No, I’m not dead. (just sleeping)

I’m just making stupid small girly posts until I can finish roofing the house and getting college sorted.

Anyway, CSM:

I voted for Teadaze. Considering Mynxee has been advertising herself in every channel I frequent, has been endorsed and voted for by a good percentile of bloggers and has the backing of NOIR alliance, I’d say she doesn’t need my vote. I’m having a few misgivings, though, mostly because my literature teacher (who I will never see again) was a conspiracy theorist, which is scarily easy to apply to Eve. Take the deep safe nerf, for example.

The best way to get something done that people will hate is to do something worse, then downplay it to what you actually need. I.E., you start haggling at a stupidly low amount and word up from there, getting you the best deal while the other person, if they’re inexperienced, thinks they got a good deal too.

Btw, I can’t haggle for shite.

Anyway, CCP initially said “We’re removing deep saves and kasploding anything still in them. ALL THE SHIPS GO BOOM and btw it’s going to be a 20 au limit.”

The responding forum thread and mini-threads around it demanded, with reason, that could CCP please think about maybe not doing this, because we’ve gotten awful used to that mechanic and would really rather mind you didn’t mess with it quite so thoroughly.

Fun activity: remove two-thirds the words at random, remove the vowels, and replace half the remaining letters with numbers and you’ll have the typical forum post.

Anyway, CCP responded with the well-read by now devblog titled “whoopsie”, in which they said “omg, the players have beaten us, no longer shall we explode ships, we shall only MOVE them!”

Btw, I can be quoted as saying that this is exactly what would happen.

Now, I can understand the deep safe nerf. Eve is a shooting game, where half the player base likes shooting things and the other half would rather they stop shooting them. It was a workaround for various sticky situations where you could get shot at when you’d really rather not be, and the shooters complained, justly. But look at my train of logic:

I am an average Eve player.
I don’t have a supercapital ship.
I plan to have a supercapital ship.
Supercapital ships are expensive.
Non-supercapital ships are less expensive than supercapital ships.
I have friends in Eve that I have shared contact information with in case of emergencies (through third party software of course, completely in accordance of the EULA).

Thus, we conclude that the average Eve player, by the time he or she has a supercapital or similar expensive ship, will have friends who play Eve and can contact them through third party means if someone happened to, say, nerf deep safes.

The second train:

Only experienced players know how to make deep safes.
Experienced players are experienced, and usually have friends with (see sentence in previous chain).
Experienced players usually fly expensive ships.

Thus, through math rules I don’t usually understand, experienced players who know about deep safes have friends who could contact them through third party means if someone happened to, say, nerf deep safes.

Final train:

New people could be warped to deep safes.
New people do not generally have expensive possessions.
When new players quit, they do not usually intend in coming back, as they’ve generally gone back to whatever they were enjoying before.
The only ways that a new player could have expensive ships is through charity or PLEXes, in both cases they didn’t earn the item and thus don’t appreciate the value.
New players do not have many friends, or contact information for said friends.

Thus, the only people extremely financially affected by the “we’re gonna splode ships, o wait no nevermind” are either people who don’t appreciate the stuff they have, have no friends they had so much fun with they left their contact information when they stopped playing, or people who stopped playing, and all their friends stopped playing as well.

So, on the main point again, CCP still nerfed deep safes as planned, but I’ll wager that quite a few less people complained. And, as Teadaze, a CSM member at the time, can be quoted as saying, at the time, “At the very least we want them to just move the ships”.

So, our final conclusion is that either there’s a grand CCP crowd-control conspiracy that extends over the CSM and the forums, or Teadaze cares about people who care so little about Eve they stopped playing while in a deep safe spot, had no in-game friends, and didn’t really like Eve anyway.

In closing, the third option of my life being a computer-controlled nightmare game played by beings of the fourth dimension because their hyperdimensional lives lack flavor is still a distinct possibility, which I will stop believing once it stops making perfect sense. If anyone needs me, I’ll be interrogating my keyboard to see if it knows more than it should.

