 ] Baillif > so yeah
[ 2010.03.08 02:37:27 ] haav0c > yup.
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:08 ] Baillif > admittedly that was the most hilarious thing another corp has done in a while
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:09 ] haav0c > well, next time i give shit back i won’t stop to abandon the can XD
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:16 ] haav0c > i try XD
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:34 ] Baillif > but i have killed for less
[ 2010.03.08 02:39:05 ] haav0c > you almost killed for just that.
[ 2010.03.08 02:39:12 ] haav0c > and i’ve died for less.
[ 2010.03.08 02:39:28 ] haav0c > wishing a nullsec fleet a “good morning” tops that list.

All the while I’m texing the carrier pilot
“Need closing power ASAP”

[ 2010.03.08 02:40:55 ] haav0c > btw, if you have any covops in our hole
[ 2010.03.08 02:41:05 ] haav0c > they have… 2 minutes tops.
[ 2010.03.08 02:41:13 ] Baillif > ill be sure to let him know
[ 2010.03.08 02:41:30 ] haav0c > there i go again, being fucking polite.
[ 2010.03.08 02:42:57 ] haav0c > well, for what it’s worth, i’m really, really sorry i delayed your isk making by all of thirty seconds.
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:04 ] haav0c > how could i have been so foolish.
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:06 ] Baillif > lol
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:26 ] Baillif > youc ould ahve at least came in combat ships and made it fun
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:38 ] Baillif > i mean what the heck is that about
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:49 ] haav0c > erm…
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:03 ] haav0c > “omg wrecks…cheap salvage boat, cheap salvage boat…”
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:20 ] haav0c > “shuttle….something w/ AB… there, tristan!”
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:49 ] Baillif > my line of thinking was more along the lines of ooh buzzard on scan get the pvp gu
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:59 ] Baillif > and pray he shows up with reinforcements
[ 2010.03.08 02:45:06 ] haav0c > lol
[ 2010.03.08 02:45:16 ] haav0c > “i don’t wanna lose my buzzard, cheap ship, cheap ship…”
[ 2010.03.08 02:45:53 ] haav0c > i’m not much of a fighter.
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:04 ] Baillif > gasser?
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:12 ] haav0c > industrialists 😛
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:19 ] Baillif > ah
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:19 ] haav0c > industrialist
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:28 ] haav0c > people cover my ass and i give them iskies 😛
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:44 ] haav0c > and by people i mean the thanatos closing the connecting WH.
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:19 ] Baillif > perhaps i should bring additional reinforcements
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:27 ] Baillif > you better be quick
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:30 ] Baillif > we almost have you
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:38 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:56 ] haav0c > i can say with complete honesty.
[ 2010.03.08 02:48:06 ] haav0c > if you managed to get through all five WHs.
[ 2010.03.08 02:48:11 ] haav0c > especially the one w/ 30 sigs.
[ 2010.03.08 02:48:20 ] haav0c > then you deserve to pod the crap outta us.

We close the WH. Carrier FTW

[ 2010.03.08 02:49:51 ] haav0c > and….gone.
[ 2010.03.08 02:50:21 ] Baillif > better be the truth because we are coming to verify
[ 2010.03.08 02:50:28 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.03.08 02:50:39 ] haav0c > you’ve caught me.
[ 2010.03.08 02:51:04 ] haav0c > this has all been a ploy to distract you from scanning us, we love in a C4 and you’re in a perfect position to play havoc with us.
[ 2010.03.08 02:51:49 ] Baillif > im notthe one scanning so well yeah
[ 2010.03.08 02:53:28 ] Baillif > hes got nothing better to do
[ 2010.03.08 02:53:31 ] haav0c > egad, we never anticipated a second person involved.

[ 2010.03.08 02:56:31 ] Baillif > anyway alliances your size have highsec people thats always the case
[ 2010.03.08 02:57:11 ] Baillif > cant find an alliance full of people that can stomach whspace full time
[ 2010.03.08 02:57:23 ] haav0c > that’s great. i’ll be sure to inform all 2 of em that i’ve caused a wardec.
[ 2010.03.08 02:57:35 ] Baillif > nah dont admit it we dont want ya kicked

Lying through my teeth hoping he doesn’t dec our alliance, which we just joined and is in fact nullsec/highsec/lowsec.

