It seemed like a really good idea at the time

You know me, I like making people laugh. As such, April Fools day is my unofficial holiday, where each year I pull some elaborate heist over a nearby friend, making an extremely trivial change that is extremely difficult to do, like swapping my friend’s car from one side of the street to the other while he sleeps.

This year, I turned my brain towards a simple, yet massive prank: In between the hours of midnight and five AM, I was going to move the WH PoS one moon to the left, then, send a corp mail saying “har har i wuz spy and stole your iskies”.

Plans were made. I wrote the letter, made safespots to hold the ships and cargo, and sat patiently and waited for the day of reckoning. Part A of the plan was to move all the ships, using the Orca or my handy ship command skills to move the ships, then the cargo, to the safe, which was about 15 AU off grid. Part B was to use a blockade runner to unanchor the guns, then the empty corp hangar, then the PoS, re-anchoring it one moon to the left, anchor corp hangar n such, guns, send the mail and go off to sleep. Predictably, things started to go horribly, horribly wrong around Part A and continued to fail explosively for the rest of the night.

At midnight, the American players in corp had gone to bed and the UK ones were not scheduled to wake up for another five hours, I started unanchoring the spare corp hangar while moving the ships from the maint bay to the safespot. I managed most of the hulks, all the Gallente ships and all other ships that would fit into the maint bay of my Orca. Then, the first problem of the night struck.

Raath (maker of staticmapper.com, for all your WH static needs), had recently purchased a Falcon, intended for use in all things jamming and currently floating in space next to the maint bay. This would normally not present a problem, since the falcon fits in the Orca’s maint bay, but he had left a module in it. For the uninformed, when a ship has a module in it it can’t be stuffed into a maintenence bay on another ship, and since I hadn’t taken the five week training session on “how to fly Caldari t2 cruisers”, the ship was going nowhere.

While I was perfectly willing to leave Raath’s Typhoon (Minmatar Battleship) floating in empty space for about twelve hours, a 100 mil Falcon hull was an entirely different story. To leave the Falcon safe, I made a a plan to scan an exit, get a small tower in with an alt, have the alt put up the tower where the old tower was in the name of the altcorp while I put up the Caldari large tower on the one moon to the left.

I start scanning, find a C5, which goes to a C6.

Russians.

To make matters worse, Russians with two carriers, two dreads and various tech 2 ships, including a Vulture (Caldari Command Ship), a ship whose skill training time is just under a third of a year.

To make matters even worse, ships were appearing and vanishing along with capsules, so they were active. I drop sister probes, do a 32 AU scan and recall probes. two sigs in system, I look at the size of the red sphere, look at the planets that it encapsulates, pick one on the edge, and warp to it, drop probes again, scan, wormhole.

Mindful of the fact that if WE saw scan probes in system, we would immediately close the connecting WH.

I pop into their static and look around. Static C4, end of lifetime, which means that I can’t risk getting an alt and tower in. I speed back through to our C6, get the Orca (250,000,000 kg) and a calculator, and pass BS and Orca through until the WH goes critical.

Making the first smart choice all night, instead of blindly passing the Orca through, I move my scan alt into the connecting WH, then jump the Orca through. Then watch, as the WH closes, leaving all of my alts on the wrong side of the WH, and no-one but me has the BM for where the ships are.

I web the orca through the Russian C6 (noticing scan probes as I do so), flee through the end of lifetime C4 link and logoff he Orca, then start scanning the 35 sig system. Literally, the last sig is the WH, C2, highsec static, Orca gets out, Covops out.

After a string of cursing, I tear through the Russian WH and wake up a corp mate. The corpmate, who logs in his Myrmidon (Gallente Battlecruiser), says that he needs combat probes to scan out the 1.5 bil pile of ships.