Edit: The devious bastard refused to talk, and is now locked in the closet with my coke can collection, wrestling trophy and spare blanket, who also refused to speak.


I wish I could make this shit up

I’m sure everyone knows the tried and true axion of “never trust anyone in Eve”. I’d like to add another axion.

“If you’ve just woken up and have a really bad feeling about something going on, cancel warp, you fucking idiot”

So, get up this morning, look at the stack of linear algebra, login to my Orca pilot to update her skill que, someone types in alliance private chat
“Anyone want these two imperial navy multi-frequency crystals, free?”

I say sure, get a fleet invite, get fleetwarped, which triggers the first alarm bell in my head. Unfortunately, I’m still half asleep, so since my Orca’s aligned to planet VI, and the dude says he’s at planet VI moon something, I let it slide. Orca warps, and I can’t help but notice the moon he says he’s on slide worryingly past as there’s a neutral XXdeathXX spike in local.

So, I land on planet VI, and immediately start realigning to the pos, get scrammed by a loki, bubble goes up, corpmates try to assist but I tell them to hold, they’ll probably lose the two thannys to a hotdrop, set self-destruct and watch as Lebius, my Orca for eight months of W-space, which has survived through all the crazy-ass shit I’ve put it through, including warping past a russian WH pvp fleet, warping past russian dreads and such in a C6, closing a WH w/ a fleet massing on the other side, warping out moments before a bubble fleet warped in on the grav, hauling through a five-C5 link to a lowsec WH w/ a bil of compressed ore, and a huge pile of other things I cant remember right now, explodes. The pod, with +3 implants(o noes!) explodes.

Most people would be angry, but I’ve got this really weird trait. Ever since kindergarten, I’m completely unaffected by losses unless I’m convinced that the other site cheated or went outside predetermined rules, at which point I usually collapse into a complete emotional breakdown and/or start punching things. This was completely within the “rules”. They (probably) had a spy in our channel, they probably fleeted me at that exact moment and had a covops floating outside the bubble to fleetwarp me, counting on that I’d be too lazy to check the actual fleet invite.

So, if you’ll not the sabre on the killmail, I wake up in station, thankfully with all my skillpoints intact. Prasing raath for having me insure my orca, I check my wallet.

170 mil.

Apparently, the Orca wasn’t insured.

I check my mail.
The Orca’s insurance expired just over five fucking hours ago.

SO.

Got about a bil in wallet, got an outstanding loan of a bil to pay back, a plex due in 12 hours and an orca, rigged to replace.

Gotta love Eve.


In lieu of an actual post

Unfortunately, this week and the next is my finals week(s?), which will ultimately decide how I live the rest of my life. So, in the interests of not living the rest of my live raving under a bridge about internet spaceships for spare change, I’ve not played much Eve this week or the last two. Consequently, I haven’t been able to write anything funny because I didn’t DO anything funny. So, instead of making a post about not making a post and possibly getting into an argument with myself, here’s my thoughts on the alliance tourney participants:

Against ALL Authorities -> chased us out of my first nullsec experience
Agony Empire -> Teachers of shooting, expect “just got schooled” and such from the official commentators.
Arbeitaholics Anonymous -> Why someone would combine the german word for “work” with “ahoics Anonymous” escapes me.
Atlas Alliance ->We rent from them, but still can’t use the JB network and NOIR is currently on contract to “irritate/annoy atlas renters”. Thanks guys!
B A N E -> Batman villian: This time he’s serious.
Beyond Virginity -> I was not aware Virginity was something you could go beyond…seemed more like a yes/no type o thing.
BricK sQuAD. -> “mY dAmN shIft kEY iS bUggeD MaybE soMeonE eLSe SHoUld MAke thE ALliaNce” “Naw man, it was your idea, you should do it!”
Circle-Of-Two -> Have you guys ever tried to define a circle using only two points? It’s harder than it sounds, I keep ending up with ovals.
Cry Havoc. -> sorry guys, it’s spelled with two “a”s and a zero.
Curatores Veritatis Alliance -> Who?
DarkSide. -> of the moooooonn!
Dead Terrorists -> Killed me in an itty V in a lowsec gatecamp and taught me a valuable lesson about hauling fully fit scan ships in cargo instead of just flying the damn things. Also how stupid the idea of tanking a hauler is.
death from above.. -> Much easier to scream than “Death from the side” or “Death from the north!”
Dystopia Alliance -> I take it you’ll be flying minnie?
Electric Monkey Overlords -> In recent studies, monkeys are horrible at Eve and even worse while being submitted to electroshock therapy.
Electus Matari -> First thought: blue chick from Avatar. Second thought: Pokemon.
Erebus Alliance -> Should do much better than Velator Alliance, the commentator favorite of AT0.5
Eve Engineering -> We built this spaceship….. We built this spaceship on poooods and troooolls!
Get Off My Lawn -> Wait wait, don’t tell me, you guys….freighter service? You couldn’t possibly be another nullsec alliance touchy about holding space with a name like that.
GoonSwarm -> by Goonswarm do you mean the one dude with the dread fleet or the alliance who’d really rather that the dude give the dreads back?
Honourable Templum of Alcedonia -> Atlas renters. They’d better be careful if they end up against Atlas >.>
HUN Reloaded -> “Attila: This time he’s pissed off!”
Huzzah Federation -> A federation based off a cheer cannot possibly fail. It’s a rule.
HYDRA RELOADED -> Soon to be seen in the upcoming sequel crossover: “Attila Vs the greek myths. Part two”
Important Internet Spaceship League -> The Unimportant Farmers Tractor League sadly did not qualify this year for various reasons.
Indecisive Certainty -> You just blew, like, my MIND man.
Interstellar Alcohol Conglomerate -> Now thatsh a Conglomerat that I can reshpect!
Intrepid Crossing -> like Washington and the Delaware, only it’s internet spaceships, they arn’t crossing anything and there is no boat to speak of. Informative!
Ivy League -> I will respect both you and Agony infinitley if, if you guys end up against eachother, you both all fly noobships.
Leguinea Romana -> Was there ever a Rome in eve-canon?
Majesta Empire -> Up next in opera:
Manifest Destiny. -> Pah, you north coalition guys think you’re so hot, but all this time you couldn’t even take Venal? Tisk tisk.
Monks of War. -> Think of a monk with a rife. Yeah, my brain disconnected too.
Morsus Mihi -> Don’t think no-one sees you moving into Mostly Harmless space. Coalition my left foot!
Mos Vape Heavy Industries ->Sorry guys, you’re not allowed to setup a PoS and build more ships on the battlefield.
Negative Ten. -> “Because we didn’t really like moving around without being shot at anyway”
Noir. Mercenary Group -> So when AT8 starts you’ll stop camping our system in SBs?
Old Intentions -> Intentions do not, in fact, get better with age. Have fun petitioning CCP to let you put up player-owned stations or whatever the heck your intentions were years ago.
OWN Alliance -> Because you’d feel pretty silly entering “THEIRS Alliance” in a tourney.
Paisti Syndicate -> Misspelling of “pastry”?
Panda Team -> Because “Team Aardvark” wasn’t funny enough?
Pandemic Legion -> Previous winners (yay!) who seem to have members going around exploiting local (boo!)
Perihelion Alliance -> name too hard to pronounce, didn’t read.
Pitch Black Legion -> no matter what subsystems you fit to a legion, it will never be black. Sorry to dissapoint you guys.
Plutonix -> Named after a rock that recently lost it’s planet license.
RAZOR Alliance -> “Really Awesome Zorz Omg Really. Alliance.
RED.OVERLORD -> “Guys, my space and shift keys are stuck” “Just use the period, no-one’ll notice”
Rote Kapelle -> Red Orchestra. Awesome, I love orchestral music.
Silver Twilight Enterprises -> Has anyone ever tried to make twilight silver? It is much harder than it looks.
Snatch Victory -> Again, expect “snatched victory” jokes from commentators
SOLAR FLEET -> Defeating you with the power of clean efficient victory!
Soldiers of Thunderstorm -> Burnin fast, burnin last on the long distant road, through the lost mountains endless so far away from hoooooo- oh, you said thunderstorm.
T o r m e n t u m -> Pronounce each letter individually for desired effect.
The G0dfathers -> /me thought there was only one.
The Kadeshi -> holy shit, there is no way these guys can possibly effing lose.
THE R0NIN ->typ1ng a z3r0 1n 0u4 n4m3 m4k3s u5 l00k c00l.
THE SPACE P0LICE -> n0 w3 r c00ler.
The Star Fraction -> “We couldn’t find an entire star”
The Tusker Bastards -> Two great jerks that taste great together? Nope, they’re still probably jerks.
The Wrong Alliance -> (more mind blowing)
Unaffiliated -> (mind blown again)
Ushra’Khan -> wardecced us about the same time AAA kicked us out of null, months ago. Resulting war was named “The IMU war”. (Infinity Miners Union)
Veni Vidi Vici -> If you already came, saw, and conquered, what are you still doing here? Go find girlfriends.
WE FORM VOLTRON -> CAPS LOCKS IS CRUSE CONTROL FOR COOL

