Warning: contains small amounts of miner whine. Drink responsibly.

So, apparently Hulkageddon II or whatever started today, or yesterday, depending on what time zone you live in, what time zone it was based off, I really wasn’t paying much attention.

Sometimes, I really like mining in WH space. Sure, someone could kill you at any moment, but the chance of it happening is much, much less than two dudes drunk in catalysts alpha striking your ass back down to covetor, financially, while giving them enough ISK from insurance and your modulated strips to do it all again to the point of organizing a contest based around screwing dudes over.

So, some dude said one day “Hey, let’s make other people’s lives miserable and hide it behind a facade of killing macrominers, requesting that the insurance system be fixed, and the words ‘arr’ and ‘allah ackbar'”. And apparently, all the people who joined him on this had so much fun that they said they should have a second one. Which they did. And then they kicked a puppy to get the puppy to whimper at them while they kicked his puppy friends too.

I know that mining barges, are, by design if not name, mining ships. I know that since they far outstrip(Pun intended) all other ships in terms of sheer minage ability. But does that really mandate a complete lack of defensive abilities and less offensive capacity than a tech one frigate?

A hulk has, base, approximately 7k EHP. You can tank that to the point that it can hold against most nullsec rats without much expense or spend a hellovalot and get it to tank all nullsec rats, but you won’t because the only reason you’d do that is if you either didn’t have a combat ship in the null system or you wanted to AFK in nullsec, two choices that would immediately drop-kick you back to a starting systems.

I know that I’m not the first person to whine about this, but when I get warp scrambled in a hulk, I take my hands off the keyboard. There is absolutely nothing I can do, offensive or defensive, that will prolong the combat enough for anyone friendly to step in and save me. Attempts at fitting an ECM hulk have gone horribly, since the ONE situation where I was in a situation where a hulk was being tackled, I locked the offending Loki, engaged the ECM and watched as absolutely nothing happened.

The concept of a Hulk is, bluntly, a ship that’s slow as hell, tankless as hell, unoffensive as hell, slow to align as hell, with basically every possible stat set to the lowest and boosting mining ability to the very highest.

Am I crazy, or does anyone else think that a Hulk, currently a 190 mil ship, shouldnt be able to be killed for under a mil, reward the killer with 7 mil, on average, worth of modules and payout 4-10 mil, depending on insurance, to the killed?

I mean, hell, letting strip miners do some damage would mollify me. It wouldn’t have to be much damage, just enough for me to think “HA, I can hurt you a little before I explode” instead of “Oh, I’m scrammed. Time to make a sandwich”.

I realize that I’ve kinda shot myself in the foot for almost ignoring the hulk’s dronebay, but when was the last time you felt threatened by five hobgoblins?

Alright, that would be a bit threatening…. Checking EFT, five hobgoblin IIs is…85 dps for me. So, in the fifteen seconds it takes to kill me, I can seriously threaten anyone with 1240 EHP or less. Boo.

Also, I’m sure this question has been asked and answered, but why kill miners? Be forewarned, any answer that sounds like “FOR MINER TEARS LIKE THIS ONE YUM YUM SLURP SLURP” or similar will be met with extended metaphors talking about kicking a puppy to listen to the whines. Dude, why would you kick a puppy? Unless it was a pomeranian one. That, I could sympathize with. For the non-dog-fanatics, Pomeranians are the small yappy dogs that are balls of fur with a face, bred for long, silky hair and a tendency to bark at anything percieved as a threat. Which is everything. Which gets EXTREMLY annoying when you’re the neighbor of someone with not one, but two Palmeranians that won’t shut up at one in the morning.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, we just got the first snow of the season so I shall be trying to carve a snow-hulk.

Edit: first attempt went horribly, as did later attempts to make a snow-capsule.