[ 2010.04.01 06:00:16 ] haav0c > corpmate…
[ 2010.04.01 06:00:18 ] haav0c > you busy?
[ 2010.04.01 06:00:25 ] haav0c > we’ve got a bit of a problem.
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:12 ] haav0c > and by “bit”
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:14 ] haav0c > i mean.
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:17 ] Corpmate > whats up?
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:21 ] haav0c > well
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:25 ] haav0c > say, hypothetically.
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:31 ] Corpmate > uh oh
[ 2010.04.01 06:04:35 ] haav0c > a dude made a plan for an april fools joke.
[ 2010.04.01 06:05:31 ] Corpmate > wait….it’s past midnight there already
[ 2010.04.01 06:05:37 ] Corpmate > im not falling for this
[ 2010.04.01 06:05:52 ] haav0c > >.>
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:02 ] haav0c > let’s also say that he’s been moving ships for the last hour
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:09 ] haav0c > and ran into a little snag
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:15 ] haav0c > that raath’s shiny new falcon
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:25 ] haav0c > had shit in the cargo
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:32 ] Corpmate > :(
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:42 ] haav0c > and he wasn’t about to leave a shiny falcon floating at the old pos, so he started scanning.
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:46 ] haav0c > and found russians.
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:49 ] haav0c > active russians.
[ 2010.04.01 06:06:58 ] haav0c > so he tried to close the WH by himself.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:02 ] haav0c > hypothetically.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:19 ] haav0c > and let’s also say, hypothetifuckingcally.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:28 ] Corpmate > and did this dude hypothetically lose an orca?
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:32 ] haav0c > that he is currently in an occupied system
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:37 ] haav0c > with no link to our wh
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:42 ] haav0c > and the orca logoffskied.
[ 2010.04.01 06:07:56 ] Corpmate > lololol
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:08 ] Corpmate > so ur in a russian occupied system in an orca?
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:16 ] haav0c > no, that was two WHs ago
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:25 ] haav0c > we’re safe from the russians.
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:28 ] haav0c > but…
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:42 ] haav0c > most if not all of our shit is currently floating in a safespot
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:48 ] haav0c > to which only i have the BM.
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:48 ] Corpmate > do orcas have scanners fit?
[ 2010.04.01 06:08:50 ] haav0c > no.
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:05 ] haav0c > but that’s irrelevent
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:13 ] haav0c > because i’m in a covops with the fucking orca
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:20 ] Corpmate > dude…i can’t fly most of the ships
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:23 ] haav0c > exactly.
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:32 ] haav0c > so, what i’d really, really appreciate right now
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:51 ] Corpmate > u need me to scan out the safe spot?
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:55 ] haav0c > is you scanning a route while i try to get out of WH space with the orca intact, get back into WH space and clean this shit up.
[ 2010.04.01 06:09:56 ] Corpmate > and put a bm in the can?
[ 2010.04.01 06:10:24 ] Corpmate > omg
[ 2010.04.01 06:10:33 ] Corpmate > /emote /facepalms
[ 2010.04.01 06:11:18 ] haav0c > raath and blake can…probably clean the shit up
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:13 ] haav0c > it’s…
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:16 ] haav0c > kinda southey
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:21 ] haav0c > well
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:29 ] Corpmate > about how far away?
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:30 ] haav0c > it’s not too far off the center of the system
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:33 ] haav0c > umm
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:35 ] haav0c > 10 au
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:39 ] haav0c > maybe 16
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:48 ] Corpmate > so, not a very safe spot… ….
[ 2010.04.01 06:12:50 ] haav0c > no.
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:01 ] haav0c > i kinda figured that i’d be fucking done by now.
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:04 ] Corpmate > how many ships are there?
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:12 ] haav0c > bout…ten
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:17 ] Corpmate > what kind?
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:25 ] haav0c > itty Vs, domi
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:26 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:28 ] haav0c > the hulks.
[ 2010.04.01 06:13:33 ] Corpmate > i can fly both of those
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:03 ] Corpmate > and how was this supposed to be an april fools joke? im not getting that part.
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:20 ] haav0c > included in this package was a leter saying
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:30 ] haav0c > “haha i was a spy all along i’ve taken everything”
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:39 ] Corpmate > hahahah…ic
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:56 ] haav0c > and the joke was that the pos was moved one moon to the left >.>
[ 2010.04.01 06:14:59 ] haav0c > instead of being taken.
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:08 ] haav0c > i planned this shit for months, man.
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:11 ] Corpmate > what? u moved the pos?
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:13 ] haav0c > no
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:17 ] Corpmate > thank god
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:18 ] haav0c > that was part C
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:27 ] haav0c > this right here is part A crashing and burning.
[ 2010.04.01 06:15:53 ] Corpmate > im not sure i have combat probes in my ship…so that’s a relief….hope we have some in the cargo bays
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:05 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:11 ] haav0c > the cargo bays…
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:16 ] haav0c > that i put in the ittys?
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:22 ] Corpmate > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:26 ] haav0c > ho boy.
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:45 ] Corpmate > so…what is left at the POS?
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:50 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.04.01 06:16:57 ] haav0c > breaath mint and the ore.
[ 2010.04.01 06:17:10 ] Corpmate > roflmao


Thankfully, someone with more foresight than me had put combat probes in the “we’re screwed” container, which I had somehow missed in my initial “move everything to the safe” stage. He finds the ships, gets them back to the PoS, and we all log at about…five in the morning.



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Operation Passive Income update.

For those of you watching the market on reactions, you all know that it’s wobbly as hell right now. For those who don’t, fullerides, my reaction of choice, has crashed, burned, died, been buried, exhumed, used as draino and forgotten in an unmarked septic tank. And by that I mean it dropped from 1600 per unit to 800 per unit, breaking my expected profit over its knee.

So, having moved to a significantly more stable reactant, things have been going well. Said reactant uses much less isk in moon goo per hour, so I can haul around weeks of reaction inputs without fear. Course, I can now haul everything without fear up to a bil thanks to “Krayt Dragon Bait”:

Awesome freighter, my origonal plan to keep her in the newbie corp disintigrated when I initiated warp to a gate, had a pleasant conversation, made a sandwich, met a girl, took a sailing trip around the world, lived life as I wanted and met death as an old friend as I entered warp. So, now she’s in my altcorp so I can web through the 40j round trips my exits tend to be.