[ 2010.03.08 02:59:55 ] haav0c > so, yeah, be sure to call the campain, if you start one, “we did this over 6 mil of salvage we later got back”
[ 2010.03.08 03:03:12 ] Baillif > ah so you did close it
[ 2010.03.08 03:03:14 ] Baillif > tsk tsk

[ 2010.03.08 03:21:30 ] Baillif > well honestly id have come in a ceptor had i not suspected you had backup
[ 2010.03.08 03:22:28 ] haav0c > /emote pales
[ 2010.03.08 03:22:31 ] Baillif > tengu not exactly the best ship for that job
[ 2010.03.08 03:22:52 ] haav0c > you locked me hella fast, but ya
[ 2010.03.08 03:23:40 ] Baillif > its a good boat
[ 2010.03.08 03:23:47 ] Baillif > id fight like 2-3 bs at once with it
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:29 ] haav0c > powerful ship.
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:38 ] haav0c > have you had that bug w/ the maint arary?
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:40 ] haav0c > array*
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:49 ] Baillif > yes thats why it took me a while to get out there
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:49 ] haav0c > w/ the bonus not being applied?
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:52 ] Baillif > had ot restart
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:53 ] haav0c > >. someone told me its only happening in wormhole poses
[ 2010.03.08 03:25:24 ] Baillif > but im not sure if thats true or not
[ 2010.03.08 03:25:31 ] haav0c > i’ve heard that too
[ 2010.03.08 03:25:40 ] haav0c > but that could just be cause most t3s are in whs…
[ 2010.03.08 03:26:02 ] Baillif > yeah its pretty ideal out here
[ 2010.03.08 03:26:06 ] Baillif > already killed 7 of em
[ 2010.03.08 03:26:14 ] haav0c > heh

Sorry Quivering, it’s hard to sympathize with your T3 troubles when they save my ass.


February Failmails

I spend a lot of time reviewing killmails so here are some choice fails.

  1. 52.8 B Officer/T2 Erebus (Gallente Titan) link
  2. 155.3 B lowsec Obelisk (Gallente Freighter) link
  3. 2.4 M damage Power Diagnostic System II fitted Thanatos (Gallente Carrier) link
  4. Two SOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSO Anshar’s (Gallente Jump Freighter) killed by their own Alliance’s POS 3.8 B link and 4.4 B link
  5. 7x Warp Core fitted Dominix killed in lowsec link
  6. Heavy Pulse Laser II fitted Dominix link
  7. Phoenix (Caldari Dreadnought) taken out by a POS link
  8. Mixed fit Dominix link
  9. NPC killed Thanatos (Gallente Carrier) link
  10. 3.0 B Charon (Caldari Freighter) link