In closing, why the heck didn’t CCRES enter?


POS Defense in Wormholes C1-6

Not so recently, CCRES came into our wormhole, noticed an orca floating in the shields, killed all our defences and reinforced our tower in case we had forgotten to put strontium in a tower in a dread-accepting enviroment.

The fact that they felt that the lack of strontium was a possibility makes me lose a little faith in the foresight of the Eve wormhole community.

Recently, I was contacted by a CCRES member who told me that they put the PoS into reinforced mostly for fun. Acting on various word cues in his description, I managed to decypher THIS message:

“Our reason was far grander than a petty Orca and what we had in the corp hangar, for the legendary tales of your pvp prowess and twisted cunning in use of cloaky ships was so utterly terrifying that we could not just close the connecting WH but attacked your tower in hopes that having their ships destroyed by your considerable defenses, THEN closing the connecting WH with what few ships remained would be the only way to appease your unquantifiable wrath. Unfortunately, the tower’s defenses had been mostly offlined and unanchored into the corp hangar due to a spy, who after his two year infiltration campaign only now had the courage to act on his orders to mildly inconvenience you, then immediately killed himself out of fear and shame. We were thus forced to put the inconvenienced tower into full reinforced, to better reflect it’s former armed glory until a point in the future where you could reanchor your powerful and majestic defenses.”

Anyway, we had the full compliment so they settled for sending us a mail essentially saying:
“Hey, we put your pos in reinforced looking for free ships, you should probably try this configuration next time”
(For those interested they recommended dickstar)

After the reinforced timer ended we repped the PoS in a rorqual, orca and a few BSs which got MUCH faster once we realized the ending of reinforced meant that we could access the cap rechargers, power relays and energy xfer arrays in the corp hangar.

Anyway, this shite got me thinking. Wormhole territory is fast becoming a shifting battlefield. PoS takedowns, once the product of Amarr BS fleets that passed out at their keyboards firing at abandoned structures, are becoming more frequent and frankly, kinda alarming. Between a friend of mine getting attacked by two dreads w/ BS support fleet, Planet Risk owning then being owned by R&K, and CCRES’s “Stront check” of our PoS, I’d like to give an overview of PoS defense in a wormhole:

You’re screwed.