On that note:

Awwww yeah.

Anyway, since I’ve talked to a few people who have fallen right off my “How rich are you” scale, loaning me bils and saying “pay it back whenever, with however much you think is reasonable, yes, of course I trust you, it’s only a bil or two”, my PoS fields have expanded to eight, soon upgrading to ten.

No, I’m not giving you their names.

http://www.staticmapper.com (shameless link again) has been invaluable for me to determine who or what’s in my hole: If there are two jumps, I’ve usually got a k162, if there are ten jumps and sleeper kills, someone did my sites while I was asleep, and if there are 40 jumps, then a null WH opened and they used my hole as a shortcut >.>

Essentially, if I don’t activate my static wormhole I see little to no traffic, but when I do open the wormhole, traffic comes in, tries to run a site, messes up a spawn and leaves after killing one sleeper.

For fear and intimidation purposes, I’ve anchored a large ship assembly array and called it “wut r siz restrictionz lulz?” For those who don’t get the joke, the array will let me build battleships in an area that does not allow battleships to enter usually, giving me a leg up on any would-be attackers.

Having eight poses has opened up an opportunity for me, and by that I’m not referring to using Nightmares as a throwaway ship; I mean spelling out amusing words and phrases with my towers :P

So far, I’ve tried Princess Bride quotes, Monty Python quotes, and various other humerous suggestions by my friends and/or people waiting for a sliver of an opportunity to back-stab me ad take all that I have. The crowning suggestion has been, so far:

For those who, again, don’t get the joke, it’s fairly funny :P


No Country For Old Men

He seems like a nice man.

It was a harrowing end of the week.

I awoke Friday morning to an email to the effect of:

The POS has been attacked, and is sitting in reinforced. Somebody said they have a plan?

As it so often happens, the full story is slightly more complex, but only slightly. While pulling some ore from one of our remaining grav sites, a couple of our miners had gotten surprised by a handful of hostiles. Both were melted pretty quickly and sent packing back to empire by way of a swift podding. The band of hostiles, who had entered the system though a new K162, proceeded then to our POS and after about 3 hours, sent it into reinforced mode.

Getting two pilots killed certainly left us down in terms of raw staff manning the WH, and at present I’m certainly not flying anything with firepower enough to repel anything save a starter frigate. We had no real eyes on the system, although the senior pilots had moved some of their ships to safe areas and logged the characters off. Blake and I, both still at work, started to muse about our possibilities via gChat. We decided that there were only a handful of viable scenarios.

Read the rest of this entry »


Intro To WSpace 101 (And Myself)

Well, it certainly has been an interesting couple of weeks for me in regards to online gaming.

Ahem, right. First things first. My name is JB, and I am a recent transplant into our humble corporation. To continue:

Yeah, that's the stuff.

I was, in the past, a huge PC gamer. I’m going to unfortunately date myself somewhat here, but my gaming beginnings as a kid (on the PC anyway, my console beginnings were on the old Atari 2600) were back in the Doom era, which I ran (a relative term) on a 33Mhz 486SX with a 4Mb RAM upgrade. It came with 2Mb. And I believe a 54Mb hard drive that chattered like a pair of wind up teeth when in use. A lovely 5.25″ drive (for which disks seemed to always be corrupt) and a 3.5″ drive rounded out the presentation, along with a blaring (certainly not blazing) 2800 baud modem and Prodigy pre-installed. Did I mention it was a Packard Bell?

I’ve always had an affinity for the science fiction genre, both in and outside of gaming. StarControl II was an obsession early on, moving to X-Wing, then TIE Fighter, Privateer, Wing Commander, and finally Freespace, where the spaceship-shooting-an-invading-force-in-the-face-repeatedly genre seemed to die. There, of course, has been Egosoft’s X series, with its fun(?) interface as well as hours and hours of repeated poor battle mechanics. But, as I’ve aged, I have, like the opposite of any good cheese, gotten mellower. The concept of a game where I could hop on for a few hours, do something that felt like useful progress, hop off, and not be too terribly concerned with it appealed to me. So, last year I tried EVE. Read the rest of this entry »


I think I’m playing the wrong game.

I’ve taken a look around, at other blog posts and players all bragging about corp theft, ninja salvaging, looting and ganking. I then looked at my kill statistics (0 kills 54 losses). Then back at everything else. Then back at my losses (2 bil in assets lost).

I’m starting to get the feeling that I’m too damn nice. A few weeks ago, I’m running a site in my C1, in my trusty passive drake. A hurricane opens fire on me with a SB supporting. Knowing that there’s no way I’ll get the hurricane (probably pvp specced) down, I open fire on the SB and get it down to structure before it warps out. Drake explodes, pod to pos. Wait an hour, get out, get a new drake, refit, get back into PoS.

