Unfortunately, this week and the next is my finals week(s?), which will ultimately decide how I live the rest of my life. So, in the interests of not living the rest of my live raving under a bridge about internet spaceships for spare change, I’ve not played much Eve this week or the last two. Consequently, I haven’t been able to write anything funny because I didn’t DO anything funny. So, instead of making a post about not making a post and possibly getting into an argument with myself, here’s my thoughts on the alliance tourney participants:
Against ALL Authorities -> chased us out of my first nullsec experience
Agony Empire -> Teachers of shooting, expect “just got schooled” and such from the official commentators.
Arbeitaholics Anonymous -> Why someone would combine the german word for “work” with “ahoics Anonymous” escapes me.
Atlas Alliance ->We rent from them, but still can’t use the JB network and NOIR is currently on contract to “irritate/annoy atlas renters”. Thanks guys!
B A N E -> Batman villian: This time he’s serious.
Beyond Virginity -> I was not aware Virginity was something you could go beyond…seemed more like a yes/no type o thing.
BricK sQuAD. -> “mY dAmN shIft kEY iS bUggeD MaybE soMeonE eLSe SHoUld MAke thE ALliaNce” “Naw man, it was your idea, you should do it!”
Circle-Of-Two -> Have you guys ever tried to define a circle using only two points? It’s harder than it sounds, I keep ending up with ovals.
Cry Havoc. -> sorry guys, it’s spelled with two “a”s and a zero.
Curatores Veritatis Alliance -> Who?
DarkSide. -> of the moooooonn!
Dead Terrorists -> Killed me in an itty V in a lowsec gatecamp and taught me a valuable lesson about hauling fully fit scan ships in cargo instead of just flying the damn things. Also how stupid the idea of tanking a hauler is.
death from above.. -> Much easier to scream than “Death from the side” or “Death from the north!”
Dystopia Alliance -> I take it you’ll be flying minnie?
Electric Monkey Overlords -> In recent studies, monkeys are horrible at Eve and even worse while being submitted to electroshock therapy.
Electus Matari -> First thought: blue chick from Avatar. Second thought: Pokemon.
Erebus Alliance -> Should do much better than Velator Alliance, the commentator favorite of AT0.5
Eve Engineering -> We built this spaceship….. We built this spaceship on poooods and troooolls!
Get Off My Lawn -> Wait wait, don’t tell me, you guys….freighter service? You couldn’t possibly be another nullsec alliance touchy about holding space with a name like that.
GoonSwarm -> by Goonswarm do you mean the one dude with the dread fleet or the alliance who’d really rather that the dude give the dreads back?
Honourable Templum of Alcedonia -> Atlas renters. They’d better be careful if they end up against Atlas >.>
HUN Reloaded -> “Attila: This time he’s pissed off!”
Huzzah Federation -> A federation based off a cheer cannot possibly fail. It’s a rule.
HYDRA RELOADED -> Soon to be seen in the upcoming sequel crossover: “Attila Vs the greek myths. Part two”
Important Internet Spaceship League -> The Unimportant Farmers Tractor League sadly did not qualify this year for various reasons.
Indecisive Certainty -> You just blew, like, my MIND man.
Interstellar Alcohol Conglomerate -> Now thatsh a Conglomerat that I can reshpect!
Intrepid Crossing -> like Washington and the Delaware, only it’s internet spaceships, they arn’t crossing anything and there is no boat to speak of. Informative!
Ivy League -> I will respect both you and Agony infinitley if, if you guys end up against eachother, you both all fly noobships.
Leguinea Romana -> Was there ever a Rome in eve-canon?
Majesta Empire -> Up next in opera:
Manifest Destiny. -> Pah, you north coalition guys think you’re so hot, but all this time you couldn’t even take Venal? Tisk tisk.
Monks of War. -> Think of a monk with a rife. Yeah, my brain disconnected too.
Morsus Mihi -> Don’t think no-one sees you moving into Mostly Harmless space. Coalition my left foot!
Mos Vape Heavy Industries ->Sorry guys, you’re not allowed to setup a PoS and build more ships on the battlefield.
Negative Ten. -> “Because we didn’t really like moving around without being shot at anyway”
Noir. Mercenary Group -> So when AT8 starts you’ll stop camping our system in SBs?
Old Intentions -> Intentions do not, in fact, get better with age. Have fun petitioning CCP to let you put up player-owned stations or whatever the heck your intentions were years ago.
OWN Alliance -> Because you’d feel pretty silly entering “THEIRS Alliance” in a tourney.
Paisti Syndicate -> Misspelling of “pastry”?
Panda Team -> Because “Team Aardvark” wasn’t funny enough?
Pandemic Legion -> Previous winners (yay!) who seem to have members going around exploiting local (boo!)
Perihelion Alliance -> name too hard to pronounce, didn’t read.
Pitch Black Legion -> no matter what subsystems you fit to a legion, it will never be black. Sorry to dissapoint you guys.
Plutonix -> Named after a rock that recently lost it’s planet license.
RAZOR Alliance -> “Really Awesome Zorz Omg Really. Alliance.
RED.OVERLORD -> “Guys, my space and shift keys are stuck” “Just use the period, no-one’ll notice”
Rote Kapelle -> Red Orchestra. Awesome, I love orchestral music.
Silver Twilight Enterprises -> Has anyone ever tried to make twilight silver? It is much harder than it looks.
Snatch Victory -> Again, expect “snatched victory” jokes from commentators
SOLAR FLEET -> Defeating you with the power of clean efficient victory!
Soldiers of Thunderstorm -> Burnin fast, burnin last on the long distant road, through the lost mountains endless so far away from hoooooo- oh, you said thunderstorm.
T o r m e n t u m -> Pronounce each letter individually for desired effect.
The G0dfathers -> /me thought there was only one.
The Kadeshi -> holy shit, there is no way these guys can possibly effing lose.
THE R0NIN ->typ1ng a z3r0 1n 0u4 n4m3 m4k3s u5 l00k c00l.
THE SPACE P0LICE -> n0 w3 r c00ler.
The Star Fraction -> “We couldn’t find an entire star”
The Tusker Bastards -> Two great jerks that taste great together? Nope, they’re still probably jerks.
The Wrong Alliance -> (more mind blowing)
Unaffiliated -> (mind blown again)
Ushra’Khan -> wardecced us about the same time AAA kicked us out of null, months ago. Resulting war was named “The IMU war”. (Infinity Miners Union)
Veni Vidi Vici -> If you already came, saw, and conquered, what are you still doing here? Go find girlfriends.
WE FORM VOLTRON -> CAPS LOCKS IS CRUSE CONTROL FOR COOL
In closing, why the heck didn’t CCRES enter?