Here’s a little more detailed and less cynical view:

C1:
Size restrictions allow only battlecruiser hulls or smaller, but know that haulers, which can hold cap parts, large towers, fuel, x-large ship assembly arrays and everything else required to build a dread to kill your PoSes, can.
Recommended defenses:
Small guns, some medium guns anchored but not online. BC hulls or smaller usually means your only attackers will have poor dps, so hardeners are recommended. By the time they’ve built a dread you should already be gone >.>

C2-C3
Battleships are allowed in here, good for sites, bad when someone hates you, has a route to you and has a BS fleet handy can be a significant threat to your well-being. Build a carrier and rent/own/know someone who has a carrier pilot handy to scare off/murder/ambush attackers.
C4-C6
Carriers are “allowed” to jump in here, hence you should be prepared. Don’t ask me how, we still haven’t come up with a a counter to a carrier/dread with support fleet.

Essentially, the deeper you go, the more likley you are to be screwed, because the less time attackers have to invest in beating you into the ground. A battlecruiser takedown of a PoS is torture, a BS takedown isn’t much fun, and a dread-assisted takedown is about less than an hour, so an attacker’s time invested in making your life a living hell is much less than what it took for you to get two capitals, orcas, and the other thirty ships you’ve amassed over several months into the wormhole.

Point is, if someone wants you out of a specific hole, they can motivate you to get out. If you fit guns, they’ll wait for your offtime and have RR gangs. If you fit ECM, they’ll bring a dread and sensor boosters. If you go full hardeners, they’ll bring a dread again. If you find the most amazing awesome pos configuration ever, they’ll just starve you of fuel. They can activate all your sites with a scan ship every morning, camp your static, build a dread, any number of things in mind to make you think “boy, I wish they weren’t here or I wasn’t here”. The best defence, IMO, is two fold:

The first and more reasonable method is to have several friends and/or piles of isk to hire several friends. Eve is a spreadsheet game, but is refreshingly simple in combat calculations, which usually amount to “Whoever has the most experienced friends wins”.

The method that, us lacking large groups of friends and a general sense of comradery, is to be ready to be gone. Write the PoS off as already dead, and have the expensive gear in capital ships/industrials. When, not if, WHEN you get attacked by a superior force move to a deep safe you’ve created before deep safes were nerfed(before May 18), and/or make a safe in system and logoff in it. Then, scan your static, which, since you’ve been preparing for this exact situation for a while, goes to a C4 or higher WH and will close exactly after you pass your entire operation through it, once it’s been shoved into cap ships/orcas. If said static has a static C4 or higher, move in, setup the backup pos and either rebuild there or go through the next static.

The third method, that dedicated people of eve will probably do, and do better than me, is to want the hole more. Have an Orca/carrier cloak in system w/ lots of SB hulls, scan ships hulls, and fits. Get 5-10 people in. Proceed to activate every site after downtime, bomb the static periodically and generally make whoever tried to take your hole/lives in the hole you want wish they’d never heard of a local-lacking environment. Take 200 combat scan probes, launch seven, cloak. Repeat every 2 hours or so. Eventually, they will leave. Wait a week. If they come back, do it all again, if they don’t, setup a small pos and put a maint array/hangar in it. Have one big ship and one small ship for each pilot. Pilots logoff in big ships w/ scan ships/SBs in orca and CHEAP haulers/other ships in the small tower’s maint array. Don’t bother putting anything in the small tower’s corp hangar, as anyone who finds it will try to put it into reinforced, making removal of the stuff difficult. Don’t worry about defenses, again, if someone wants the tower dead, it’s dead. Make sure to have stront, and if the dudes come back lookin for trouble, unanchor the pos (using a cheap hauler w/ SB support), stuff it in the Orca and go back to step one. Repeat as necessary until they stop coming back and you feel safe enough to anchor a large pos and/or keep living out of orcas/capitals. Use any spare orcas/carriers to collapse the static at inoppertune times, and restock your equipment (using cheap haulers) at 5 am their time and/or downtime. Bubble the static and cloak SBs nearby.