A few hours later a dude, from the same corp that killed me, asks in local for an exit. At this point, the general idea of Eve would be to get him to warp into a bubble w/ my drake and blast him to bits with extreme vindication. I fleet with him and warp him to my highsec exit and wish him a nice day.

I can just HEAR my collective audience sighing right now.

Similarly, we’re in the C6 running ore out through a 5 WH route to highsec when we spot a raven on directional. Combat ships, start scanning for him. I open a convo and offer him an exit after we finish the ore. Which we give him, no charge or anything.

A week ago, I’m scanning a route. I pin our static, warp to it, cloak, get involved with an argument with Blake that lasts half an hour. WH flash. Sentinel uncloaks on WH and launches probes. I convo him, he’s lost and has been trying to find an exit from W-space for a week, but is convinced that our WH, despite him coming through the static, has another WH in it.

I remind all of you that this is a C6, the deepest possible WH that no-one should come into by accident. The wormhole info says “deadly”, for crying out loud!

I go into the WH that he’s just come out of and scan a lowsec WH in under five minutes, warp him to it, then collapse our static just in case he was actually an attacker.

Yesterday, we’re just chillin.
OMG SISTER COMBAT PROBES
No longer chilling.
The other person online at the time goes offline for reasons that definitely weren’t fear and terror, and I wait, for an hour, watching the directional to see what happens.

The scan probes stay on directional… and stay there…. So, either the user has forgotten he’s launched them or one of our six signatures is giving a horrible time. Eventually, I ask in local

haav -> Dude, you’ve had probes out for the last hour and a half, wth?
dude -> sorry i lost

Another dude…lost… I find him an exit.

Anyrate, here’s the crowning moment of my stupidity:

We’ve got like a day or two of nitrogen isotopes left. I’m scanning a route, it’s about ten at night. After three WHs, I get a C4.

Twenty five sigs.

After scanning twenty-three signetures, I find a WH. Joy upon joys, it goes to a C4. Pop through, wrecks on the directional. I warp to the anomalies, fourth one has wrecks in it, meaning that someone was JUST there killing and is getting his salvage alt, probably.

Conscious of the fact that any person running C4s has several friends, I log my alt on, shove her in a tristan w/ an AB fitted, warp her through the route and start looting, approaching wrecks, selecting a planet and hovering over the “warp to” button. Eight wrecks, my parinoa overwhelms me at about the same time I finish the last wreck within 34km. Not pushing my luck, I engage warp. As I warp out, a tengu lands on grid. Typing “I regret nothing” in local, I jump through the WH I came through in both ships, and burn space-rubber back towards home.

I get through about… three wormholes before this train of through hits me:
“This is about 6-8 mil of salvage”
“This is a trivial amount for me”
“I’m planning on running C4 anomalies”
“I’d hate it if this happened to me”

Guilt hits me, I transfer the stolen lewt to the buzzard, tristan back to pos, buzzard back to the C4. I warp to the anomaly within 100km, the tengu is sitting there, 70km away from me. I apologize in local, jettison a can w/ the stuff and start warping off.

He gets two salvos off on my buzzard and drops me to armor before I warp out. As I warp to the wormhole, he types in local:

“wardec inc TBH”

I jump through the WH, burn home, and open convo w/ the dude.

[ 2010.03.08 02:28:39 ] haav0c > so you’re wardeccing us because i jetted some of your lewts 70km away?
[ 2010.03.08 02:29:07 ] haav0c > i mean christ, man, i gave the shit back.
[ 2010.03.08 02:29:24 ] haav0c > what would you have done if i had kept it? double wardecced us?
[ 2010.03.08 02:30:42 ] Baillif > ya see the fun thing about wh corps is
[ 2010.03.08 02:30:47 ] Baillif > people will give up your locations
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:00 ] Baillif > in this case its a fair bit easier since i already have a cov ops in your hole
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:05 ] Baillif > so i dont have to spend isk
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:19 ] Baillif > we already know c4

I think he’s referring to the C4 I was scanning in. Or maybe the second C4. idk.

[ 2010.03.08 02:31:26 ] haav0c > erm.
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:40 ] Baillif > or maybe not another one in there
[ 2010.03.08 02:31:44 ] Baillif > no matter we will find that one too
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:14 ] haav0c > and you’re gonna go to all this over…2 mil of salvage?
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:22 ] haav0c > which I gave back?
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:28 ] Baillif > well we enjoy killing anyway
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:32 ] haav0c > alright.
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:44 ] Baillif > doubly so since we are irritated
[ 2010.03.08 02:32:45 ] haav0c > so this is the typical “we’ll kill you on sight” mentality?
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:07 ] Baillif > something like that
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:15 ] haav0c > so…typical WH attitude?
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:21 ] Baillif > pretty much
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:24 ] haav0c > good to know we’re on the same page.
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:43 ] haav0c > have fun w/ the 33 sig C4.
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:52 ] haav0c > http://www.staticmapper.com may help.

Insert shameless plug here.