Hauling: how not to die

1. You probably won’t die, unless you’re carrying something worth lots of iskies or sentimental value, at which point Murphy’s law kicks in and it explodes half a kilometer off the station.
2. Try to make sure that the isk required to destroy your ship is more than the isk you currently have in your ship. example: Covetor BPO in a shuttle, bad idea. Covetor BPO in a freighter: silly, but good idea.
3. Freighters, although big and awesome, can be killed. It doesn’t happen often, but it will. Don’t autopilot with more than a bil in cargo.
4. Tech 1 haulers explode when a rookie ship coughs at them. Make sure you’re either good at running away quickly or never carry things that even LOOK valuable.
5. Making a courier contract and doing it yourself will not stop people from seeing into your cargo.
6. Nor will putting your stuff in GSCs (Giant Secure Container)
7. A cloaky hauler is not invulnurable, a blockade runner is fairly invincible w/ the right strategies.
8. The best defence against suicide ganks is an Orca (Industrial Command Ship). Would-be gankers can’t see inside it’s corp hangar so they won’t risk the time it takes.
9. If you have to AP to Jita, AP to one or two jumps before Jita. A smartbombing BS costs about 3-4 mil after insurance.
10. A BS can kill your hauler. Most BSs, after insurance, cost under ten mil, fittings included. Be very nervous while hauling more than ten mil in a T1 hauler.
11. A typical highsec gank of a deep space transport takes 4-5 BSs. Be careful when hauling more than 50 mil.
12. A typical highsec gank of a cloaky hauler never effing happens, because you’re cloaked.
13. Autopilot and going AFK are the two most easiest way to spray paint “hot fresh iskies” on the side of your ship.
14. A deep space transport can fit a goodly tank at the expense of cargo.
15. If you fit your deep space transport for tank you’re either trying to get past a gatecamp where you KNOW a Heavy Interdictor is not present or you’re being an idiot.
16. The people with brains will look past the deep space transport’s tank bonuses and note that it has enough powergrid to fit a microwarpdrive.
17. It is a perfectly legitimate use of game mechanics to align to a gate, engage cloak and MWD, then disengage them after one cycle and engage warp to produce an insta-warp effect.
18. Freighters are slow as frozen molasses. Ask a corpmate nicely for his webbs.
19. Freighters are essentially giant cardboard boxes. If you get wardecced, do not take them out of station.
20. Skate around wardecs by keeping your freighter alt in a newbie corp. This may make #19 difficult.
21. To let an out-of-corp person web you, have then jettison ammo and have the freighter take from it.
22. Oh wait.
22. Have the freighter pilot in another ship take from your can, then webb. Pay very close attention if you get concord threats.
23. when hauling through lowsec, use a blockade runner (warp cloaked), occator (Mwd/cloak trick), Orca (MWD trick, very expensive and skill intensive), or a freighter (with several friends)
24. The cloak/MWD trick will not help very much against Warp bubbles in nullsec. Use a cloaky hauler.
25. When caught in a warp bubble, find the closest edge NOT on an align point with anything. Approach, turn on AB/MWD and cloak. Slooooowly make your way to safety.
26. Drones decloak you. IF you get decloaked for any reason you’re probably dead, burn out the bubble and try to align to something.
27. When in a T1 hauler/cloaky hauler, be wary of smartbombing gatecamps. Silly as it seems, have a tank on your cloaking ship.
28. If you find yourself screwed downriver, like protocloaked w/ no velocity next to a ten man gatecamp, sit there and wait for someone else to get caught, THEN try to run.
29. Evade station gatecamps by having a BM about 1,000 km away from the station on a line with how you undock. Instawarp happens every time and foils gatecamps, assuming no bubbles.
30. Jita IV moon four station has a moon and planet that fits this criteria.
31. In a fight between haulers and combat ships, there can only be two endings: the hauler dies or the hauler lives. Try to avoid the former situation by being verrrry careful.
32. Having a hauler that can warp cloak or protowarp scout for a hauler that can’t is a good strategy when traveling through lowsec.
33. Using two haulers that can cloak is a much better strategy.
34. Despite what your friends say, using a scout in null and lowsec is not “unmanly”.
35. JFs make all your lowsec hauling problems go away, unless you don’t know how to use one, in which case you shouldn’t get one.
36. If you’re too “noobish” to understand any of the above, then what the hell are you doing w/ over 100 mil and/or ask a corpmate.

[March 9 Addition]

5.4 B Iteron V (Gallente T1 Industrial) killmail

1.2 B Mammoth (Minmatar T1 Industrial) killmail

0.59 B Madger Mark II outside Jita 4-4 killmail


omgwtfsplosion

Recently, a friend of mine linked a chatlog. Apparently, someone had bought a Rorqual without realizing that, being a capital ship, it could not use gates. Subsequently, he lost it on a gate. In the chatlog, he essentially explodes. With rage and idiocy.

Before that, another friend, through a series of coincidences, had all his chars outside his WH when the server crashed. When the server came back up, the WH connecting him to his 3-4 bil in assets was gone, with no way to get back in.

I’ll go ahead and let you imagine his reaction. Short story, a GM let him back in.

As I’ve heard before, Eve is a game of tens. You start out in a rookie ship and 100k isk sounds like shitloads. You get a frig and 10 mil sounds like shitloads. You get a cruiser and 100 mil sounds like shitloads. you get a BS and a bill is a shitloads. You get a carrier and usually by that point you think 500 mil is being poor.

With insurance the way it is, losing a ship isn’t much, and you can usually bounce back with the money. A personal nightmare of mine used to be losing all of my assets at once and finding myself back in a rookie ship with an empty wallet. My personal Eve nightmare has now changed to all of my friends stopping playing and possibly losing everything. And/or getting blamed for a giant corp theft or something.

In any case, if I did find myself in a frigate mining again, I still wouldn’t explode. I have friends now, friends that loaned me startup capital in a heartbeat, so even if I do find myself in a fucking navitas mining fifteen units of veldspar every fucking 60 fucking seconds until I want to hang myself…
Where was I going?

Anyway, in our WH, when we have to close a wormhole, we usually jump a bunch of medium and small sized ships through, jump the Rorq through, move the ships back through and then the Rorq, which so far has only failed few times, but we fixed that. Anyway, this scenario leave us in the situation of having a 1.7 bil ship, alone, on one side of a wormhole that usually, if we’re trying to close it, has several people on the other side that want to kill us.

I can’t accurately portray that risk, so let’s basically call it the equivalent of sticking your todger into a women’s bathroom at the annual switchblade owner convention.