People attack your wormhole because they’ve either been hired to do it, they want your sites, or they’re just bored. The bored will leave, the hired will eventually stop working for the hirer, and the people that want your sites won’t get your sites because you activated all the sites every downtime. An Orca, a few scan ships and SBs w/ fits is not expensive at all compared to WH sites, so you can make their lives irritating w/ very little expense on your end. The person who wins will eventually either be the person/people who get bored first. Or, someone runs out of money. Who’s gonna run out of money first, the people w/ covops cloaks or the people who can’t cloak while they fight sleepers or mine?


The not-so-great deep safe analysis.

Before I start, if anyone reading this sees TeaDaze, tell him I said “I told you so”.

Early on, when we were still drafting plans for mining in the static C5, one of the major problems was that hauling the ore through the connecting WH would slowly whittle down the mass to the point that we might not be able to fit the Hulks, Orca, ectera back through, condeming them to a lifetime of trying to build a scan probe launcher out of spare parts, and when that failed, crashing each ship into a separate planet and re-creating civilization, prospering on individual planets until inter-planet contact is established, at which point a war is sparked. This commits each population to the destruction of the other, draining each planet of resources to construct vessels of war, which are launched into space only to be loaded onto my Orca, and shipped to Jita while holoreels of old spaceship battles are shipped back to the population, with all news networks carefully manipulated to keep the war going indefinitely…..

Wait, sorry, that’s my Tyrannis plan. Anyway, an alternate solution of making a deep, deep safespot and having the rorqual compress ore on site in safety was one of our “really good ideas”, which, unfortunately, will soon be impossible since to the disabling of said exploit, which is at the top of CCP’s “fix now” list, instead of some other things that I remember being upset about but apparently I’m not passionate enough about to remember. The one legitimate reason for nerfing deep safes I’ve heard so far are some people in null are putting their Dominion shoot-me-to-take-system thingys way out there making warping to them difficult. Oh, and it’s an exploit.

The more enjoyable explanation, in my opinion, is that CCP is trying to discourage blob warfare by making it unfeasible from a lag standpoint, encouraging hit-and-run groups attacking several strategic areas instead of 300 man cap fleets eliminating everything so fast they redefine the word “superior firepower”. But hey, that’s just the ramblings of someone who thinks a bit too much into these things.

The 20 AU limit seems fair, as the only non-exploiting way to get that far now is flying an interceptor in the preferred direction for several years, the major point being that there is no longer anywhere convenient to stuff a large cap fleet while their grid loads. See aforementioned conspiracy theory.

Anyway, cataclysmic variable did a much more serious analysis, but I disagree on his conclusion that “We have the power to change this game”.

The end result, deep safes unusable, is still going to happen. We’ve managed to achieve “we’ll move the ships” instead of “we’ll blow up the ships”, but there is still no-where to park a supercapital and there still will be no way to exit out mid-warp when you realize you’re warping into a gatecamp/death. You can say “we changed things”, but really, what’s different? The five people who quit Eve while in a safespot and didn’t leave any contact information with friends lose a ship that they apparently don’t care about.

It will still be impossible to fight on a grandiose scale without lag occurring, and now grid loading issues will be crippling because when a cyno is lit in a system with a defending fleet, the defending fleet will warp to that cyno, the attacking fleet will have grid load issues, ectera.

So, the three options are either have the attacking fleet in system BEFORE the defending fleet, or attack several points at once, or don’t use blobs. See CCP Conspiracy theory. Also, it’s probably worth noting that on all the forum’s I’ve read, the devs only respond to questions not including the phrase “Fix the lag before you fix deep safes”. COINCIDENCE?

Also, CCP has THREE letters, but only TWO Cs. COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!

The Icelandic volcano has shut down European air travel the same day deep safe nerfs were announced. COINCIDENCE?

I’m hungry, so I shall go make a sandwich. COINCIDENCE?