[ 2010.03.08 02:33:54 ] Baillif > wh sigs are big
[ 2010.03.08 02:33:57 ] Baillif > specially k162s
[ 2010.03.08 02:34:05 ] haav0c > mmhm.
[ 2010.03.08 02:34:45 ] haav0c > how big are they once you pass a carrier or two through?
[ 2010.03.08 02:35:16 ] Baillif > why would you go and do a thing like that
[ 2010.03.08 02:35:35 ] haav0c > because you scare the hell outta me?
[ 2010.03.08 02:35:53 ] haav0c > no more than any other person who’s opened fire on me, admitted.
[ 2010.03.08 02:36:29 ] Baillif > regrettably you were not within precision missile range
[ 2010.03.08 02:36:44 ] haav0c > could you have switched in time?
[ 2010.03.08 02:37:03 ] Baillif > if you were in precision range you wouldnt have been leaving for other reasons
[ 2010.03.08 02:37:09 ] Baillif > so yeah
[ 2010.03.08 02:37:27 ] haav0c > yup.
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:08 ] Baillif > admittedly that was the most hilarious thing another corp has done in a while
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:09 ] haav0c > well, next time i give shit back i won’t stop to abandon the can XD
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:16 ] haav0c > i try XD
[ 2010.03.08 02:38:34 ] Baillif > but i have killed for less
[ 2010.03.08 02:39:05 ] haav0c > you almost killed for just that.
[ 2010.03.08 02:39:12 ] haav0c > and i’ve died for less.
[ 2010.03.08 02:39:28 ] haav0c > wishing a nullsec fleet a “good morning” tops that list.

All the while I’m texing the carrier pilot
“Need closing power ASAP”

[ 2010.03.08 02:40:55 ] haav0c > btw, if you have any covops in our hole
[ 2010.03.08 02:41:05 ] haav0c > they have… 2 minutes tops.
[ 2010.03.08 02:41:13 ] Baillif > ill be sure to let him know
[ 2010.03.08 02:41:30 ] haav0c > there i go again, being fucking polite.
[ 2010.03.08 02:42:57 ] haav0c > well, for what it’s worth, i’m really, really sorry i delayed your isk making by all of thirty seconds.
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:04 ] haav0c > how could i have been so foolish.
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:06 ] Baillif > lol
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:26 ] Baillif > youc ould ahve at least came in combat ships and made it fun
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:38 ] Baillif > i mean what the heck is that about
[ 2010.03.08 02:43:49 ] haav0c > erm…
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:03 ] haav0c > “omg wrecks…cheap salvage boat, cheap salvage boat…”
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:20 ] haav0c > “shuttle….something w/ AB… there, tristan!”
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:49 ] Baillif > my line of thinking was more along the lines of ooh buzzard on scan get the pvp gu
[ 2010.03.08 02:44:59 ] Baillif > and pray he shows up with reinforcements
[ 2010.03.08 02:45:06 ] haav0c > lol
[ 2010.03.08 02:45:16 ] haav0c > “i don’t wanna lose my buzzard, cheap ship, cheap ship…”
[ 2010.03.08 02:45:53 ] haav0c > i’m not much of a fighter.
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:04 ] Baillif > gasser?
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:12 ] haav0c > industrialists :P
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:19 ] Baillif > ah
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:19 ] haav0c > industrialist
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:28 ] haav0c > people cover my ass and i give them iskies :P
[ 2010.03.08 02:46:44 ] haav0c > and by people i mean the thanatos closing the connecting WH.
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:19 ] Baillif > perhaps i should bring additional reinforcements
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:27 ] Baillif > you better be quick
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:30 ] Baillif > we almost have you
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:38 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.03.08 02:47:56 ] haav0c > i can say with complete honesty.
[ 2010.03.08 02:48:06 ] haav0c > if you managed to get through all five WHs.
[ 2010.03.08 02:48:11 ] haav0c > especially the one w/ 30 sigs.
[ 2010.03.08 02:48:20 ] haav0c > then you deserve to pod the crap outta us.

We close the WH. Carrier FTW

[ 2010.03.08 02:49:51 ] haav0c > and….gone.
[ 2010.03.08 02:50:21 ] Baillif > better be the truth because we are coming to verify
[ 2010.03.08 02:50:28 ] haav0c > …
[ 2010.03.08 02:50:39 ] haav0c > you’ve caught me.
[ 2010.03.08 02:51:04 ] haav0c > this has all been a ploy to distract you from scanning us, we love in a C4 and you’re in a perfect position to play havoc with us.
[ 2010.03.08 02:51:49 ] Baillif > im notthe one scanning so well yeah
[ 2010.03.08 02:53:28 ] Baillif > hes got nothing better to do
[ 2010.03.08 02:53:31 ] haav0c > egad, we never anticipated a second person involved.