Anyway, I’ve had losses before and they really didn’t bother me. When I lost the large tower to a highsec gank after getting it safely out of a C6, I made a witty comment in local and left. I lost a friend’s domi to a blob, I wished them a nice day. I would go on, but I’d like to hear your stories. What’s the worst loss you’ve had, and have you ever exploded like this idiot?


First Cyno Adventure

Don’t even think about getting into Capital ships until you have Jump Drive Operation to V with the two support skills, Jump Drive Calibration and Jump Fuel Conservation, to at least III if not IV. These are completely necessary skills in order to move a capital around. Jump Drive Calibration is especially important because it grants a 25% increase in maximum jump range per level (!). Additionally, Jump Fuel Conservation reduces fuel consumption by -10% per level.

We got a link to a C5 with a C140 WH (1,350,000,000 kg max jumpable mass) to Babirmoult (0.18) in the Solitude region. I brought out a scout from WH space and watched the only station in the system for an hour as I planned out the jumps for the Carrier and coordinated logistics with my Cyno-capable corpmate. If my Jump Drive Operation support skills were at 0, then it would have taken us 6 jumps. Good thing I spent the time training up the support skills to III.

Only 1 in local in the WH enterance system. I watched as he switched in between a Legion (T3 Cruiser) and a Sacrilege (T2 Heavy Assault Ship). Meanwhile, in the neighboring systems of Faurulle and Agaullores, there was a 25 person lowsec gategamp. Sheesh, well Eve is about adventure, right?

We decided that the timing wasn’t going to get any better so we planned our route.

  1. Lonetrek, Otsasai (0.35) Caldari State
  2. Black Rise, Iwisoda (0.24) Caldari State, Distance: 8.431 ly
  3. Placid, Grispire (0.18) Gallente Federation, Distance: 8.265 ly
  4. Solitude, Babirmoult (0.18) Gallente Federation, Distance: 9.333 ly

I got my scout into the 1st system, Otsasai, and cloaked him up outside the station.

Corpmate with a Cyno cruiser in place in the next system, green light issued for jump, cyno up, WHEEE! *jump*

I laded some 8k off of the Cyno cruiser so I cloaked up. Now comes the fun part where your Cyno ship cannot move for 5 minutes. After the capital ship successfully jumps, you have two options. Wait for the cyno cycle to finish or self-destruct your ship. The first two systems that we had to jump into were practically empty so we waited the full Cyno cycle.

Everything was going great until the last jump into the system with the WH when I got this notification when attempting to jump:

[ 2010.02.13 04:52:58 ] (info) This jump destination requires 7466 unit(s) of Oxygen Isotopes, but you only have 6615 in your cargo hold.

Um, uh oh. I tried to jump again.

[ 2010.02.13 04:53:10 ] (info) This jump destination requires 7466 unit(s) of Oxygen Isotopes, but you only have 6615 in your cargo hold.

Additionally, the WH from our C6 into the connecting C5 was going to close in less than 3 hours.

I guess I didn’t read the Dotlan jump calculations carefully enough. I rushed my scout around and picked up another 2,000 units (300 m3) of Oxygen Isotopes and jetcanned it right next to the Carrier.

The Cyno Cruiser flew past some lowsec gatecamps in neighboring systems and into position. We dropped the last cyno right on top of the WH (less than 5km) so the Carrier could jump in right away.

Local looks good, green light issued for cyno, cyno up, *jump*.

[ 2010.02.13 05:22:38 ] h > lit @ 2.8k

*jump*

[ 2010.02.13 05:23:01 ] Blake > landed 7k away
[ 2010.02.13 05:23:04 ] Blake > closing range
[ 2010.02.13 05:23:10 ] h > burn fast 😛
[ 2010.02.13 05:23:22 ] Blake > 60 m/s!
[ 2010.02.13 05:23:23 ] Blake > lol
[ 2010.02.13 05:23:26 ] h> XD
[ 2010.02.13 05:23:37 ] Blake > almost there

Overall a success. Now we have some remote repping power in WH space.

Cyno Operation Tips:

  1. After your Cyno module is activated, click it again to stop the cycle. This will ensure that you do not go into another Cyno cycle and become a sitting duck for another 5 minutes.
  2. Scout, scout, scout! Have corp mate(s) or alt(s) scout 1 or 2 systems ahead in your capital ship jump path. You can watch local traffic and really see when you have a good jump window.
  3. Train the Jump Drive Operation support skills up to at least III, if not IV.
  4. Cyno operations can be a blast. How else can you get through 13 systems in 1 jump?
  5. Don’t fly what you cannot afford to loose.
  6. Oh, and as always, check your clones and ship insurance before undocking.