[ 2010.03.08 02:56:31 ] Baillif > anyway alliances your size have highsec people thats always the case
[ 2010.03.08 02:57:11 ] Baillif > cant find an alliance full of people that can stomach whspace full time
[ 2010.03.08 02:57:23 ] haav0c > that’s great. i’ll be sure to inform all 2 of em that i’ve caused a wardec.
[ 2010.03.08 02:57:35 ] Baillif > nah dont admit it we dont want ya kicked

Lying through my teeth hoping he doesn’t dec our alliance, which we just joined and is in fact nullsec/highsec/lowsec.

[ 2010.03.08 02:59:55 ] haav0c > so, yeah, be sure to call the campain, if you start one, “we did this over 6 mil of salvage we later got back”
[ 2010.03.08 03:03:12 ] Baillif > ah so you did close it
[ 2010.03.08 03:03:14 ] Baillif > tsk tsk

[ 2010.03.08 03:21:30 ] Baillif > well honestly id have come in a ceptor had i not suspected you had backup
[ 2010.03.08 03:22:28 ] haav0c > /emote pales
[ 2010.03.08 03:22:31 ] Baillif > tengu not exactly the best ship for that job
[ 2010.03.08 03:22:52 ] haav0c > you locked me hella fast, but ya
[ 2010.03.08 03:23:40 ] Baillif > its a good boat
[ 2010.03.08 03:23:47 ] Baillif > id fight like 2-3 bs at once with it
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:29 ] haav0c > powerful ship.
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:38 ] haav0c > have you had that bug w/ the maint arary?
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:40 ] haav0c > array*
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:49 ] Baillif > yes thats why it took me a while to get out there
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:49 ] haav0c > w/ the bonus not being applied?
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:52 ] Baillif > had ot restart
[ 2010.03.08 03:24:53 ] haav0c > >. someone told me its only happening in wormhole poses
[ 2010.03.08 03:25:24 ] Baillif > but im not sure if thats true or not
[ 2010.03.08 03:25:31 ] haav0c > i’ve heard that too
[ 2010.03.08 03:25:40 ] haav0c > but that could just be cause most t3s are in whs…
[ 2010.03.08 03:26:02 ] Baillif > yeah its pretty ideal out here
[ 2010.03.08 03:26:06 ] Baillif > already killed 7 of em
[ 2010.03.08 03:26:14 ] haav0c > heh

Sorry Quivering, it’s hard to sympathize with your T3 troubles when they save my ass.


They don’t make em like they used to.

Sometimes, you go into a situation and you know exactly what you’re doing. Don’t let the fact that I myself have never found myself in that scenario from the offset deter you, you’ll eventually find yourself warping into a fleet fight knowing exactly who to primary, why to do it and which board game to pull out once the lag hits.

More often, tho, you’ll enter a scenario that you honestly have no idea how to operate in. This will usually be made painfully obvious when someone who DOES know EXACTLY what the hell they’re doing comes along and tears you to pieces, possibly throwing a free trip back to empire in the process. Smart people learn from this process. Idiots complain.

I’d like to talk about one certain idiot given his explosive comupperance, and for the first time on this blog, it isn’t me. Also for the first time, I wasn’t involved at all except for offering assistance and cheering from the sidelines.

So, yesterday, it’s a typical day in my life:
Channel Name: WSpace Colonists
Listener: Indiego Montoya
Indiego Montoya > burnin fast, burin last, on the long distant road, through the lost mountians endless so far away from hooooooome
Indiego Montoya > de dedede dede dee de de do do do de de de do dedede de do
Indiego Montoya > dee de de de dede dee dee de do do do de dedede dede dededede doooo

When suddenly my perfect rendition of Dragonforce is interrupted by people wanting to talk.

[ 2010.03.01 15:11:53 ] Damark > haav i have serious business
[ 2010.03.01 15:11:59 ] Damark > stop muddying up the channel
[ 2010.03.01 15:12:02 ] Indiego Montoya > omg wai so srs.
[ 2010.03.01 15:12:15 ] Indiego Montoya > wht is ur srz bzns?
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:40 ] Damark > it actually is srs
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:43 ] Damark > so thats not funny
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:48 ] Damark > srs alliance
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:49 ] Indiego Montoya > well, crap on a stick.
[ 2010.03.01 15:13:56 ] Indiego Montoya > that’s not good.

Yes, apparently a serious-sounding alliance had found Damark, a dude who lives in a C3 w/ static highsec and laughs at most of my jokes. Damark came online to his corp’s small tower in reinforced, his true sansha large and other large untouched, and a caldari large not owned by him online in his system, owned by SRS business, some sort of alliance none of us had ever heard of, because we stopped caring about normal space a few months after each of us got into a WH. As per the non-agression pact we have, me and several other corps started informing corp mates, pressing Damark for info and offering ships, isk to hire Noir and gun modules.

It was at about this point that Damark announced that the dude operating the pos had anchored moon mining arrays.

He anchored moon mining arrays.

Moon mining arrays. In a area of space where, to keep nullsec alliances from gaining intrest and other stupid reasons, moon mining is impossible. This was, we had thought, fairly common knowledge. It gets better.

With that one statement, most of us went from talking to merc corps, panicky trying to get Noir(for all your overwhelming force needs!) on the horn, friends in high paces, friends in null places about any assistance they could offer to informing their friends that the dude had just anchored moon mining arrays and having a good laugh.

The dude then anchored cruise missile batteries.

The laughter continued. For the uninformed, cruise missile batteries provide dps on about cruiser level, are the only gun to stop firing once the pos goes into reinforced and can be speed tanked extremely effectively.

He then anchored hardeners, one of each, the first REASONABLE move to make all morning. Damark started checking the fitting on one of his BSs, an armageddon. After a few minutes, where the BS was clearly visible on the directional scanner, he offlines an EM hardener and onlines a second kinetic hardener. This sounds reasonable, until you know that towers have an inherent 25% resist to kinetic, and amarr ships deal EM/thermal.

At this point, we’ve stopped laughing and assume that there’s trickery afoot. No one could be this stupid. At some point, the follwing conversation takes place:
[ 2010.03.01 14:50:18 ] Corpmate > yea youre in my hole
[ 2010.03.01 14:53:39 ] Cpt Kabaal > it could be a good thing if ya were so hostile about it, i mean we are moving in, thats a fact, now we can work things out instead of the alternative
[ 2010.03.01 14:54:20 ] Bizmarcks > or we can destroy your pos and kick you out
[ 2010.03.01 14:54:57 ] Corpmate > yea thats a good alternative
[ 2010.03.01 14:55:16 ] Cpt Kabaal > Its your Choice lol
[ 2010.03.01 16:47:12 ] Bizmarcks > did you finally realise you cant moon mine in here ?
[ 2010.03.01 16:47:15 ] Bizmarcks > this aint null boy

Prompting more laughter, as the one thing WHers can’t stand, besides russians(most of them, can’t speak for everyone) is idiots. But the one thing above that, that will enrage a WH dweller to the point of scorched earth strategy, is when someone starts acting smug and claiming your home as his own.

The second reason that we apologized to our individual friends and that there wasn’t any threat that needed dealing with is that Damark is one of those peculiar paranoid people(90% of eve) that builds carriers in places that mass limitations on WHs forbid carriers from entering.

Thus, with advice from CCRES(thanks guys, you still scare the hell outta us) and SI radio, a Minmatar carrier and five BSs put all the guns into incapacitated, removing the laughable cruiser-sized dps, prompting this convo:

[ 2010.03.02 06:16:25 ] Cpt Kabaal > i sry my ceo hired the mercs to rape you
[ 2010.03.02 06:16:44 ] Damark > lol those were mercs?
[ 2010.03.02 06:16:48 ] Damark > i hope you didnt pay too much
[ 2010.03.02 06:16:59 ] Cpt Kabaal > didnt pay at all actually
[ 2010.03.02 06:18:07 ] Damark > well thanks for explaining this incredibly too easy to explain coincidence
[ 2010.03.02 06:19:34 ] Cpt Kabaal > its not over rest asured

See previous comments about smug idiots.

More bashing. Damark gets convo’ed by the alliance leader.

[ 2010.03.02 03:58:18 ] thebarry > so i’m carebearing in high sec, right?
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:36 ] Damark > and you start getting messages
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:40 ] Damark > saying a POS is under attack?
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:43 ] thebarry > and one of my alliance mates convos me like ‘um, i have a prob, my pos is being attacked’
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:48 ] thebarry > yes!
[ 2010.03.02 03:58:54 ] Damark > yea funny story
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:02 ] Damark > he moved into my hole
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:10 ] thebarry > and now i’ve discovered that the reason you are so motivated
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:13 ] thebarry > is that
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:14 ] thebarry > yes
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:18 ] thebarry > he is in your wh
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:23 ] Damark > yes he sure is
[ 2010.03.02 03:59:26 ] Damark > not for much longer tho

The CEO offers to remove the dude, and Damark requests 400 mil to let him leave peacefully, fully intending to steal the tower. SRS makes the first smart move all day and respectfully declined. Then make another stupid move.

[ 2010.03.02 04:02:46 ] thebarry > i’m sorry it took so long for me to realise it was your wh
[ 2010.03.02 04:02:48 ] thebarry > btw
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:02 ] thebarry > are you guyz interested in joining a new alliance?
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:08 ] thebarry > we could always use mroe help
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:14 ] thebarry > more too
[ 2010.03.02 04:03:57 ] Damark > not as of yet

What the hell are they smoking and can I have some?

An agreement is made and instantly collapses.

[ 2010.03.02 04:11:47 ] thebarry > ok buddy is going to get back to pos to start offlining and unachoring stuff
[ 2010.03.02 04:11:49 ] thebarry > plz dun shoot
[ 2010.03.02 04:12:01 ] Damark > if i have 400mil in my wallet in the next 27min i wont
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:10 ] thebarry > there will be no isk payments, sorry
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:28 ] thebarry > it’s not my pos, and tbh it would teach a valuable lesson
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:47 ] thebarry > i may be tempted to run a viator’s worth of stront to it, tho
[ 2010.03.02 04:14:57 ] thebarry > …just saying
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:12 ] Damark > lol so your saying it has no stront now?
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:14 ] Damark > ahahah
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:22 ] Damark > you shouldnt give this guy anchoring writes
[ 2010.03.02 04:15:50 ] thebarry > hahaha

For the record, it had one hour of strontium.

[ 2010.03.02 04:35:46 ] thebarry > man wtf are you having so many probs with that wh
[ 2010.03.02 04:35:49 ] thebarry > for?
[ 2010.03.02 04:35:54 ] Damark > it was just yesterday
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:01 ] Damark > otehr than yesterday and today its be awesome
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:02 ] Damark > lol
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:09 ] thebarry > haha
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:20 ] thebarry > well, sounds like you could use some alliance buddies to help
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:42 ] Damark > nah
[ 2010.03.02 04:36:53 ] thebarry > just htink, if you were in a alliance you wouldnt have lost the small pos!

You think I’m kidding? Whatever they’re smoking. I wanna have no intelligence whatsoever for the next few hours.

The alliance lead pulls the dude into the private chat.
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:07 ] thebarry > i think his ceo is still in the wh
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:09 ] thebarry > with ships
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:12 ] thebarry > or something
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:22 ] thebarry > he said he apologized to you
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:35 ] Damark > yea and then treatened me
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:39 ] thebarry > this is way too much dramarama for me
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:42 ] Damark > no shit
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:48 ] thebarry > i need to get back to spreadsheets
[ 2010.03.02 06:29:52 ] thebarry > don’t you understand?
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:00 ] Damark > yea man
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:09 ] Damark > and we need to get back to reacting sleeper shit
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:19 ] Damark > and captain needs to get back to moon goo in wh’s
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:26 ] Cpt Kabaal > sry bro
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:40 ] Cpt Kabaal > was just trying to mind my own buissness
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:48 ] Damark > by shitting on my lawn?
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:55 ] thebarry > hahaha
[ 2010.03.02 06:30:59 ] Damark > you dont anchor a pos in an occupied wh
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:02 ] thebarry > GET OFF HIS LAWN PLZ
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:05 ] Damark > unless you are looking for a fight
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:09 ] Damark > we brought one
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:14 ] Damark > and you cried to your alliance head
[ 2010.03.02 06:31:18 ] Damark > deal with it and gtfo

The CEO apologizes for blowing up the small tower, and offers another incentive to join his alliance.

[ 2010.03.02 06:39:21 ] thebarry > what did you lose?
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:25 ] Damark > every amar cruiser bpo and a majority of mislse bpos
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:43 ] Damark > i dunno tbh
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:47 ] Damark > it was a corpies project
[ 2010.03.02 06:40:50 ] Damark > hes rather angry
[ 2010.03.02 06:41:14 ] thebarry > i can imagine
[ 2010.03.02 06:41:23 ] thebarry > listen, we have research pos available

Is this standard alliance policy? Try to beat the crap out of someone, fail, and try to invite them into your alliance?

More threatening…

[ 2010.03.02 07:09:10 ] thebarry > haha
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:19 ] thebarry > i’m trying to save you damark
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:27 ] thebarry > i liek you
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:27 ] Damark > save me from what?
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:31 ] thebarry > you’re funny
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:39 ] thebarry > from nasty ppl
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:40 ] Damark > Noir is the best merc corp in the game
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:44 ] thebarry > i know
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:54 ] Damark > and i have a shit tonne of isk to throw
[ 2010.03.02 07:09:55 ] thebarry > but they arent the only one, just trust me
[ 2010.03.02 07:10:00 ] thebarry > i like you, trying to help

For the record, the two large poses were anchored less than five AU from where he put up his moon mining caldari large.

Damark and his corpies bash the heck outta the large tower, using

1 x Minmitar carrier (cant recall the name)
2x geddon
2x typhoon
1x raven
1x rohk
1x hurricane

Ten boring hours later, it explodes, Rigby Jess and Daedalic omitted cause they passed out a few hours earlier.
http://twinparadox.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=5957462

tldr, carrier n friends stomp a WH pos into the ground after failed takeover.


Totally Awesome WH Tool Thingy

Raath Nambode, a friend of mine and the leader of our WH operation, by merit of the fact that he is the only person who can fly our Rorqual, manages the pos fuel, has a freighter alt and sells the ore we mine, has been working on a project for a while now.

http://www.staticmapper.com

It’s intended to be used in the IGB, and essentially, you can lookup wormhole IDs and system names and be given the standard information as well as everything off of dotlan, IE jumps in last 48 hours and sleeper, ship and pod kills in the last 48 hours.

If you set the site to trusted, you gain the ability to add to the database of statics and # of sigs of each wormhole, which are compiled and rejected if, say, five people say the static of a c1 is N110 and one jerkface says it’s O477.

Please mail him with bugs, problems and/or praise and send all iskies to thank for your help.


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